Friday, 31 January 2014

He remarried and gave my half-sister my name!

Lynda Dixon says:
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,?? 

It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.

Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.

Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.

Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.

What do teen guys want?

Kasey says:
I know I know, a lot of these answers will be "guys want sex" "guys like boobs" whatever.
However, I know that not all guys are like that and I'm not the type of girl who goes for popular dickheads (Sorry to criticize). I'm smart, not academically but mature I guess. I'd like to know what nice guys look for in girls, I'd really prefer detail on the personality traits but I'm up for answers on looks.

Thankyou :) 

You will be pleased to know that not every teen guy has his brain entirely in his penis. There really is someone for everyone - it's finding them that's the problem! However your question is based on a false assumption - that guys are generally looking for the same thing - they're not!
you are in fact asking the wrong question! The right question is "What do YOU want?" Settle for nothing less, be fussy, never give up and Mr.Right will appear.

Date Advice wanted

Anonymous says:
What is a girl looking for in a guy on a date?

This depends entirely on the girl! They all have their own concepts and agendas. A date is a good match or it isn't.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Any advice for my new relationship?

Michael Says:
Hey guys. I finally told my girl that I love her very much. Please do read this completely guys :)
Well, I'm well known in my school for my intelligence and my programming skills. Previously I rejected over 30 proposals from my school girls. Finally I saw this girl. She initially thought I was a rich spoiled boy (yes I am rich, but I am not spoiled. I do spend money very carefully) so she didn't talk to me. I finally talked to her and even she talked to me and she came to know that I am very kind and polite. We then became friends on facebook and talked and chatted for hours. I met her first 6 months ago. Today she said she would accept me if I would be patient and control my temper. Yea, I am short tempered. So I can control that and when I asked her today, she said she was willing to be my gf and we got into relationship.

So any advices/suggestions for my 1st and new relationship? I need to thank you guys who gave me suggestions on how to ask her out. Thank you guys :)
Also, we do need your blessings :)

Thank You 

It seems to me that if it aint broke don't fix it - you are doing really well already. Trust your instinct and always remember that what it takes to get her it takes to keep her! Honesty, trust communication are all essential ingredients too. I think you'll do just fine. 

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

My best friend's new girlfriend worries me

Peter says:
Hello, my friend has recently started dating this girl who seems to be nice etc. but she is in for something else. She said to him that she wants to be treated as a **** and she doesn't mind doing what he wants. He told me that because he has not been with a girl like that yet and wonders if he should stay with her. She does talk to him a lot she texts him etc I saw that, she also calls him often and wants to hang out with him. I also heard from her best friend ( my friend doesn't know this yet) that she doesn't really care about what he thinks, as long as he has sex with her she doesn't care. ( I don't know if they did it yet or not) idk why her friend told me this? I wonder how long could they last like that?
Thanks for any answers. 

It's difficult to tell from where you are. Some girls are highly sexed and like to be dominated - that is a perfectly legitimate preference. But whatever her motive I don't see how it's any of your business. It is your friend, not you that is in the relationship and whatever happens is between them. You should only intervene in other relationships if you believe one of them is in mortal danger. I understand that you care about your friend, but you really do need to stay out of this. 

How can I make my parents realize?

Jen says:
I'm struggling - i am me and yet not fully myself because my parents always said I should be this, that, whatever! I'mm sick of it because its not me! I'm trying to convince them that I might be this or that, but they are always all "no, no, no, bad idea"! I don't want what they want me to be! I want to be who I wanna be - I feel like I'm a prisoner! I've always felt like this since I was a little girl.
Now I'm starting to open myself more. I'm in my second year in college and coming home twice a year. Please help! 

Speaking as one who is estranged from his parents I know how you feel. Your not imagining it, your parents ARE being unreasonable. They should love you and support you from who you are and who you want to be. Unfortunately you cannot make your parents realize, you can only go on doing your thing and hope that one day your parents accept it. And if they never do, you still did the right thing. You must always be true to yourself. 

Why won't she share her problem with me?

Nick Jax Says:
Hello guys!! I have a 9 month relationship with a girl two years younger than me (I'm 19).Our relationship is tough and our different characters make it tougher.We live far from each other and we "lived" almost our whole relationship from a phone.But even if you can't understand it (it's natural...i could not understand also before this relationship) it's a relationship with passion and love from both sides.When i'm going back and think of our good and bad moments it's like it did not happen from a phone.Where the problem starts? the last few days she was "cold" and we did not really talk for long.I was asking her many times if anything is wrong but she was always saying that everything is ok.Last night, for another time i kept asking her and she finally told me.But it got me more confused.She said that for the last week or so she is bad...she's crying all the time, she's unhappy, she is closed to herself but she doesn't know the reason why! I asked her if something happened with her family, friends, an ex that she had feelings for, me...but she said it's none of these.She had no clue!What hurt me the most is that she said "it's my problem, i will solve it alone".I really want to help her because the way i see it her problems are my problems and i certainly feel like her...i don't feel good(and it won't change until it will be solved).That happened because (she said) all her exes did not really care about matters like this and she couldn't help but be "outlandish".It's the way she learned...she said she changed this for me but again it's not enough.She needs to understand that it's easier to solve it together! I suspected that it's because we had a quarrel some days before she started to feel like this.I was really mad at her plus many times she says that she is not what i deserve, she thinks that she hurts me more than making me happy but what i really think is that she's underderestimating herself...she loved me much much much more than any other girl!! But again she said it has nothing to do with the quarell!! What do you guys think? in your opinion what's the reason? and how do you think that she will stop being "outlandish" with me? (not because i want it but because SHE would want to change it) from my side what's the best thing to do??
Thanks in advance!!! 

There's not a lot you can do if she is not prepared to share the situation with you, and to be honest that doesn't bode well for your relationship - keeping things from your partner undermines mutual trust. Having said that she's a little young to be in a committed relationship and know herself and what she wants.

This leaves you with a stark choice - wait for her to get her head straight or move on. Though the age difference between you isn't great, you are of age and she is not. You are asking a lot of one so young to trust you with things that are troubling her, especially since you are still rather young yourself. The choice must be yours, but my honest opinion is that this girl is not ready for a serious relationship. 

Should I stay with my girlfriend?

Anish says:
We have been together for more than a month. I love her a lot but I don't trust her blindly becuase I am afraid that she will leave me one day.

I was her good friend when she was with her ex bf. She broke up with him becuz her bf was 2-timing! We fell in love and now we are together. She has had a lot of boyfriends and she broke many of their hearts, so I am little afraid to be with her. 

Most of her close friends told me to break up with her because they think that she is using me and thinks that love is a game. They say her mentality is like " you can't be with a boy forever", so I am afraid to be with her. But when I told her she would leave me one day so we should break up, she started crying and told me trust her.I have trusted her, but now her friends are still telling me to break up with her becuause she is not trustworthy! I am confused too what should I do?? 

Forget the friends already! Do you really like this girl? If so just keep going. EVERY relationship is a risky business. There are no guarantees! If you want a relationship, you live with the risk.

My advice is trust her absolutely until or unless you have absolute proof she has betrayed you. If it doesn't work out, do the same with any relationship. You may get hurt, but you can get hurt doing anything - that's life. If you burn, you will learn, but don't let that stop you beginning again. 

How do you make a girl your girlfriend?

ThaYoungLord says:
Like I'm good with girls but I just realised that I've never really asked a girl to be my girlfriend. What are the keywords?

I really would go on at least one date before deciding on going steady with anyone! Ask a girl you like if they would do you the honour of letting you buy them a Starbucks/McD's/Whatever. Ask a few questions about hem like you were researching their biography, and from that you can decide whether she's worth dating. If it goes well arrange another date, and take it date by date.

Why does he ignore my texts?

Megan says:
He's a very quiet guy, but why does he ignore my texts? Him ignoring my texts makes me think that he doesn't like me anymore and that I should just move on. We're in high school. 

