Thursday, 10 July 2014

I got a non-comittal response!

Sarah says:
So yesterday I told the guy that I liked that I liked him because I wanted to know the answer already. But instead of things being more clear now, they're more blurry than ever! You see, he said he likes me but since we've never met he can't tell for sure (we met online). And that was it! So basically he didn't dump me but he also didn't take me???

I just want to know where I'm going with it but I don't wanna be too pushy because that would probably ruin all my chances. I don't know what else should I do... I really like him but he put me in an awful position. 

If you want to pursue this, push him for a face-to-face meetup in a public place. If he comes up with excuses why not, I would dump him at that point. As well as saying they like you, any prospective partner must show some intention to put money where mouth is, get off their butt and do something about it. You can't dance with someone who won't get off their chair.

My boyfriend has too many opportunities to cheat!

Tamara says:
My bf works with all women. He runs a dance studio. I was one of his students and we met this way and started a relationship. He instructs other women and women work for him. I am always insecure that he is around women. I am very attractive. Have a tight, fit body and he says I am the most beautiful, sexy and desirable woman he knows. 

But I always have a fear in my heart. Because he is charismatic and will have opportunities at every turn. I find this sometimes affects my relationship with him as I am jealous and I let him know when things bother me. I love him and we have the most incredible sex ever. 

But I do not know how to deal with this jealousy that I have. Is it rational? Irrational? He is a friendly guy too. What if someone puts the moves on him and he doesn't/can't refuse? How can I get over this without it ruining our relationship? Could anyone offer advice? Never been in this type of situation before. Oh, why couldn't he just be locked in a room working on computers all day, all by himself???

What you are feeling will find sympathy with women everywhere, and quite a few guys too! I have also had a few clients who came to me because their jealousy was destroying their relationship, so it's a very common issue.

The reality is that there are never any guarantees in even the best relationships. If your relationship is very good right now, my advice is always the same - trust absolutely until conclusively proven to be betrayed. Make his very clear to him - it's all or nothing. Pledge to him your absolute confidence in his professionalism and loyalty to you, but if he betrays that trust, it will never be given again.

Having drawn that line and made that open expression of absolute faith in him, instead of imagining him being tempted, imagine interesting things he's going to get when he comes home!

The key to dealing with your own jealousy is a combination of open acts of faith and keeping focus on happiness and gratitude. Worry is a prayer to the universe to give you your worst nightmare, and gratitude is a prayer for more good stuff please!

Shall I fight for this love?

Antwan says:
Just a month ago I got together with my girlfriend, and now we've split up. Only thing that we split up over was about the fact that she's still in high school, and I'm going off to college. I've been gone for a month on personal business to another city while she's back at home. I've done my best to talk to her everyday and keep in touch with her, but she said that wasn't enough. I gave her a set date of when I was coming home, and she was all set and ready for me to come back, as I was. 

However, that date had to be postponed till the week after, and she didn't want to wait that much longer. I told her and promised her I'd do whatever I could to come see her when I get back home. No matter how late the time, or what I had to do in order to come see her I was willing to do it, but she said she's not going for it. 

There's not a living ounce in me that wants to break up with her, especially over this reason in general. Someone please help me, should I still fight for my love, or keep my head up, and keep it moving? I don't wanna lose her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't care for most of my ex's, especially the way I care about her. 

I am reminded of my own wife's persistence at chasing me when I also proposed a breakup due to distance, although I didn't work so hard at discouraging her. She wore me down, she spent a lot of money traveling, we got married and we're still together!

However that doesn't mean your own persistence will pay off. It all depends on her feelings for you. I would be inclined to fight for this love until you are convinced it won't be returned. If you want to take a chance and force the issue, the offer to make is TELL ME YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AND I'LL STOP CHASING YOU. This however is an "Ace". Once you've played the ace, there's no way back!

Don't walk away until you've definitely lost, but if that happens, walk away for good.

I am 16 and confused!

Brian says:
I'm a 16 year old guy. I go to a private high school. It's summer. I lied to my friends and said my Xbox membership expired. That's how we communicate in the summer months. Play games together. Someone's their toxic, sometimes their friendly. I've considered leaving that school for personal reasons like lack of progression in academics and bullying. It's just not the right school I don't think. 

I've thought about online school. I went to a youth group today at a church. All alone. Very brave of me really. Tagged along with some other teenagers. Didn't get to talk as much as I would have liked to. More about the service than making friends unfortunately. Not sure if I'm gonna go back. It's every Wednesday and Saturday. 

The kids were mostly friendly, this girl I met seemed to like me. Which is really cool. I just wanted to try a new environment with all new people. I'm just lost in general. Thinking what if I left my school. Kept this youth group going. Got a job. Lots of uncertainty. I'm just not feeling a return to that place. I'm also in an experimental period. I wanting to use a new name,etc. 

You may be comforted to know that a common symptom of being 16 is having no idea what you're doing. You probably won't ever be ABSOLUTELY sure what you're doing, because most adults aren't!

You can start making it clearer though by thinking about what you really want. If you had the perfect life, how would it make you feel? Think also about what can make you feel that way now, what you're good at and what a perfect life would look like. Once you know where you want to go, you can start working towards it, and the decisions need to make now can be made with that purpose in mind.

And don't be put off if what you want seems impossible! Just want it REAL BAD. When you're focused on what you want, rather than what you don't, it comes nearer. If you shoot for the stars, at the very least you'll reach the moon! 

I'm worried about my bullied client

Elliot says:
Hi I'm 24 and a personal trainer, my client is 16. Yesterday me and a female collegue were training in the local park and my collegue stopped and said, "Elliott is that who I think it is?" I turned round and saw my poor client getting battered to a pulp by 4 girls. We ran and my collegue shoved them and was like, "You should be ashamed of yourselves!!" 