This all depends how much you like him. If you're not that hot for him, yes absolutely move on, you want someone who is at least enthusiastic! If you do really like him, just ask him why. Guys don't do subtle, they prefer straight-talking, so he'll be glad you wanted to clear things up. 

How do I get over my ex?

Skyler says:
Hello, I'm having a very bad time in my life right now due to my break-up. I can't get my ex out of my head. I literally tried everything. (Including drinking,drugs,trying to cause myself amnesia;suicide,meeting new people,therapy,keeping myself busy etc..) Of course I failed at everything :I or I wouldn't be here right now. It's been 7 months since we broke up and it's like it didn't happen first thing I think about when I wake up is "Oh yay I think she's online now" then I remember we broke up and I go into a crying frenzy. Cheery eh? :p but yea me and her were together for about 4 years. She's my "first love" I don't really like that romance movie term. Me and her first started talking online and she is/was literally the most amazing person ever me and her met in real life twice. She's my first friend and the only person I've ever kept contact with for over a week (excluding family) She has MPD and she is always so moody and she has anxiety so she thought I'd cheat on her and she left me and I promised never to talk to her again .-. I don't know what I should do to get over her,how long will it take? what can I do? any help?

You are not the only person to go through this! Breakups can be as painful as bereavements. Sometimes you never get over it. You will in time learn to live with the pain of it. It's a process that cannot be skipped or rushed.

Begin by accepting that the hurt is always going to be there - stop trying to escape it. However, your life is bigger than just your hurt. You are a person who in some way or other can make a difference - to yourself, to others, to your environment. Go make that difference. Accept you cannot bring happiness to yourself, but you can put a smile on someone else's face. Open a door, carry a bag, tidy a room - go do it. Drop the objective of happiness and take up the objective of a fulfilling life, for that you can achieve. Your pain gives you something to say, new wisdom and credibility in the eyes of others. Use that to make other people better. You won't regret it.  

Should I have sex with him?

Alexis says:
We dated earlier this year but broke up soon after because it was awkward since we were best friends before that.. Well awhile later we started talking about having a one night stand, and he said he really wanted to have sex with me.. I didn't know what to say.
He is wanting to hang out friday, and go back to his house. He told me his parents are out of town and he wants me to stay the night. What do I do?
I'm a virgin, and I mean I don't really mind being one but I kind of want to lose my virginity.
Should I sleep with him? It would be an one night stand..

This is a simple one. You are now at the age of consent. Do you consent? Meaning, is this what you want? Only your heart knows the answer! A good thing is that you clearly know the score before you decide. Be aware that the first time is not always the best, unless you're lucky enough to have a partner who is skilled and sensitive. It must be your choice and yours alone. 

How do I approach a beautiful woman?

Johhny says:
If I never know what to say and she is the hottest woman I have ever seen? I don't have any idea if she is into me, she does stare at me a lot but she stares at a lot of people, what do you think?! Never felt like this before :/ 

One is thing certain - if you want anything to happen, you'll have to talk to her! No riskit no biscuit! Try this script: Excuse me, my name is Johhny. (always a good start to give your name) and to be honest with you, you're one of the prettiest women I've ever seen, and I was wondering if you'd do me the honour of buying you a coffee.

Right off the bat, you will know if you have any chance at all. Getting yes or a no is always better than just wondering what if. Good luck. Dare to dare!

If you get the coffee meeting, simply ask her about herself, and at least look interested! Imagine you were trying to write a biography on her. Things will flow naturally from there if the chemistry is right. 

My ex is harrassing me

First and foremost, I warn that this is a long and somewhat complicated post.
I was with my ex-partner (who I've been apart from for 8 months now) for nearly 4 years. I broke up with him the first time (this was roughly just over a year before I broke up with him for good) because he was very lazy, only played games, didn't make an effort to get a job, didn't make an effort with the relationship because he had the mindset that I wasn't going anywhere no matter what. Unfortunately this made me incredibly unhappy, so I ended it. Due to not being able to get over him, I went back (stupidly) about a month later. He made all these promises that he was going to get a job and make more of an effort with us.

Roughly a year went by, nothing changed and I became even more miserable. He would get upset if I wanted to go out own to do work things (I work for myself and go to the post office a lot), I always had to wait until things (as simply as going out) were okay with him, whenever we'd argue he wouldn't let me leave even for a breather, he'd physically stand in my way of the door so I couldn't leave his room (I should point out that I would stay with him for weeks/months at a time with him at his mum's house because we lived about 2 and half hours apart, she also lives with 9 year old twins, a severely autistic son who's 12 and a very mildly autistic daughter who's 17.. The Dad isn't around because he's a psychopath and social services moved the family.. But that's a whole different story altogether) So, it was a very tense atmosphere to be in anyway, and when we argued, we had to keep it down low so that no one knew about it. They were a very nosy and hurtful bunch so that's why we kept it very quiet. I got sick and frustrated of being not only suppressed by the environment I was in but by him being controlling.

So, that was 8 months ago when I broke up with him. Simply wasn't happy for all the reasons stated above, we tried to talk about things but he never did anything to change things for the better.

He continues to text me every day even now (I set a firewall up on my phone as the phone courier apparently doesn't have the authority to block numbers as it's against the law.. I'm also on contract so I can't simply go get a new number, if I want to do that I have to pay £25. As I'm in the motions of moving out, that £25 is currently very valuable to me. The firewall only tells me how many texts have been blocked and I know that they're him). Through ignoring his texts/phone calls, this has now expanded to emailing my personal email and my work email, on both his email accounts (he's got two emails that he uses). I blocked all his emails accounts, but as I've got a facebook page for my business, he's started messaging me on that. For some reason, you can't block or delete someone through messages on the facebook page, only if they comment on something or if you see them under the 'like' members of your page (this isn't just a normal fb profile, it's a page that you 'Like').

I've told him firmly, countless times, to leave me alone. All he says is, "I can't, it's too hard." or "Please just talk to me." He ask if he can come see me, and constantly asking the same questions over and over, no matter what I say it doesn't sink in. So I decided to completely ignore him altogether, despite how incredibly difficult it is to give in to the guilt, seeing as trying to answer his questions and give him closure, even telling him to do something with himself to take his mind off things, did absolutely nothing. Yet he still continues to hassle me.

I feel guilty for leaving the relationship, I know he's only hurting, so I feel going to the police about it would only make him feel worse or be a drastic action to take at this point.. But at the same time I can't be miserable with someone, for the sake of their happiness. My feelings faded and he can't grasp that concept. He thinks that there must be some way he can make them come back, but I've moved on and I've told him that more than enough times.

I feel like I can't put all this to rest because nothing I do stops him from contacting me, that's all I want so I don't have to keep constantly suffering from the guilt. I even when I begged him to leave me alone as it's all making me very anxious.

I might come across like I'm enjoying the attention, but it's a nightmare. It's making me miserable and paranoid to go out in case he decides to make an appearance.

Any advice or suggestions? 

You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships require consenting adults, and you clearly no longer consent. He is clearly an insecure and controlling individual and you are doing everything you know how to to quite rightly resist that.

There is more you can do. Firstly tell EVERYBODY that this man is harassing you, including who is and where he lives and whenever he does it. I know that seems harsh, but it's you or him, and it has to be you. Secondly consider taking out a restraining order on him. You can research this online yourself or consult a Citizens Advice Bureau. Finally I am sure you can report abuse to Facebook, and you must certainly do so.

You deserve to happy and free - continue to fight for your right. 