She was yelling for ages while I picked up my client and cleaned her face up with tissues and she just curled up against me giving me a hug. Normally I would've not hugged her back but under the circumstances I did and I rocked her back and forth and she said, "El it was so awful" I hugged her tighter and said, "Shh sweetheart everything's gonna be ok" so she'd calmed down and then my collegue came over absolutely furious with the other girls. 

We took her back home and explained to her mum what happened but I am so worried about her and I feel horrendous. What do I say next session to her? If they weren't girls I would've hit them because it's absolutely disgusting to hit someone for no reason. Oh and people filmed the fight and it's online what do I do?? 

I am assuming that you teach exercise and fitness. I have no doubt therefore that you will have contacts in self-defence, and I strongly recommend you refer her to one of these, particularly ones willing to do freebies in return for recommendations.

As sorry as you are for her, you are not her Guardian Angel, and she herself has to take responsibility for her own self-defence. In my experience, those who stop being afraid of taking a hit and are fully prepared to strike back stop getting bullied. It's her fight, and all you can do is point out where she can get a weapon.

I've been dumped by my best friend!

Megan says:
So when the person who knows you inside out turns their back on you, it feels like a stab through the heart. Right up until my best friend ­dumped , I’d have said we were as close as sisters.We knew each other so well, we could finish each other’s sentences and make each other laugh just by looking at one another in a certain way.Over the years, we had shared the most intimate events of our lives with each other.

We have been friends for 15 years since kindegarden and now we finished high school . She will be a doctor and I will continue architecture, but we planned to share a house together . But 2 weeks after high school she dumped me . She said I was acting different and she didnt want to continue our friendship. Now we have 6 weeks that we dont text, see or call each-other . She found a new friend and i see that she is ******* happy ! And i am the one who's suffering ALONE...:/
Do you think I may find good friends in university ? Will there be anyone just like me , alone with no friends?? 

The fact is that relationships that "go the distance" are in the minority - most have a birth and death. When a treasured relationship dies, you inevitably grieve over it and ask yourself lots of "what if..." questions. It's even harder when the other seems to bounce back almost immediately - though appearances can be deceptive.

It's time for you to let her go in your heart and move on. Treasure the good memories but make a new start. I have no doubt you'll find a kindred spirit at college, but don't be tempted to commit to people prematurely. Simply seek opportunities to strike up conversations about common interest and you will inevitably attract the like-minded.

Don't apportion blame and don't look back in anger. Get up from the "grave" and walk away. Life goes on. 

Thursday, 3 July 2014

A massage turned into something more

Graham says:
My gf gave me approval to get a happy ending massage, assuming it would be a HJ, but the girl gave me a BJ instead (with a condom). Did that turn a non-cheating event into a cheating event?
And before anyone asks, I'd be okay with her getting a fingered happy ending massage, or being played with a toy, but regarding the condom *******, she couldn't have an oral happy ending without actually exchanging fluids with someone, so I'm not sure how I'd feel. 

If you both want sex, what's the problem? If you want a sexual relationship of any kind, it DOES involve the exchanging of body fluids - you've done that already if you've kissed her. You're really having sex already and just splitting hairs over what sex means. If you're a Christian who's taken The Pledge, you've broken it already. If you're not, allow the joy of sex to fulfill your relationship, using proper contraception. 

I can't hide my feelings any longer

Alexander says:
I'm thinking of telling my crush of 4 years how I feel about her and it will be certain rejection and I don't really like looking sad in front of her because she will try to cheer me up by making me laugh and stuff but I don't want her to do that because what if I cry or something? How can I not look sad or even cry? (Yeah I'm sensitive guy, but only when it comes to her). 

This is a very common dilemma - you don't want to ruin a great friendship by telling her how you feel. But you are living a lie! It ISN'T a great friendship at all, just torture for you having what you can't have right in your face. This cannot go on. Tell her how you feel, and if what you expect happens, move on to other friendships and other relationships. That will be much better than what you're doing now.

I have no friends left

Nikki says:
I have known my best friend for 8 years, and we are in the same class. It has always been only us two, because everyone else hates us lol. Now there's a new girl who has more common interests with my best friend and my best friend just leaves me. I have NO ONE to be with, what should I do?

Some of us just don't fit in. If you don't fit in, you were born to stand out. For misfits, school can be Hell On Earth. Sooner or later like-minded people will come into your life and you will "find your place", but meantime seek them out online instead.

Am I being exploited?

John says:
First off, no I'm not materialistic. So I've been with this girl for about three months. She was also the person I took to prom. Even on prom, I saw the only person at the prom that didn't receive the male version of a corsage. So far I've taking her shopping a couple of times and I've taken her place multiple times. I've spent about 500 dollars on her (we're only 18) compared to her 40 or below, which she paid for food or movie tickets. However, she took her friend out shopping and to the movies on multiple occasions. 

She's made me promises but failed to deliver. In the end, I just want a 50/50 relationship when it comes to spending as well. She always talks about how she'll pay for her friend to go do this and that, but never does this for me. I know three months is not long, but it's long enough to recieve SOMETHING, even a card or something homemade. It's the thought that counts. 

She has tons of stuff I have bought her. I even have her a tv cause she didn't have one. She can make a little wardrobe with the stuff I've bought her. I believe to not fair and I'm not taking her anywhere or buying her anything else. She's a sweet girl, we both have plans for the future looks, we both have jobs, so as a person, she's cool. But she always blows her money on everything but me. Then im the one paying for all our get-togethers. I hate feeling used and abused.I have money, but I work hard for it.I can buy my own stuff, But again, it's the thought that counts.

You seem to be wanting confirmation for what you already know - that you're being taken for a ride. I'm happy to give you that confirmation. You're not imagining it - you ARE being exploited. Dump her right now, and put it down to experience. Next time you're being exploited, don't leave it so long before acting.