I'm not doing well in Highschool

Rainyday says:
Im a freshman in highschool and I'm not doing very well
Algebra 1 F
Computer science b
Environmental sciene b
Biology F
World history F
English A

My mom thinks im really smart but really I'm not, i try really hard and turn in extra credit . I didnt even want to go to the highschool i go to now. I got to a highschool for eingeering and science with all these smart kids, but im not smart. I really lovw drawing and english and wanted to go to a highschool for but my mom made me come here so i could be a nerosurgeon?" I dont know anything about the brain and im failing biology. This is the second report card marking period and my accumalative grades so far are all c's. So i guess ill try harder in the third to get b's. I wasnt that bad in the first period, i got a and b and one c. can i still get into a good college? Im not very bright but i dont want to disapoint my mom :( 

Mom could do with loving you as you are, not the person she wants you to be. Clearly your forte is the arts not the sciences and you were certainly born that way. Two things must happen. Firstly you must accept that you're not dumb, just a round peg in a square hole. You need to be places that foster your talents not your weaknesses. Secondly Mom is gonna have to accept it. Does she love you or her dream for you?

Accept it or not, you will only be happy in life if you do what's right for you, not what others want you to be. You will need courage, but the alternative is misery. Good luck. 

How do I make my boyfriend quit smoking?

Chelsea says:
I'm in a relatively new relationship (a couple months) with someone with some really bad habits. One of these habits is smoking. I detest smoking for myself personally but really because so many in my family have developed lung cancer whichthe docs have attributed ro ther smoking habitsand, in the case of my grandfather, second hand smoke. So many have died and it's very upsetting to think that he smokes for no good reason. I don't know how much he smokes per daybecause when I am with him he doesn't. Some days I am with him for six hours, others only a couple. He hadmentioned trying to quitforme and because he had stopped aroundme I assumed he reallywas but then he was 30min late one day and he smelled like freshly smoked cigarettes, now he's backtracking saying that he only can if I'm around because I distract him from wanting his smoke. My problem is I can't see him for long becausemy parents don't know about him, but I can't until he quits but he cannot when I'm not around. 

The bottom line is that he is a smoker, and if you want to be with him, that's what you have to accept, unless you deliver an ultimatum or declare it a deal-breaker. You are wanting to have cake and eat it. Relationships are all about consent not coercion. If you are trying to force him to give up, you are undermining the relationship from the start.

Accept it and him or reject it and him, simple as that. You will have to decide what's more important - your feelings for him or your family-wide aversion to smoking. The right choice is whatever your heart rather than logic tells you. 

I find it a bit painful when i use a dildo or vibrator

Loganlermanfan22 says:
I try to relax and not tense up and think it's going to hurt, but i can't help but think that. even with sex i'm unable to enjoy it which is annoying. i can;t even use tampons because it hurts me and find it extremely uncomfortable :( 
It sounds like you a suffering from a very common problem called vaginismus. The are many treatments available. Simply Google vaginismus and do some research or consult your doctor.

How do I give a guy the green light?

Anna says:
I heard guys won't ask a girl out unless they're pretty sure that she is interested in him. The thing is, I am not good at letting guys know that I like them so I just try to act as normal as possible. I think this guy likes me--he finds excuses to touch me a lot, came up to talk to me a few times, he keeps looking at me during class, he said that he wants to marry a girl who kickboxes (I am the only girl there that does that hahah), he waves at me, asks me to slow dance with him (and he twirled me around at the end xD). The thing is, I can't really flirt well lol So, I don't think he has any idea that I actually like him quite a bit. What are someways to show him that I like him that can encourage him to ask me out? He used to look to the side of my face or down when he talked to me and he seemed a bit nervous but now he looks me in the eyes :) help me pleasee
I'm a girl, 18, so any ideas for what i could do? :) 

Guys are kinda dumb about this kinda thing - they don't read body language or take hints anything like as well as ladies. Ask my wife! I really needed it spelled out to me first. In my case a third party told me she was hot for me, so that made it real easy.

That is therefore my advice - if you're really hot for this guy, spell it out. Tell him how you feel. I really would go for the direct question - "so, you gonna ask me out or what? I'm not gonna wait forever!" If you're hoping the universe will deliver you the circumstance just happens, you might be waiting a long time. It seems to me he's obviously open to the idea anyway, so either way you'll know where you stand. Good luck! 

Our double-date is not working out!

Lily says:
I'm a girl, and me and my best friend are 'dating' two guy best friends. The guy I'm dating is really sarcastic and I have a bad gut feeling like he is laughing 'at' me instead of 'with' me. He's nice, and I'm sure he doesn't mean it but he seems a bit stuck up. He keeps kissing me and holding my hand and everything is moving too fast like public display of affection. On the other hand, my best friend and his best friend aren't the same. My best friend doesn't make that much of an effort to talk to him. My best friends 'date' keeps giving me eye contact and chatting freely to me. We get on quite well as he is just down to earth and easy going. I think I like him :S what should I do? It's so difficult. Should I just withdraw myself from the situation completely? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings 

Time to be honest with yourself about what you really want. It seems to me that the two current relationships are not working anyway. Secondly, you can't live life worrying about offending people - that's inevitable - every pisses off somebody anyway, so you might as well do it living the life you want to live.

If you like the other guy, just tell him how you feel. Understand though that relationships is a risk business, but taking risks is unavoidable in life - no riskit no biscuit! Follow your heart - it's your best friend. If you want this guy put your feelings out there and be prepared to accept whatever comes back. It's better tan spending a life time wondering "what if..."

Monday, 27 January 2014

What do I tell my family about my sexuality?

Hannah says:
OK, so I'm a fifteen year old girl with a strict catholic family. Got any where this is going?
I have fallen for one of my best friends who just so happens to be a girl, bring on the hate. She always flirts with me, calls me pretty etc and I don't know what to do. Shall I tell my family that I am bi-curious? Shall I tell her my feelings?
I'm scared of people at School judging me.
Any help from LGBT would be great!
Kik me; Hannahjessika
Text me; +447505910986 

 I feel very sorry for you because I know the hard time you are going to have in the next few years. You are still only young and may be unsure of your own sexuality. There is however a good test - when you masturbate or fantasize, is it with girls or both boys and girls? Either way, lesbian or bisexual, it will be better in the long run for you to come out now. Also explain that you want to be accepted and loved who you are. Your family may be desperately disappointed at first, but if they love you they will come around. If you continue to fake it you will be even unhappier! There's no easy way - every LGBT has to go through this - my advice is to get it over with. Good luck.

What is she really feeling?

Josh says:
So my girlfriend and i broke up in October after 2.5 years. Ever since the breakup we have always been in contact and I had been wanting to get back together. At the beginning of the new semester, she started staying over my apartment again and we were basically in a relationship without the label. She said she hasnt developed those"feelings" for me again, but she calls me her best friend. So basically I cant be friends with her if I still love her, so i told her that we needed a no contact break and she thought it could really help. So we decided to take a 2 week break, and that started last Sunday, well today I realized that she basically blocked me on twitter. I was surprised by that so I just texted her to see why. She said she didn't want to see my tweets so she changed her privacy settings and unfollowed me. Well the thing is that I tweeted for the first time in a month yesterday, so literally one tweet made her do that? What is she feeling if she can't stand seeing anything I say? After she texted me back I just said back, "ok well ill talk to you next sunday unless you've moved on from me or you tell me otherwise" and she hasn't responded. So what do you think she is thinking about all of this? 

Here's your problem - you know exactly what you want and she either doesn't want you or she doesn't know what she wants. You love this girl but she's just not loving you back dude. You just can't make someone feel the same way you do. All the time you are hoping against hope she'll be yours again is delaying meeting the one that's really right for you. If you love someone, let them go. If they come back by themselves they're yours, and if they don't they never really were. I know how tough it is to let go - I have a daughter who never loved me back. The sooner you let go the sooner you will heal and move on. And btw you could never be just friends with this girl because you love her too much. It has to be a clean break.

Me and my best friend have a crush on the same guy

 Anonymous says:
This sounds ridiculous but it's the truth and it's making me rather depressed and un-happy.
Basically my best friend doesn't know that I have a [very big] crush on this guy.
I keep myself to myself really and I am very shy so I wouldn't really go up and say anything - wether it be flirtatious or just general conversation. And I never even get a chance alone with him, I am always with my friends, and he is always with his.

On the other hand, my very best friend has not personally told me that she has a crush on him - but I can just tell. She is completely different around him - we have all have 2 classes together.
She is so flirtatious around him and always stares at him. I think she thinks that I don't know but I'm not stupid, I mean, it's so obvious!

What should I do?
Thanks for your advice! x 

This is a cause of many a rift in friendships - both being hot for the same target. Your problem however is not having a rival in your friend  - the problem is your own shyness! Here's the thing - Sir Galahad aint gonna come up on a white charger, instantly recognize you good qualities and sweep you up in his arms. You'll be waiting forever!

if you want to compete in the hunks market, you can't be backward in coming forwards. You need to learn techniques to build up your confidence, because confidence is sexy. Google "self-confidence" to start your transformation - and good hunting!

What should I do about the co-worker I'm hot for?

Anonyme says:
So, I'm falling more and more in love with one of my coworkers... Yet, i dont dont feel like he treats me the same way as he does with every body else.
I'm hoping I'm not stuck in the friendzone.. And that I can tell him how i feel or that i like him more than as just a friend/coworker.

1rst question: what are signs that he sees me as more than a coworker?

2nd: why would he be all quiet at some times, then other times super talkative?

3rd: how can I tell him or hint him out that i do like him without scaring him off?

**take in mind he is 19 and i am 17..** 

The problem may be that you are under-age - that can be a problem to those who are over the 18+ line, and he may need some persuading. If you really like this guy, you will have to have the courage to tell him how you feel. Better to be rejected than saying "if only" to yourself later.

Can I make my friends like me again?

Bethany says:
I had these 2 friends and some how we all fell out so they kinda ditched me but i really want to be friends with them again! does anyone know how to become friends with them again like bffs??! Thx xxxxx 

Are they really worth it? Friendship has to be a two way thing - you can't make somebody like you. Just move on sweetheart, you deserve better. 

My friends are being mean to me

Beth says:
They've been drifting from me for ages but then last week I got quite close to them again and I was happy, and I got even closer to my old best friend.
They were all bring nice but today they were mean to me all day by doing sly things like purposly leaving me out or whispering in groups and making sure I knew i wasn't involved. I overheard them saying that my old bestfriend wasn't "being mean enough" and I know they've realised I was getting closer to them again so they've all decided to go together and change tha.0t.
I'm 16.

How can I get back at them? How should i respond? I know you will probably say make new friends or ignore them etc but I have tried that many times and they just get closer to the new friends I make.. I want to make their plan not work :) 

With friends like these, who needs enemies? Just leave them behind and make new friends sweetheart. Ruthlessly exclude from your personal life anyone who brings you no joy.

I found a letter from her ex!

Michael Says:
Me and my girlfriend got into our first fight since being together a year a couple days ago. So yesterday she posts something about jury duty on instagram and I had this feeling right away that she might have talked to her ex (he's a lawyer) Sure enough he comments on it and she comments back saying something like "now work your magic and get me out of it haha" She never talks to him and I told her in the beginning I was uncomfortable with it, but here's my real dilemma.

A couple months ago I found a letter in her drawer from her ex basically telling her he wanted her back. Saying things like "you were right for not wanting to see me a few months ago, I still want you" and "if he ever gets on your nerves give me a call". It bothered me to no end that she kept this letter but I ultimately just decided not to bring it up. Our relationship has always been so good in the year we've been together. We've never fought, we're always talking about the future and plus she's just not the type of girl I would ever think to cheat on someone. The fact that she was choosing me over him (who she dated for 6 years) made me feel a lot more appreciated in a way. So I let it go. But now it's starting to really bother me because this is where he said in the letter to contact him. "If he ever gets on your nerves let me know" And so that's exactly what she did or could be doing right now. It makes me feel like she's subscribing to this letter he wrote her and could potentially still have feelings for him.

I don't know if I should even bring it up cause she'll probably more than likely get mad. Except I feel like I have so much more to be upset about right now... 

Whatever happens next, someone's going to get upset anyway. There is no way you will be able to sit on this without it affecting your behaviour. There's an old proverb - sunlight is the best disinfectant. It's time to have it out with her. If she wants to go back to him, she's going to do it anyway, and the sooner you know the better. Honesty and trust are absolutely crucial to the survival of your relationship - if you want it to go the distance it's time to stop keeping things from each other right now.

It's also time for an ultimatum - him or you. You need to respect her choice, but don't be prepared to share! This is a big and painful test for your relationship I know but you didn't bring it about - they did! no more deception and secrets from either of you! Good luck

What can I do about my bad temper?

Madeline Roman says:
My husband and I have been married for 6months now but I've seemed to notice myself having a bad temper everything he does sometimes annoys me. What can be going on with me? 

I am prone to severe anger management issues myself, and wrote a book about it. Sorry it's a blatant sell, which I very rarely do, but I promise you it's what you need. Buy it here

Sunday, 26 January 2014

I want him to tell the truth

Anna says:
I have been with this guy for a year. We have talked all the time and he really made me happy. Something seemed really fishy so I snooped around and found out that the whole time he was with me he was with another women (who he said they broke up) and that they just had a baby together.
I asked him 2 days ago if he had a baby or a girlfriend and he denied both of them, he told me that he wants us to stay the same and hang out like bf/gf with no title because he is still dealing with his ex gf and needs to take things slow. We were suppose to hang out Friday night and he texted me at 12 am saying he is cleaning out his garage (which I KNOW is a lie). I said goodnight and if he wanted he could text me the next day which he did not. He texts me and calls me all the time besides yesterday and when I go to the gym he always comes or he wants me to hang out with him.

I can let him go so I don't care but I want to know the truth from him. Why has he not told me the truth yet? Why did he lie to me about this? Why does he still want to hang out every here and there with me? What is his deal?

he even told me he bought me things for the gym and blah blah, after our conversation about the gf and how he said he was single he called me and started flirting and whatever on the phone 

You're wanting this guy to break the habit of a lifetime and stop lying. This is a bit like asking a leopard to change its spots - it isn't gonna happen. You don't need him to tell the truth anyway - you already know exactly how he rolls. Just have nothing more to do with this awful man.

Why did he touch my shoulder?

Alex says:
In history i sit behind this guy who i know but i wouldnt say we are close. He had to go ask the teacher sonething and when he walked by me he touched my shoulder and said i will be right back. I wasnt even talking to him so idk why he said that. Another time we were in circle groups and i was standing by him. We were talking to one of his friends and he put his hand on my shoulder again and let it linger. I looked at him and asked him not to touch me but he still does... I think his friends likes me but idk if he does.. why did he touch my shoulder?

This is a simple one - he likes you, but he's going about it the wrong way. It's now up to you to decide how you feel about him. In any case, you should not touch a lady without her prior permission. If you say to him "hey dude, if you want to touch me, ask my permission first" he'll be suitably educated.

Will this preganancy be frowned upon?

A girl that is 18 years old high school senior dating a 21 year old guy. Graduating in May and just found out pregnant by the 21 year old

There is going to be frowning and disapproval all round, but it it is of course hardly unusual. This happens to couples all the time. The fact is, it's happened, and the two of them now have to decide what they want to do about it. 

I screwed up my chance to date him

Elexus says:
We weren't dating. But I liked him and he liked me. I heard him tell his friend "that's my girl, that's my lady" and his friend said "that is NOT your girl, that is not your girl."*he repeated a few more times, then about 15 minutes later (keep in mind he's 18, my crush) I walked out again and his friend asked me how old I was and I said I'm in highschool.. Then his friend said that's not your girl. Then my crush said that's not my girl. And I heard him :/ afterwards, a little later. He looked at me a couple of times and I haven't noticed him looking at me like usual. This happened friday. Please help me! What do I do?! How bad did I **** up?! Is there ANYTHING I can say that'll make him like Me again?? Plz. I've had a crush on him since summer 2013 and I just found out he HAD a crush on me Friday... He basically looked past me all day yesterday until last night i called his name and he said "huh whaa?" I said "hiiiiii" he said "wats up" but i doubt he knew it was me cos it was dark.