We both like doll roleplay

Susan says:
My bf and I are both virgins and in high school so role-playing is a fun, non-gross thing for us to do. I used to love getting treated like a babydoll by my boyfriend in private...but now he wants to be treated like the doll instead! It's fun sometimes but now he always wants to be the doll ALL the time. He's feminine looking and petite and I feel like he fits the role better than me! How can I get the attention back on me? 

Demand it! Or rather negotiate it. That said, I don't think your relationship has a future. You are both sexually submissive and your ideal partner is actually a caring Dominant.

Does she want my buddy or me?

Mercury says:
This girl I like at work would find weird ways to put herself around me all the time. Like take the same breaks as me and meet me in certain places she knew I'd be at certain times. Sometimes I feel like she likes my buddy too. I feel like she started taking the stairs out to the parking lot every afternoon after he started which is the way he goes. Instead of taking the elevator. 

Although I remember seeing her walk the elevator way before he came I can't really remember what she did usually. Now that he's gone she's still taking the stairs so I don't know if she was doing this to run into him or what?? 
Maybe she got tired of you making no move! It's not too late to ask her out, but why didn't you do that when she was giving you every opportunity? If you like her, show the balls you haven't shown up to now.

Does he like me?

Jacynta says:
Theres this guy from school that I talk to online alot. He's told me things that he's never told anyone else. I'm pretty sure he's friendzoned me because he's also asked for my opinion on whos the hottest out of a number of girls or whatever. The thing is, he is very affectionate with me. He hugs me quite often, and one time my friend called me a **** and he said "No no, don't call her that, don't". He also kissed me on the cheek on that day. 

There was another time when we were at a party and he kept accidentally calling everyone my name. He came up and told me and my friend about it later and jokingly said "I'm love with you". Another time, we were in an exam and he turned around and gave me a high five, before giving everyone else one. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I was the furthest person away from him and he gave me one first. 

So I know all these things could just mean he's a friendly and affectionate person but I can't help but wish there was at least a tiny bit of truth behind "I'm in love with you".

So, based on what I've said, do you think there's any possibility that he might like me, even just a tiny bit? 

Yes there is but do you really want someone who hasn't got the balls to ask you out? Kindness is lovely, but you want someone with some backbone as well. If you're still not put off, spell it out to him that if he asked you out, you would say yes. And I really do mean SPELL IT OUT because guys just don't get female "hints"

My wife fancied me for ages but I just didn't get it. In fact everyone else got it except me! Eventually a mutual friend with a big mouth told me she fancied me and that made asking her out easy next time she set up a social event. Having got me in the end, she still has me!

Do doctors ever fall for nurses?

Holly says:
So I'm a 28 year old woman and I'm a student nurse. At the moment i'm on placement in a hospital... I'm only first year so this is my first time working in a hospital.. I realise I'm "at the bottom of the food chain" amongst the staff lol.
I spotted a gorgeous young doctor yesterday (my first day). A couple of times we made brief eye contact but neither one of us spoke to the other.

Does he think he's too important and "above me" to talk to me bacause I'm just a student nurse and he is a doctor?

Today I was in his way. I said, "oh sorry," and moved out of the way. But he didn't say anything back.

Is it possible he might find me attractive? Or is he just looking at me to see that I'm looking at him for his ego's sake? 

Doctor/nurse relationships happen all the time, between all ranks, but that doesn't men everyone wants you. You clearly fancy him, but that doesn't mean it's mutual. There's no evidence at all that he's remotely interested. Turn on some flirtatious female charm and see if you get a response, but keep your feet on the ground - you can't win 'em all.

My ex still hates me

Paula says:
He has a new gf, but he still stares at me and if he happens to be near me, gets so angry. Before we ended stuff, he was super happy and so sweet. Now he acts like a monster. If he's in a relationship, shouldn't he be happy??? I mean, he shows her off to the world cuz he thinks she's "hot". 

You have badly hurt him and he can't get over it. But that's his problem not yours - you've both moved on. Whether you deserve it or whether you don't, you can't change what's in someone else's head. Simply stay away from the guy as much as you can, avoid eye contact when you do see him, and live your own life the best way you can.

Should I contact him again?

Plums says:
So me and this guy were speaking for hours till like 4am then I feel asleep on him. The next day I said sorry I feel asleep and the conversation continued. We got to know each other and then randomly he said I'll hook you up with my brother. I was like wtf no, he goes cos we're both the same age and I'm too young for him
I'm 18 and he's 21 btw. After that I just ignored him and then the next day I changed my display picture and he complimented me. This means that he didn't delete my number even though he sort of 'rejected' me

Anyways I really want to talk to him & for him to like me. I know he's not gonna speak to me because it's been a couple of days now. What exactly can I say to get him interested in me or shall I forget it overall

How can you get a guy to like you? 

Do you really want to hook up with someone who has made such an insulting remark? At the very least you need to demand an apology as the minimum requirement before he comes anywhere near you again. I think you are setting your standards too low. Start seeing yourself as a prize to be won by the best man for you.

You cannot make anyone like you. They like you or they don't. Be yourself, be proud, demand respect, and the right man will come along

Our relationship is becoming serious

Mish says:
I've been seeing a guy. He told me that he fell for me hard and rightfully so. And how his heart literally beats differently for me. I know I'm NOT his first girlfriend. He's had girlfriends before me. We also text many times during the day and on the phone for hours about everything. On the phone few nights ago, he asks me a random question if I believe in soulmates. I told him I do. And he told he does too. I didn't think much of it because we talk about random things. And it's not like he said I was his soulmate, he just asked my opinion. Our goodbyes on the phone are like 10 minutes plus. When we hung up, we texted again and he texts me "where have you been all my life ? Goodness :) "
We have a lot of fun together, but when we get serious, we do get serious. We seriously can talk about everything. We are quite young, only 23, but we are mature. He grew up with pastor parents and have a strong family. I grew up in a similar household so we hold similar values. Yesterday when we were talking, he asks me a random question again asking how many children I wanted. I told him I wanted 2, preferably 1 daughter and 1 son. Then he agreed with me and we had a convo on that about 10 minutes how he believes a guy should have a strong woman beside who can set the tone and how he agrees with me that he likes to have 1 daughter and son just like his household etc.

When a guy asks me this question, does it mean he sees me in his future although we are so young?? 

You can never know exactly what is going on in someone else's head, which may or may not be the same as what they're saying. Your best course of action is to enjoy this relationship one day at a time and see what happens. Btw 23 is not so young - I met my wife at 20, and I know some other fiftysomethings who have been together since their teens.

Only you can decide whether this is the "one" and how long you are prepared for him to say he feels the same.

I can't find him!

Shannen says:
I met this boy when i was away and all i know is his first name and the company he was working for, i cant find him on facebook and i have messaged the company but i doubt they will get back to me as it is a very big company. Any other suggestions? 

If this relationship was ever going to happen you would have exchanged contact details before you parted. I'm afraid it's not going to happen. Shrug your shoulders and move on. 

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

My boyfriend can't stay hard

Yoo says:
We have been having sex for 2.5 years now. He takes a while to finish, which is awesome for me. He also has to take breaks now and then to jerk off and re-harden, which I understand is normal and I never minded.

But for the past few weeks, he has been unusually... Unhard. He can barely keep it hard for long at all. I understand this probably isn't his fault, and I always tell him sex was awesome. I suspected that he may be stressed because the problem started around when he started a new overnight job, so his sleeping schedule is way off.

What do you think this could be? How can I help this situation? 
You have not mentioned his age, which would be useful. However Erectile Dysfunction can happen at any age. There are many possible causes but age itself is the main one. It can occur at 30+ but is more common at 40+ and very common at 50+ - and I should know! It's embarrassing and upsetting for a man when it first happens, but very common. The cheap simple solution to try first is Sildenafil - generic Viagra.

He doesn't want to introduce me to his parents

Susan says:
My boyfriend and I (ages 22 and 21, respectively) have been officially together for a little over 2 years. We are very much in love and everything is perfect except for this one thing - we are of different cultures and although he is loved and accepted by my family, its his family that would have an issue with him dating someone that is not of the same culture. As a result, he has never introduced me to his parents. I understand that cultures differences may be tricky, but I just don't see how this relationship can turn into anything further unless I can meet his parents.
He says that they will not be tolerant of me and it will cause a lot of issues in our relationship that could ultimately lead to its end, and he doesn't get why I'm even trying to push the issue. Ive suggested being introduced as 'just a friend' or even just casually bumping into his parents 'randomly' and having him introduce me then, but he's still even hesitant about that.

I know he's not 'ashamed' or 'embarassed' by me or anything like that because he's introduced me to all of his friends, so I just dont know what else I should/could even do about the situation.

Am I wrong for trying to push meeting his parents? Does anyone have any ideas on what I could be doing to resolve this issue? Ive been talking to our mutual friends about this issue, but no one can seem to find a solution. Please let me know what you think about this situation or any advice. Thanks! 

The answer depends on what you want. If what you've got is enough for you, let it go and accept it. However I suspect that ISN'T enough for you. You will always have the worry that his family will at some point intervene and end it. Are you prepared to live with at risk? Only you can answer that question, and the answer determines what you should do next. 

What do I do about my controlling boyfriend?

Anonymous says:
We've been dating for a year and a couple of months, he is 9 years older than me, and he is controlling. I attend The university of Texas, when we first met, I was still talking to guys (texting) that attended UT, and he was hanging out at his house having parties with girls... we grew out of that but he doesn't "trust" me at UT, hates how we live 3.5 hours apart, and wants me to move to a sister-college of UT that is closer to his town so we can grow as a couple... I have a scholarship at UT and if I move, I will lose it. I was really supposed to go to that other school originally, but this extra $2.5K a semester helps me...
now to today,

I am attending a community college at home, and I texted him and said how I am going to tutoring today, he starts to question me so much, and finally calls. He starts yelling saying how I was a "hoe" in the past and how he doesn't trust me anywhere. And he thinks i am meeting with a tutoring guy and said your not going to go to that and sit down with some guy, you are not going to that. He called me a C***, a stupid b****, a sl**.... I feel like I cant breathe... Its my school, this is my school...?! I love UT but i feel like aftr dating him I convinced myself that I hate it... I really want to be with him, but this just makes me laugh on why he acts like this... I dont understand. Its been a year since ive talked to any guy from UT and he still brings this up 

Dump this guy RIGHT NOW if you don't want to be hurt in every way, and end up being fitted with a mass of tubes in the Emergency Room.

This is very serious. The essential key ingredients in any relationship is TRUST and RESPECT and this guy has none for you. It is NOT going to get any better and he is NOT going to change. You are in serious danger if you pursue this relationship a moment longer.  

Why can't I fall in love?

Anonymous says
Ok so the past year and a half I have had 2 boyfriends one boy was the same age as me 17, and he was kind of my first love and I knew I loved him he was also my longest relationship.

After him I met a few other boys and I never really liked any of them but then I m et a boy called Matt so I when on a few dates with him and after a few weeks we made it official but I just wasn't getting any feelings for him at all! So I eventually broke up with him.

I'm currently seeing a boy who on paper is everything I like in boys but after a few dates there's just nothing there!
It just seems like I don't ever get feelings for people and the only person I had feelings for is my first love! Who broke my heart!:(

WHYYY is this happening?! 

Woah there! Slow down! There's nothing wrong with you except your expectations of both love and yourself.

Love just doesn't obey simple rules like compatibility and suitability. You can't cook it up like a recipe! I know people talk about finding love, but what really happens is love finds YOU in its own sweet time. You can't rush it, summon it, or create it. It arrives itself unannounced.

It's no bad thing, especially as a teen, not to fall in love too easily - it means you won't end up with some moron. Get on with other aspects of your life like finding the right career for you, and love will call on YOU sooner or later.