This is a simple one but you will need some courage. The guy clearly likes you and you like him. Other people for their own reasons don't want you two to hook up. Life doesn't deliver you goodies on a plate, only the opportunities, and you have to take them. Tell him you got something he needs to know, then tell him how you feel and why you did what you did earlier. if you want to hook up, have the courage to make it happen. 

Does my relationship have a future?

Ella says:
So I've been with this guy 10 months and at first it was great, but I made a mistake by pushing him away, he would cry and i was convinced he was a good guy, but come to find out he liked other girls and flirted with them. Then it was fine and he started doing mean stuff like talking to girls in front of me, and lying, and walking away from me, but i always apologized and he would break up with me and we would get back together, i honestly believe that the only thing i did wrong was push him away but he says i did more. I would come see him and take time out of my day to do so and he said i was"following him".He has said mean things to me, let his family say stuff about me,and said he'd have someone new in a few months and more, but i honestly believe one day he will realize hes wrong, hopefully soon? What do you think? Would you take him back once he realized he was wrong
and this new girl hes been talking to has a boyfriend and their talking behind his back and his family is supporting it and saying stuff about me and i keep telling him" if shes talking to you while shes with him she'll talk to someone else while shes with you, but he doesnt seem to get it, but i think God is going to deal with him, her and his family

and he lies to his rebound and says shes not a rebound even though he told me she was, and he would ignore me the girl who actually tried to talk to her and he hasnt even seen her in two years, and he said everything he didnt do for me he was going to do for her , when i tried and she didnt.
And she even told this one guy they broke up because apparently he kept asking her but if someone really wants to be with you, they wont deny it
When do you think itll catch up to him?

he told me that he broke up with me because i broke his heart, and i hurt him, and it could have worked out, and he didnt imagine himself with anyone other than me and he didnt talk to her while he was with me and talked to her after he broke up with me. Today i asked if he was with her, and later he kissed me 3 times, and told me thats what i have left after he leaves and i said" you never know whats gonna happen" and i said that meaning one day maybe we could get back together and he said" i didnt say i did"
and he even called her a rebound

and his family insults me and supported of him talking to someone who was with someone which i think is messed up
God bless you

I have no hesitation in advising you to let this guy go - if you don't, all you're going to get is hurt. You're clearly very attracted to this guy but sometimes love just aint enough - this is such an example. The reason? Your relationship has always lacked those vital qualities that keep people together - trust, honesty and forgiveness - your relation has very little of any of these. There is excitement and passion between you, but there will never be love and joy. Move on.

Shall I tell him how I feel?

Lauren says:
So I am a sophomore and he is a freshman in college and we met at the beginning of the year. Long story short, we started hanging out, he used to to text me all the time asking what I was doing, I have slept over before(we didn't go farther than kissing and cuddling), going to dinner and those types of things. We used to hang out all the time. I started to realize I had developed feelings for him and I have never told him how I felt,because I just don't want to lose what we do have already. We had a good things going. I was always scared to tell him. People would always ask what was going on with us. We go a small school and are in the same major so I see him a lot and have to go to school with him for the next two and a half years so telling him I feel like would be awkward. Anyways, shortly after hanging out and people asking us what is going on..he just stopped texting me and hanging out. This is totally fine that he wants to hang out with his friends and do his own thing but it was totally out of the blue. I asked him if anything was up and he said "everything is fine", but I wonder if everything is fine then why did he just stop texting me and stuff. When we were hanging out he would tease me and ask when me and his roommate were going to do it(this actually made me mad because I didn't like his roommate I liked him). I figured he was joking and played it cool like we were just friends so didn't take it seriously. He doesn't like his roommate. Anyways, now I really miss him and now when ever I see him he calls me buddy, and if I do text him though he responds and acts sort of like he used to. Recently I asked him if he wanted to do something soon and he responded with "absolutely, can't wait" I can't tell if he is just being nice or genuinely wants to see me. When we pass each other at school(We ALWAYS run into each other..its bizarre. he waves and I wave back.) I know all girls say this but he and I are great together and I want to try again and not be guarded. He has been hanging out with his girl(who I think likes him) but he hasn't done anything else with any girls like he did with me this year. Any insight?

Relationships are always a risk business, and here's the dilemma - if you never put your cards on the table NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN but if you do, you could be rejected. Often, each one waits for the other one to make that risky move - and what can happen as a result is that nobody does.

The people who are most successful in relationships and life in general are those prepared to take calculated risks, and to take the hurt, rejection and failure when it comes. So here's your choice - gamble that he'll make the move you want him to make or gamble by telling him how you really feel. The paradox is that if you want to be happy you must take the chance of being hurt - possibly a lot! Those who play safe face a different kind of hurt - constantly saying "If only I had...." in their older years when the opportunity has gone.

Wanna be happy? Take the chance - tell him how you feel. Accept the consequences gracefully. You will either win or learn. In life accept you might have to learn a lot! Good luck.

What do I buy my girlfriend?

Rabbitlover says
What should I get my gf for our 1 month? I am 15 and she is 16 gonna be 17 

This would depend to some extent on your budget! A low-cost "winner" in most circumstances is flowers. It would be better still if you knew what her favourite flowers were! Chocs and a card are also usually well-received, particularly if from a "design your own" website. Whatever you get, make sure she doesn't have an allergy! 

Friday, 24 January 2014

How do I fit in?

Sam says:
Hi all,
So Sunday I've been invited to my sister and her boyfriends party. They are the only two people I will know at the party. I have no confidence but I don't want to be the one standing in the corner at the party. Any tips to fit in and build up my confidence? 

A quick and easy thing to do when talking to people is to listen (or look like you're listening!) to a conversation already happening, or ask people questions about themselves as if you were secretly doing a project on them. Occasionally nod and look interested.

In social events, you're playing a role, like an actor on stage. Play the role of the guy keen to find out all about people.

My parents sex life is grossing me out!

Jason says:
Hello, im a 17 year old boy and I live with my parents, I stay at my friends house sometimes to use the computer and it's really fun using the internet and hang out together. So we're very poor and when I say poor I mean below poverty, my parents had me at a young age (dad is 36 and mom is 33), I have 2 younger sisters and 2 young brothers. So my dad is a porter and his income is very low and my mom is a housewife and doesn't work, both of them are very protective and loving especially mom , she keeps on smiling even though our sitiuation is very bad and sometimes can't afford groceries, she skips meals everyday just to make sure we eat . So the problem is that our house is really tiny I mean we only have one very tiny bedroom that we (me and my siblings) share and a small living room, my parents sleep on a mattress on the floor in the living room. My parents keep on having sex everyday and they kiss and and cuddle and dad really care about her he keeps on telling her sweet things and kiss her and help her with whatever she's doing. It really bothers me when they have sex I know that dad comes back home late from work but sometimes I'm awake and I can hear everything, it's not that they do it quietly but they do it loudly and mom moans really loud, and our walls are very thin, my dad doesn't take mom out because he is busy and doesn't have enough money to have dinner outside and stuff but she is fine with it. And the most gross thing is that mom keeps on massaging dad's feet and back when he comes back home and it's really gross. And mom is pregnant too but they still do it. Please help I tried everything and I even slept at my friends house but nothing changed and they didnt notice at all. Any advice what shall I tell them? I mean I have 4 siblings and one on the way and we barely can eat shall tell them to stop having babies!!? 

My son would very much sympathize with you. His mum/my wife is very horny and she can't get enough. My son finds the whole thing absolutely disgusting!

You might want to try doing what he did and explain how you feel. We eventually struck a compromise - we now only make love on one particular evening per week and whenever we know he's out or deeply asleep. If you know it's only going to happen at certain times and they're not going to be all over each other in front of you, you still won't like it but you'll feel more in control.

You may not be able to strike as hard a bargain as my Son did, but hopefully they will at least be more discreet and give you a break. And definitely invest in an mp3 player and some earphones!

Sexual dreams about my uncle

Whovian1 says:
Please help no one answered this question before when I posted it here!
He's not even really related to me, only by marriage to my aunt...who he has actually divorced recently. I haven't seen him in a year come February. I keep having these recurring dreams were I go to live with him in his apartment( that always changes because he only got it like a month ago and I haven't seen it yet...and unfortunately probably won't) and we sort of fall in love and have this kinky sex. He's 20 years my senior and I should definitely not be having these thoughts/dreams. I don't know what to do... I feel disgusted with myself but I just can't stop... 

Are these genuine dreams or is it also a sexual fantasy when you're awake? In either case, don't be too hard on yourself. We all have some kind of inappropriate thought, dream or fantasy. Thoughts and dreams aren't "you", they are things that happen TO you as experiences inside your head. You cannot control what enters your mind.

What you CAN control (with practice) is what has your attention. I strongly recommend meditation as a good way of emptying your mind of unwanted thought and focusing the attention on your hopes and ambitions. When your ability to focus is strong enough, unwanted thoughts still lurk around but they will no longer distress you.

No one on Facebook responds to me

Brooke says:
I've grown tired of it. I've been spied on by co-workers who told my boss about things I've posted. Out of the now 39 "friends" I have NO ONE writes on my wall or comments or likes unless I make a perverted post or an immature post. I want to be free from social media. Here's the thing, I've made a fb account about 6 times because each time I think it'll be different, but it never is. I comment on others and like others stuff, even pm them and they ignore me. I'm done. I feel that once I break free I will find the me I abandoned the moment I decided to join the social media (data collector, like sucking, life ruining) website we call Facebook. What should I say? I only care to tell the people I know from church that I'm leaving because they would care the most but I want a status for everyone to see. Not for attention, just to let them know. 

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You are going onto Facebook EXPECTING people to like you. If you're looking to form relationships, Facebook isn't the quickest way. You would be better off on forums of common interest, where people share your passions and beliefs. You will find people you relate to and who click with you very soon.

Facebook and Twitter are better used as "shop windows" where you can express your views and opinions, and share the odd joke with the world. It's always nice to get feedback but don't expect to generate instant fans.

What have I done wrong?

sharon says:
This guy is very quiet around me, unlike with other girls, whom i have seen him interacting with, their conversations seem to flow and hes talkative with them. With me, our conversations become awkward because he acts so quiet/reserved, and then he starts playing around with his phone. our conversations consist of me asking questions and him answering/ and/or him asking me the same questions back. It can get quiet because he just wont talk. Then another thing is he totally avoids me, like runs away literally when he sees me, or hides until im gone and then he preecedes going or doing whatever he was planning on doing. i dont understand what i did, did i annoy him by trying to talk to him?? I really don't understand! 

There are two possibilities. He might really like you and be shy and embarrassed. It could equally be that you annoy him. Either way, the problem is his not yours. No matter who you are, sometimes people will dislike you just because your personalities clash.

Stop treating it as your problem! If people like you that's great, and if not they can sit on it. My own life was much happier after I adopted that attitude. 

Should I bother with him?

<3 says:
Last September, I was talking to a guy online for a few weeks (I live in AZ, hes in CA). He gave me his number so I texted him saying "Hey whats up, how are you?". He took 24 hours to respond back with "Hey, just been super busy finishing up a project and now in Vegas for the weekend. How are you?". I was turned off by how long he took to reply so I never replied.

He randomly texted me earlier today saying "So where have you been Jessica?"
I said 'Arizona' and he says "I may be going to Phoenix soon :) I love it there, perhaps we can meetup and get to know each other".

Should I bother with him? Does it sound like a booty call?

It doesn't sound like a booty call, but it seems to me that distance is going to kill off any romance before it gets going, unless you've got unlimited cash to get to him.If it's romance you're looking for, I'd explore closer to home 

How do I tell her I don't like her?

:thatguy52 says;
So I liked this girl, but I figured it wouldn’t work for various reasons, and it’d be best to remain good friends. Problem is, before I made this decision, I messaged her a thoughtful message because she posted a sad statuses, and I wanted to cheer her up. I made it obvious I kinda like her, and I guess she doesn’t feel the same. She didn’t reply to the message (please don’t tease that) and now she ignored everything I post on Facebook (when she would like and comment very often). So I was wondering how can I show her I don’t like her online? She’s out of school for 2 weeks. 

It seems to me that the problem has solved itself - she's already not communicating with you. No further action is needed - just get on with your life! 

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Why are people who play Second Life such idiots?

Anonymous says:
I decided to play the game today since I had finished all of my college work and I was pretty bored.
I played it for about 2 hours before I had finally had enough. The people who play that game are bloody mental and pathetic. I'm not talking about those who just play for a few hours and then call it quits, I'm talking about people who spend years playing that game. Spending real money to buy virtual objects...

I get it, when I have a bad day at college the first thing I want to do is play some games. It calms me down and allows me to relax for a while but these people spend hours upon hours on the blasted thing.

I don't understand how someone's life can become so horrendous and mundane that they are happy to sit in front of a screen all day instead of interacting with real people.

This is coming from someone who is Autistic and finds it difficult in social situation.

I met a guy who kept talking about his overly matcho muscle avatar claiming that this is what he looks like in real life. I met a woman who claimed she goes on there to practise 'pregnancy'. A man who was bragging about taking out a loan to buy this virtual house or something...

I just don't understand... 

This is not so much a question but a rant. Being a (managed) sociopath I understand how you feel, but the short answer is GET OVER IT. It takes all kinds. We're all turned on by different things. In fact, it's our diversity that makes us strong and flexible. It boils down to Physics and the way things vibrate - you just vibrate in a different way to them. Accept it, wish them every happiness and go live your life your way.

Should I ask him out or wait?

Mm says:
So theres this show the day before valentines and I have no problem asking him to come with me to that, its more casual, and we are kinda dating...
but I should wait for him to ask me to hangout for valentines right
it would be like asking a guy to marry you
he should ask me
but what if he doesnt ask me?

If you want the guy you ask him! Nice as it is to be asked, never hesitate to take opportunities to get what you want. My wife did ALL the chasing - I was a bit slow to get it! We've been married 28 years now so there you go.

People mock me because I'm mentally ill

Kamal says:
here is the thing -  i am thinking that some people are following me and that i see black shadows that move.
but of course they are not true its just hallucinations

her is the thing some people think i am demon possesed even when i told them that my docters told me that i am mentally ill some people tell me "hey look that car is following you" so i think that people are really following me again right

here is the thing i go to the shop to buy something, some girl that i know from somewhere i don't know exactly where but i know that she knows my friend and she comes from the door and start to tell her friend that is working with her that the doors opened and closed by them self so i loled but ofcourse i was in stress at that moment and they loled too except for the girl that told us that right and all my friends think that i am the devil or something i tried to explain that i am mentally ill but they just belief what i said before, i contacted the docters

seems like people want to drive me crazy thats there main goal to get me in a nut house

3 weeks ago i was in the box with them the lights turned off and on but sh i t happens right its just a electric thing right or when the window broke its just glass cancer s hit happens right i tried to explain so many times but they are ignorant they wanna hear what they belief not what reality is i did recherche on this and discovered that such things are not real

maybe they are in religion books but they had a other concept of speaking so they where revering demon possesion as mental illness only with different words and knowledge

no disrespect to you if you are offended but thats reality and those people won't get me in a nut house 

I am afraid people can be cruel and ignorant. Do not allow yourself to be defined by what people say about you, but by what you want to achieve. my wife has a severe mental illness too, but she has learned to manage it and has a fulfilling happy life. It is crucial to get the right antipsychotic medication in the right dose, and there is some trial-and-error at first, because everyone is different. You cannot stop people being cruel and ignorant but you can respond my making a positive difference your way. Good luck

He took my picture

Haley says;
So today at lunch, my crush's best friend took a picture of me, but thought I never realized, but I did. I assumed he sent it to him because they are best friends. What does this mean? He used to really like me but I never got over my crush and he usually texts me a lot and compliments me and stares, but please help why do you think he took a picture? 