Btw no reason you can't carry on dating in the meantime if you want to. 

Should I forgive him or dump him?

Kassiia says;
My bf went on another girls fb everyday, sometimes even 3 times a day. This was happening for about 4 months! Then I caught him and he stopped and he even blocked her for me. They never talked,  I know that for sure. But should I break up with him? Or let it go? He said he only did that because he thought she was good looking. 

But he would never be interested in a girl like her (she is the definition of a slut). btw my bf is a shy guy and I know he would NEVER cheat. But it just bugs me how he kept looking at her profile soooo much!!!! We have been dating for 3 years!!! And he doesn't even talk to other girls. HE HAS NEVER TALKED TO THIS GIRL, otherwise I would never forgive him. I need mature answers btw

You have really answered your own question. After doing something wrong, he did everything to put it right. Men are very tempted by highly sexual women but the bottom line is he was only tempted.
Forgiveness is essential in any relationship. Of course, if he did it again, that would be another matter. As it stands, show the same mercy you would like to be shown if you unintentionally had hurt him instead.

I've upset my girlfriend!

I’m 19, my GF is 19, and we’re 6 years in. We live together as well. Even after all these years she’s very loving, sweet, and downright playful. I’m not a misogynist or a chauvinist( if I were how could I keep a GF for 6 years). I like to think of myself as a respectful guy and I am. Anyway, last night she decided to play “ What do you like about your boyfriend/girlfriend. When my joke went awry.
Her: Your smile
Me: Your eyes
Her: Sensitivity
Me: Your legs
Her: Big heart
Me: Pouty soft lips
Her: tenderness
Me: Your impressive rack * laughs *
Her: excuse me?
Me: What can I say? Your boobs are wonderful
Her: You’re unbelievably shallow. I have more than just a body you know. I have a brain. Everything you said was about my body
Me: Sorry if I hurt your feelings
Her: I’m not forgetting this just because you’re sorry. Tonight you can sleep at the zoo with the other mindless apes
Me: I’m really sorry. If it helps, say something about me.
Her: No, It’s rude and I don’t like hurting people’s feelings like you do.
Me: Sweetie, I…
Her: Leave me alone

She locked herself in her room crying and hasn’t spoken to me. Best way to apologize? 

You were being a typical guy! However you need to realize that most girls want to be appreciated for things other than their wibbly-wobbly bits.

It doesn't sound like you like her just because she is physically attractive, and it's these other things she wants to hear. Strong relationships stay together because each one finds qualities in the other they deeply respect and admire. My wife for example is phenomenally loving and patient with me, and she never bears a grudge about my past behaviour. These are the things I compliment her with.

A few non-physical compliments and a bunch of flowers will hopefully do the trick. By the way my wife has fabulous **** too, but she knows that I don't just love her for those. 

Should I settle for my ex-girlfiend?

Nicholas says:
I'm 19 and in college. My ex recently came back like two months ago and she wants us to be together again because last time we broke up because I thought she and I could do better (two years back.) anyways, I was told when you truly love someone you love everything about them including their flaws.. But the thing is her flaws disturb me. At the same time I don't think I can do better. I've had girls talk about me and such but my social skills are below zero. So should I just try to build up my confidence and social skills and speak to new people or should I just accept her for who she is and just go with it.

Not unusual for a 19 year old, you have self-esteem issues and are worried that this girl is the best you're going to get. To quote Madonna's song Respect Yourself - "Second best is never enough, you'll do much better baby on your own!" This is good advice. There is someone for everyone. Hold out for her, whoever and whenever she turns out to be and don't go with someone who you're not completely comfortable with.

I am having sex with my cousin

Anonymous says:
Me and my cousin were like siblings - we grew up together and did the most amazing things. I am 17 he is 20 - we have so many things in common - we are both athletic, he works at gym we do gym together but a week ago we started having sex after a conversation about the girls he dated and sexual staff. He is my first - I was virgin and I must say that I love this! I am in love with him but its so wrong - I mean its my own blood! I feel shame but I can't say no to him - he is gorgeous and I am mad for him..our family have learned about it and are shocked but that doesn't stop us and I feel terrible.. 

In most places cousins having a sexual relationship is not illegal and its certainly not unusual. You are not genetically close enough to be categorized as incestuous. There is a slight elevated risk of deformity to any children however - that may be something you wish to discuss with each other.

Regarding the relationship itself, if it's working for you, I see nothing wrong. Carry on loving each other whatever anyone else thinks or says - it's THEIR problem.

My boyfriend called me a slut to his cousin

Emma says:
Me and my boyfriend took a break for a day and went to see his cousin he goes to his cousin for problems. In conversation with his cousin he said "dont botther with Emma,shes a total slut."

I'm not mad, just hurt. We are still together. He told me what he said yesterday because i asked why his cousin was asking so many questions about my past and I wasn't answering.
Is this his bad? He was mad at the time. Should I be upset or am I being a drama queen?

I don't think this is a respectful way to treat a lady, and I don't think you need to accept it. This is also about self-respect - you deserve to be affirmed and praised by your boyfriend, not put down.

I advise you therefore not to accept it, and if he won't treat you with respect, find someone who will. 

My boyfriend has a wetting problem

Tiffany says:
Me and my boyfriend are 17. I recently learned that he used to have some wetting issues from his mother. She told me that he use to wet the bed occasionally until he is 14 and he use to wear diaper for bed but he doesnt do that anymore.She was laughing and enjoying herself and I thought that was funny too but my bf just went red and left the room.

His mom just kept telling us how he use to keep havin no #2 accidents at day too. Anyway after couple of days we were walking outside the town and we stopped at a hill to sit and enjoy the was going really well we were talking and kissing and laughing. I started to tickle him (because he is very tickleish lol) and he was like no! no! Im gonna pee myself!