Only one way to find out - go ask him! All this overthinking won't get you any closer to an answer. And if you still have a thing for this guy, show some courage and go after him! As painful as rejection can be regretting the things you never did hurts worse. 

Should I take her to see Keith Urban or take my neighbour?

My ex loves country we are seeing each other but she has screwed up before,lied to me,said one thing did another but we have reconnected went out once but i want to see where her loyality lies and if she is into me because having a job and money or if she is really just me buying her things and taking her out. 

For a start you have agreed to take her back. If you want this to work, you are going to have to trust her motives - so either trust her and take her to the gig or dump her now. If she betrays your trust a second time I strongly recommend that there is no third chance.

A good idea for parents to meet my boyfriend?

Rawrrr says:
Ok so his parents know about us but my parents don't ._. And so I came up with a plan...
Over the summer I'm going to warped tour 2014 it's with a bunch of rock bands,screamo bands,death metal, etc. but since we both like it I want to ask if he can get his parents to get him tickets for where I live and we meet up there!!
Is that cute?
Should I ask him?
And btw he was planning already to come to tn over the summer yay! 

This is a no-brainer. Go girl! Always nice to meet another metalhead btw \m/ \m/ 

How do I complete my syllabus in a month?

Akirah says:
I have 2 books of each politics, sociology, english, hindi and 3 books of history. And I haven't read a page yet. Yes not even a page.
I was going under sevre depression. It still distracts me from studying.
Final exams are gonna start from 21st of february.
I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts.
Plz help. I havent read anything for whole year.

I can't memorise anything i've read for long time and it's high school final exams for final year. 

Short answer - you can't. Be reasonable with yourself and accept this now. Depression is a severe mental illness. If you got hit by a truck and spent 6 months in a coma, you wouldn't expect to pass would you? This really is no difference. It isn't even the priority, which is to successfully manage your illness and get as well as you can. You may want to consider joining one of the many depression support networks, so you've got people who understand. Severe depression usually requires ongoing meditation and therapy to manage it. Accepting yourself how you are and working around it is essential for you to live a fulfilling life.

Am I unattractive?

Rehema Zakari says:
Okay I'm really shy and people say I tend to look mad or sad when my face is neutral. In the past only one guy liked me and he had a mental disability. I reconnected with a guy who was trying to use me for sex and I was gonna let him because I didn't want to be left out and be the clueless virgin in the room. He didn't get my virginity and stopped talking to me and I feel like it's my fault, I met a man online and he wants to talk to me now, I have yet to meet someone the old fashioned way who really likes me and is not trying to bust his but. Is it because I'm ugly or what? 

It's definitely not because you're ugly - you just lack confidence. You need to do two things. Firstly, do some research about building confidence - get Googleing! Learning techniques to grow confidence will make you more attractive. Secondly, consider a dating agency. They cost money but they allow you to pick and choose your matches and take luck out of the equation. And don't compromise your standards! Wait for Mr. Right, not Mr Prepared to Go With You.

My friend hasn't texted me

Kate says:
My best friend moved, and we would text a lot, then she just stoped texting me i have texted her like 7 times and has been five days now and still no reply - why? 

Some questions don't have an answer - or hundreds of answers. There could be lots of reasons, anything from a cancelled phone contract to a family crisis. Try getting in touch by another method. 

Should I ask a girl out twice?

Sunny says:
So I asked a girl out for a date the same night and she said she was busy, but come back to her work and ask again the next time. I am kind of hesitant about going back because A. I don't want to look like a creep and B. She was super nice, smiley and friendly the first time I don't want to be that guy that she has to shoot down rudely.
On the other hand. She was super friendly and could have said, I'm not interested, I have a boyfriend, plain old no thanks or whatever but instead she told me to come back and ask again. .so. ...My best friend says she "wants me to chase her" but he is a kinda over confident sometimes. What do you guys think? 

Time to grow a pair Sunny! Feel the fear and do it anyway! Go ask her! never let fear of rejection get in your way. Sounds promising to me, but even if you get blown out, do exactly the same with the next girl. The way to deal with potential rejection is to walk right through it and out the other side! Be strong, grit your teeth, show some guts and good luck.

Does he?

Destinee says:
How do you know if a guy really likes you?

You don't until one of you has the courage to talk to the other and find out. Relationships is a risk business! Some folks get real lucky, but most of us have a few bad experiences along the way. It's like learning to walk. As a baby you got dumped on your *** and cried a few times but you got there, because babies know no fear. Now you feel fear, but you gotta take risks anyway. Good luck!

Should I cancel dinner?

Sophie Adams says:
I made dinner plans with my boyfriend of 1 month for tonight. He sent me a text around lunch saying he's having a crazy busy day and he has no idea when he's going to get off work and he's been there since 6am. He didn't say anything about dinner but I'm reading into it.
I responded to tell him to hang in there and if he needs to cancel dinner plans, I'll understand. His response was that he'll keep me posted. Part of me was hoping he'd say "no way!!!".

Should I have given him that out, or should I have left it up to him to make that decision?

Historically, I fear rejection and if it's my idea, then I'm not being rejected but if he does then I am. Should I be giving him that out? 

You did exactly the right thing. However, if it becomes a regular thing, you will have to decide whether you're going to accept that. It's about flexibility. You understand sometimes work is hectic and he has to understand you must come first at least some of the time. If he can't be flexible, you are choosing to accept to be second to his career. All this remains to be seen. For now, respect to you for being understanding. 

Are quiet girls horny?

Mr Rax
There is an Indian girl in my class. She is very shy and doesn't talk to guys very much. She is so cute and I like her very much. So, are girls who look very descent and homely also horny sometimes?
Just curious. 

When it comes to libido, outward appearances tell you nothing. My wife is quite reserved socially but she's costing me a fortune in Viagra! You never really find out what they're like until you get with them. 

I never see my girlfriend!

Derek says:
We are two young adult teens. Together for 2 years. Had each other's backs through it all so far. Here is the thing. I'm really in love with this girl. I would do literally anything for her. But I want more valuable time with her. I mean like going out together. We do spend a lot of time together but I want to go out more with her. Me and my girl went through somethin bad broke up in our first year got back together and her mom has hated me since. So we have been hiding for a whole year from her mom. Sneaking in the house all night an that's about when I see her. She is very busy. Last year of high school. She leaves for navy on 4 year contract in 5 months. Just to go to school. And she works 40 hours on top of HS an has navy activities. Her mom will not let her date me. She's crazy and controlling. But my girlfriend says she can't tell her mom till she gets out of basic training. How in the heck can we spend time together at the movies etc while she is sooooo busy ? We get to rarely. 

Short answer is, if you love this girl that much - get used to it! What do you think it will be like when she joins the navy?! If anything, what you're going through now is good training! If you want someone who can be around all the time, dating a navy girl is the wrong choice. Accept it or let her go - that is in the best interest of both of you.

I don't like the way my girlfriend dresses!

Ken says:
My gf is always wearing clothing too small and everyone can see her butt and breasts all the time. Like when we go club and she's dancing with her friends I noticed her butts always popping out it's embarrassing when my friends stare too. I'm not being crazy I don't usually get this insecure about how my gf's dress. I need advice! 