I thought he was joking and kept on going until i saw a tiny spot on his ligh blue jeans i stopped in shock.then he started yelling at me normally he is a total gent alman.he said that i almost made him pee himself and he doesnt want to go back to old etc.etc eventhough I told him thats its ok I'm not judging him because of his little accident, but now he won't listen to me and we havent talked since! I feel really guilty, please help

This is a surprisingly common problem. Its proper name is Enuresis. Often sufferers are quite normal in every other way. Enuresis can be treated by Hypnotherapy (so I've seen a few clients with this problem) and other therapies. It is of course a profoundly upsetting and embarrassing problem to have.

There's not a lot you can do if he is refusing to talk to you. Hopefully he will come round if you persist. The problem can usually be worked around in relationships by adopting some do's and dont's. You can also give him my contact details if he needs some free advice.

By discussing the problem openly together and learning from him how to manage it together, his need not be the end of the relationship but he has to see it that way as well. 

Thursday, 26 June 2014

I got dumped after just two weeks! Was I too sexual?

Raynan says:
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think? 

One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.

When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.

When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere. 

I can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do...?

Damian says:
There's this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her. She liked me and we texted for a while. She wanted to go on dates with me but I ignored her when I liked her, idk why. The last conversation we had, I stopped replying. We haven't talked in a few weeks but it's like I can't shake the thought of her. I'm thinking about her way too much, and I almost feel like she is too at that same moment. I feel like we had a connection. I don't know what to do it's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night, and when I think about her, I get this feeling in my gut like she's right there with me

Time for courage. Time to get in touch and tell her that the biggest mistake you ever made was ignoring her. Tell her you think she's utterly gorgeous and you'd love the chance to treat her like a princess. You might succeed, you might fail, but either is better than a lifetime wondering "what if"

Is it over?

Rahul says:
Me and my gf have been together for 1year now. We are in the same college. When the college was going on she used to hang out with me all the time and we used to have sex a lot. Like 3days a week which is a lot given that she had to travel 2 hrs to come to my home.

Now the thing is that her family is very reserved and doesn't allow her to talk to any boy or get into a relationship. And we r having vacations of 2 months after the 2nd semester. During these vacations everything has changed. I initially used to msg her but she asked me to stop because she has to hide this relationship from her family and she can't risk being caught. Moreover she has reduced calling me also because she says that her family members r around her all the time. She nowadays calls me like 1 time a day or some days doesn't call at all. This initially pissed me off because I wanted to talk to her and I love her a lot. I used to miss her like hell. But she insisted that she couldn't talk and that she would be able to talk when these vacations r over.

Even though I know that her family restrictions are a lot and she might actually not getting time, I feel that she shouldn't have entered into a relationship if she knew she wouldn't be able to give time to it. I have a female friend who has been there for me to comfort me more often than my own gf.

Has my girlfriend stopped loving me as much as she used to before? Has someone else entered her life? Should I break up? 
Your third paragraph is your own answer - and you are absolutely right. This relationship has run its course and it's time to end it. 

Should I get involved with my manager?

Jolene says:
My manager is like really nice, and he keeps groping my *** at work, is constantly texting me and keeps asking me to go out with him... Should I? Is it wrong cause he's my manager should we not break them boundaries, I don't know what to do... I've not long started the job about a month or so ago, I work in a wine bar I'm 20 years old and he's 27

The reality is no matter how "unprofessional" it's supposed to be, relationships do happen and people do hook up at work. The trouble is the stakes are very high. At best, it could be a wonderful romance, but at worst one or both of you will lose your job, and there is potential for jealousy and resentment amongst work colleagues.

The first thing to check out is whether this guy is definitely single and what kinda baggage from the past he's got. If he seems straight-up then follow your heart and be prepared to accept the worst-case scenario if it goes wrong. I don't believe in the safest option, but don't be naive either. 

Will this pic of me turn him on?

Susan says:
My bf is away for 5 mths and i'll like to send him something that he can "use". Yet, i want to keep things subtle n i don't want it to circulate online and so I've cut my face out.
Will this work? Do you think it is arousing enough? Is it good enough for him to w*ank to?

Wouldn't it be a better idea if you asked HIM want kinda picture would turn him on? You see everyone has their own personal "taste". If you want your relationship to last you need to talk about what turns each other on - openly and frankly! The idea is great and couples forced apart do this all the time, but it's with each other you need to be discussing it! 

I'm scared my mum is going to run off!

Emily says:

I know I know, she is a grown women and can make her OWN decisions & because she is MARRIED - but I can still be scared.

My mum has this online relationship with a guy younger then her. He is a beachy/surfy chill guy who "lives his life" with no rules appearently.

I recently found out they have seen each other and spent a whole WEEK together. We went to a place to help me with my depression, but the whole week she spent cheating on my dad!! And it's not private there are pictures everywhere on the internet of them to!

She says she just wants to 'run away' and to go to Italy and do surfing and live someone else and it's sounding like she really just wants to leave :( I'm scared I don't want my mum to leave but then again I do want her to be happy. What can I do to calm these thoughts :( I can't just get away from it! She is always texting him more then talking to our family. I am so worried :( 

I'm very sorry that you are in this position - if only mum loved Dad, dad loved mum and they both loved you. Unfortunately not all of us are in that situation. The bottom line seems to be that she cares for you, but if it comes down to it, she's going to put her own happiness first.

There is nothing you can do about it. Worrying won't make an ounce of difference to her choice - it will only make you more ill. At this point, all you can do is live one day at a time, and face up to the challenges of that particular day. Accept the fact that the future is completely uncertain and beyond your control.

What will certainly help is for you to think about your own future and what you want to achieve with your own life. Your current life is sadly crumbling underneath you and you need to start building a future one now. Good luck. 

Does this boy like me?

Tahira says:
I have been liking this boy for ages now and we have been flirting - he calls me babe but I don't know if he means it. I have dated a lot of guys and he says "I would of dated you if you hadn't had a past like that" but what does that mean? Does it mean he likes me?