Did she dress like this BEFORE you got together? If so, it shouldn't be a problem now! The second question is, why are you talking to us about it and not her? If you want a long-term relationship, you are going to have to acquire qualities like openness, honesty and trust. Jealousy by the way is a guaranteed relationship-killer. If you have a problem with it, in a gentle way you need to discuss it, and be prepared to compromise and very importantly, listen to what she has to say about it. End of the day, how she dresses is her choice. You have to accept that and if she's not prepared to change, strike a deal that everyone can look all they like but only YOU get to touch. 

My menstrual cycle is longer since my wedding

Princess says:
I have a regular 30 day cycle before my wedding. But after my wedding my cycle becomes longer as it is of 39 days first month of wedding , 36 day second month of wedding and now i am due with my cycle length of 37 days. Also i have unprotected sex this month for first 19 days while had severe UTI. Can i be pregnant? 

The pregnancy question has a quick answer - take a test, and soon! The sooner you know, the better. Regarding menstrual cycles, stress or sudden change of circumstances can certainly affect it - it is very susceptible to your state of mind, so I do not find this surprising. As you become settled into your new married status, it may settle down, but it depends on how stressful your circumstances are and your general state of health. 

Is she just being friendly?

Anonymous says:
I told this girl i liked her too soon back in October and she said this:
I've been thinking about it but I really just don't want to lead you on in any sort of way and after all that's happened I feel like ill end up disappointing you in some way. I'm sorry, maybe after awhile we can pick it back as friends. I just don't want to mess with your feelings or anything like that. I thought I would give you some time because I figured it wouldnt be easy to go from wanting to be serious to just friends. That's how I would feel in a situation like this if it was flipped. I know it's kind of blowing out of proportion to be honest. I would understand if we were already really good friends, but we barely know eachother. I mean yes I don't know what else we would be.

I waited for a little while to talk to her after this so it will ease the awkward tension

so i talked to her mid december and things are good you can say from a friends stand point. she likes almost all my post and stuff, and convos are good.And for the first time she asked me if i wasn't busy and wanted to do something. This will be our third time hanging out

she said this:

" we'll if you're ever bored and want to explore the city or hike let me know! I need to make most of my time here I really want to find a cool hiking spot. I do have something at 4 but we can do a morning afternoon thing! "

So we went on a hike yesterday for 3 hours and it went good but it was quick cause we both had work at a certain hour, and after she asked to hang next weekend and i accepted. later i texted her saying it was fun hanging with her and she said

"ahh i did too! Next time hopefully we won't be so rushed!

I'm not over thinking that she wants something but i just wanted to know if is this a sign of interest or just being friendly? 

She has made her position very clear. I really wouldn't waste to much time hoping it will end up more than what it already is. If you're looking for romance, look elsewhere. I subscribe to the view that guys and girls are rarely close friends because the male hormones get in the way, unless one of you is gay. 

I can smell him from a distance!

Maggie MacBrowne says:
My crush works with me and has a very distinct smell. I can smell him when he walks in the door. Here's the catch - NO ONE else can smell him. I've commented that he always smells weird and everyone looks at me funny. It's a strange musky odor that I've only ever smelled on him. It's extremely strong to me. He left his coat at work once and I could smell him in the store the whole night, but no one else did. It's not cologne. I wasn't sure how I felt about the smell at first, because it was so different, but now it's pleasant to me and makes me want to be around him more. Is it some sort of hormone? Or pheromone? If I'm the only one who can smell that I have a distinctive smell to HIM? 

Some people are gifted with an enhanced sense of smell. I know a mother who says her children have a unique smell she can distinguish from everyone else. Don't worry about it - it's a gift that you just need to keep quietly to yourself in normal life or perhaps will give an edge in certain lines of work, such as in cosmetics.

Running out of things to text

Silver119 says:
I met this girl last week. We went out once and have another date next week. We have pretty much chatted via text everyday since we met. She's really nice and I like her but I'm running out of things to say she's usually the one who messages first. 

A few times a day, just give a commentary of what you're up to, like "ho-hum, better get some more milk, we're low again xxx". I do this with my wife and she loves it, and it means I don't have to think about something to say. 

Is she going to break up with me?

HjAnsJsJs says:
So i've been with my girlfriend for a while now. And we did break up like 1yr ago, and we got back together she told me, she missed me soo much and she was so sad. But anyways we've been together for along time now. And recently i've noticed a lot of things that bug me about our relationship. But before i do get into the details, i just want to describe how i treat our relationship; okay so i really love her and i feel a lot towards her. I comfort her in everyway, i be there for her all the time and i compliment her every time she deserves one, sometimes i do feel I'm giving her too much, but you guys/girls will know that it's impossible to depart from someone who you are attached to. Anyways the main thing which is happening is, so recently when we have been chatting, we have been really high in love, and i mean really high. So sometimes i do ask her stuff, like deep stuff and she tends to avoid the question etc. and suspense the situation. Now the other day we had such an amazing conversation and the next day she ignored me full on. I really confronted her and asked her why you do this to a healthy relationship, you are only departing me from you. Then after a lot of asking her, she told me, she wanted to see how it would be without me. I said how was it, she said boring. WTF boring, i thought she would say she missed me ?. Anyways yesterday we had an amazing conversation, and today she texted me she has a headache and she's going sleep (Hey I'm going to sleep have a headache cya luv u (heart) (heart) (heart)) <that's the exact text. Before anyone does say anything i feel like that she wants to depart or something. She used to express her love soo much and now she doesn't as much. I confronted her that it hurts when you don't talk and i miss you loads, and she said I'm sorry and i promise i would do it again. She knows now that I get apparently mad if she ignores me or something like that. But if i carry on giving her so much attention, i know i will lose her. And if i ignore her so she can feel about me, she will think I'm mad. Also if i get mad or if she thinks that she will shut down Skype (what we normally talk on) and decide to not talk and let me cool down. But the thing is what should i do. I don't want to be needy and i really need to get this straight. I need to do something, plz help and a true answer will help, i really care and love her truly and I've told her this and i mean it. Honestly kills me from inside. plz help ;'( p.s. can i do something that will make her want me?
Please give me a tip on what to do. plus i did ask her has she lost feeling for me? she said straight "No." and i then even asked her our you sure she said "yep".???? 

You are obviously an intense person and prone to overthinking. You need to be aware that can be a turn-off. That said, this doesn't necessarily mean you're about to break up, you just need to be aware of it.

If this relationship is to survive there has to be trust. You cannot from someone's mood determine what they're thinking or what's going on in their heart. You have to TRUST the other person. I would recommend this policy: Trust absolutely, but give it only one life. Believe everything she tells you and tell her you will do so. However, if you get absolute proof she has lied to you, it's over. You must also have the same high standard of honesty

Trust gives the other person "room to breathe" - constantly asking for reassurance will suffocate the relationship, so you need to believe and let the other have moody days - just quietly be there for them on such days.

Finally, remember all relationships are fragile and risky - there are no guarantees - you need to accept this, it goes with the territory. Trust and believe in the other person until or unless they prove themselves unworthy. 

Friends with benefits

gemini g says:
I had a friends with benefits situation with a guy friend who had a gf last summer. Things got complicated between us because he started to treat me badly. Ignoring calls and standing me up. He stopped speaking to me for a while. He broke up with that gf and now has a new gf he has been dating for 4 months. He hadn't spoken to me in 4 months and out of the blue last week he called and asked if he could come over. I let him.
We both talked about how we missed each other and we had sex. He spent the night cuddled with me and said all of these good things. He even told me that he wanted to be my "bf on the side". Friends told me that he was happy with his new girl so why is coming to me for sex? I felt bad about myself, especially since I haven't heard from him since he left my place that morning and I've been avoiding any group get togethers with our friends because I know he'll be there.

If he is so happy with the new gf why is coming back to me for a sexual relationship? 

You are being used by a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it. This is not going to end well whatever happens, and if you want to spare yourself some hurt end this now - and DON'T let this jerk back into your life under any circumstances.