The most worrying thing is the statement "I would of dated you if you havent had a past like that" do YOU really want to date someone with that kind of attitude? When you find the right person, their past does not matter - unless they have a history of abuse. Don't date someone who looks down on you. You want someone to love you as you are. 

Thursday, 19 June 2014

My husband has treated me very badly

Laura says:
My significant other dumped me about 2 wks and treated me terribly. He badmouthed me at work and to neighbors and did everything he could to make me jealous. Also said he no longer wanted anything else to do with with me and how happy he was without me Also refused to watch our 3 yr old because he claimed I was using him to make us get back together. Basically he did this all on a whim which left me without adequate time to get childcare so I had to miss work. 

Well I found out that while separated he has been giving his female coworkers rides to work and also ended up giving some girl 500 dollars. I found this out because he is now trying to reconcile saying that he will NOW work with me on the childcare issue etc. The thing that burns me up is that he took some other girl to work and refused to watch our son, so therefore I had to take the day off.
Clearly not all men are the same but generally speaking why would a man do something like this? He is now trying to save face and begging me not tell anyone how this woman tricked him out of 500 dollars. I told him that he is deceptive and cannot be trusted. Although I have not been perfect I have NEVER used him for money.

Also why the change of heart now?
Update : I know that we are separated and NOT together therefore he has not obligation to me, BUT why treat me like CRAP and then turn around and now try to help me. 

You're not imagining it - you HAVE been treated badly, and like a lot of men do he's trying to make out that it's all your fault - it isn't! To use an innocent child as a weapon is particularly unforgivable. I would not trust this man for a moment - he probably doesn't want the grief of a messy breakup, but he should of thought about that before.
You deserve better. I'm afraid that if you give in to the temptation to let this man back into your life you will only be sorry and delay the inevitable.

She will not tell me what the problem is!

Akash says
I'm loving a girl like my 2nd mother (wife is equal to 2nd mother)because I always trust on her lot.
but problem is from few days she is in some problem but i m asking her lots about that she is not telling anything, really i became so nervous!

 Can you tell me pls whether should continue my relationship with her not because still i m loving her... one more thing is she is not calling me and not msging me but whenever i ask her she will tell me that she was in problems i don't know anything but really i m fed up with this....what to pls tell me suggestions my dear friends

Time for an ultimatum. If your relationship is to have a future, you must know everything about each other, good and bad. If she does not trust you to be helpful and sympathetic, your relationship has no future. Point this out to her, and if she will still not share the problem, it's time to let her go. 

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

I'm having a really bad time at school

Aravind says:
I am an introvert, can't say no. I can't make 'good' friends. Those people often ditch me and find new friends, some don't even care to listen when i say something to them, I don't know why. I don't have true friend at school and the people in my neighborhood too are either too old or too young for my age.Today was one one the worst days of my school life. People don't care for me, but the biggest blow was that one of my 'few' friends, whom I chatted with , shared lunch and basically everything betrayed me. In the English period, he rubbed my homework and told the teacher that I did not do it. 

One 'bad' guy was with him, he too told the same, I could not convince the teacher and was punished. I it was just the bad guy, I could hold on, but knowing that one of my friends betrayed me haunted me this whole day. That day, all but for a few of my best of friend talked to me, the others just ignored me. I am very emotionally unbalanced, but held on till now. I feel like crying, I am very shy and so cant make good friends. The friend who betrayed me often copied on tests and did his homework in school, I have not complained, even if the baddest of the guys did the same, but he betrayed me,and that is unbearable. I am heartbroken , Please help me. 

School is not the best experience for a lot of people, and for some it can be hell.

The first question you must ask is - do you wish to survive this? If you do then you must begin by telling yourself that you are determined to get through it.

To survive it you must break down your experience into chunks and get through one minute at a time, and instead of thinking about it all at once, deal with one problem at a time. Every bad experience is a lesson from which you can learn. Learn the lesson well and put it to use.

For example, how was that person able to access your homework and delete it? You must now take steps to ensure that no one can access your work, and if you can have a stored digital backup. Next, now you know that this friend was never a friend in the first place. You have now learned this and that some people let you down. However they can only let you down ONCE. You will now never trust that person again. By experience we learn who our true friends are by what they do.

Next, you still have some friends left. These are really all you need. You do not need to be Mr Popular, just a few people you can get on with at some point in your day. Grow these friendships by kindness, generosity and taking a genuine interest in them, which means lots of listening.

Do these things and life will be at least bearable. Do not let others know how unhappy you are as pupils at school are cruel and ruthless, and are happy to put you down to make themselves feel great. Wear a grin as often as possible. And finally, learn how to defend yourself and be fully prepared to be hurt in a fight rather than let yourself be bullied.

You can and will get through this. If I made it, so can you. 

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

What should I do about my Grandparents?

Eva says:
I have always argued a lot with my grandmother, we just don't get along, but it's never been anything serious. I love my granddad like I would love a father - I don't have one, because he disappeared 12 years ago, so I kind of consider my grandfather as a dad.

The problem is, recently the most important exams in my life have started. My grandmom has been very unsupportive, always telling me how I have already failed, that I don't study at all and such things that are NOT true. I did my best and have amazing results on every single of my tests. I have only 1 left. She never apologiesed for being so rude and never congratulated me on the success I have. 

My grandfather, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can have a serious relationship and I'm almost 20 years old, so it's perfectly normal. The man I date is the son of his best friend and I can't see where the problem is. They always buy me expensive presents as if they're trying to win me, but they never ask whether I want/like them. I can't be more than 10 minutes around them without starting an argument. What can I do?

This is not going to end well. You need to exclude your grandmother from your life as she will blight your happiness, and insist on only seeing your grandfather on his own if at all. I have severed relations with my father, mother, sister and daughter, but I have no regrets because these relationships were all dysfunctional and made me unhappy. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you owe them anything.

In your personal life, only maintain those relationships that build you up and you can make a difference to. Ruthlessly exclude all those who make you unhappy. You will not regret it. 

I resent her father coming to the party!

Jessica says:
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.

How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of this party and I paid for everything myself. 

I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that would make my wife unhappy and resentful.

Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about. 

I caught my husband online with his ex

Trinity says:
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc. 

But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?

Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.

They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect..... 

You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.

It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.

It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.

I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage!

JustCurious says:
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children. 

Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm. 

Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel. 

There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc. 

Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice? 

Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.

One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?

I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.

I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.

Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Why would this man say no to me?

Felicity says
Here is the story:
this girl is in love with this man but the man is in love with another woman who does not love him back! 

So I am that girl and this guy after some months of chatting online told me that he does not want to delude me and I have to stop being in love with him because he is in love with another woman even though the woman does not love him and he told me that we are in the same situation, both heart broken.

So I asked him to delete me from his friend list so I could forget about him more easily. This happened some days ago. but now I am thinking that he said no just because he did not want to take advantage of me and because he is a gentleman, but if the other girl does not love him, why would not he want to be with me? is it possible that he will get back to me someday? Or am I just deluding myself? 

However good you might be for someone, you cannot make them love you. It takes two, and there's clearly only one on board here. Love doesn't obey tidy rules about who is good for who. If you persisted and if he got lonely enough, you might wear him down and he might go with you, but you would then be his comfort girl, not a true lover. It would only end badly.

I know what it's like when you have an overwhelming crush on someone - you will have them at any price, and hold on in desperate hope it will all work out. Nothing is certain but the odds are you're in for heartbreak.

Is this true love?

Dan says
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!

I'm so happy for you! And if it aint broke don't fix it. I really wouldn't concern yourself over this question. If it's love, you'll know soon enough. A good sign will be the next time you don't know where she is and you can't contact her. If you're beside yourself with worry and all kinds of unpleasant scenarios rush through your head - and you're desperately relieved to find out she's ok - then you're probably in love with her.

My girlfriend texts too much

Adrian says
I've been spending some time with this girl the last month or so. Last week she gave me her number. And now she texts me every day. I don't mind the occasional message or two. But I'm really not that into this texting thing. I also fear it will lead to us not having anything to talk about when we see each other in person.

How do I tell her I don't really like doing it without making her feel bad/chasing her away? 
There is a fundamental difference between the male and female attitude to communicating. For men the purpose is to exchange relevant information. For women, the purpose is to maintain and affirm a connection. No surprise then most men think that their women talk/text too much!
I really would not attempt to stop her texting. When you are together, simply do the majority of the listening and nod and smile a lot - it works for most of us! But keep your ear out for something new and relevant between the standard fare. She will prompt you with questions when she wants you to speak! If she gets concerned about your not saying a lot, explain that nothing's wrong - men just work on an essential information basis.

Don't forget though to tell her how glad you are she's in your life - she needs to hear it daily.

Our sex life is difficult

Ryan says
When I first had sex with my girlfriend it was her first time - we had anal sex. She was in great pain when I first put it in. I'm not sure now whether she wanted it too or I pressured her. She wasn't very comfortable with me trying to put my dick in. Somehow a red patch of blood appeared and we assumed it was the hymen and we checked her vagina. I could put two fingers in and she just froze there for about an hour and then she started crying uncontrollably and kept saying' "I have lost my virginity! I'm no longer a virgin!" she was distraught. 

After that, we had vaginal sex. Sometimes, she would tear during sex and whenever she had sex with me she would just gaze into my eyes but wouldn't get aroused or anything like that. And suddenly she would just throw me a hug and tell me ' I love you please don't ever leave me'. On another occasion she had her period but I didn't care and still wanted it. She didn't want to but she allowed it. On another occasion, we had sex but she didn't look in the mood and I ticked her off. Whenever we had sex, prior to that, we never had any discussion. 

Good news is from what I can gather is that your seem to want to be together and care about each other so that's something to build on. But you've both got a lot to learn about sex and communication.
She desperately wants to please you and is trying way too hard. You need to reassure her that you are not going to leave her just because she's not in the mood occasionally, and you must show that by not pushing for it even when you're horny. Insist that you only want sex if she does. A good discreet fap on a regular basis will help you be more sensitive to her and stop your libido getting in the way.

She will need lots of cuddles and hugs that don't need to lead to sex to reassure her. Also learn to give her massages - again without leading to sex. This is a very good way of finding out how she likes to be touched and what she doesn't like. Then, when you do have sex, you will do will be able to make her feel good. Sex will be much better if she's highly aroused rather than just desperate to keep you.

It's great that you've started discussing things. Keep doing that and your relationship will grow stronger.

A friend has cut me off

Justin says
I recently confronted a friend of mine who I have known for almost two years. I asked her why she has been acting cold towards me recently. The response that I got was that she had moved in with her BF of less than 4 months and that she could not afford to have anyone drive a wedge between them - her words not mine. 

Bear in mind that I live 300 miles away so its not like I could actually get in between them and that's not something I would do anyway. To me it sounds like she is going all gold digger and if that's the case then I wish her luck. But my question is would someone actually push someone away for any other reason? Just figured I would ask. 

Either possibility may apply. She may be genuinely concerned to show that she is with him or she may no longer be interested in you because you've nothing to offer. It depends on her particular character. I suspect you are hurt by this rejection regardless of her motives. But in the words of an old Rock legend called Phil Lynott - "If that chick don't wanna know forget her"

When someone closes a door on your relationship - for whatever reason - just accept it and move on, without concerning yourself too much about the contents of the other person's head. Just hang with those who like being with you. I practise what I preach. A casual friend has recently started ignoring me at my Saturday job, and even though our relationship was very casual, it kinda hurt. But it wasn't worth my mental energy to get to the bottom of it. I just accepted it and got on with it. I have plenty of other fish to fry.

I fancy my tattoo artist

Sue says
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.

I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!

The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.

So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?