Alexander says:
I'm thinking of telling my crush of 4 years how I feel about her and it
will be certain rejection and I don't really like looking sad in front
of her because she will try to cheer me up by making me laugh and stuff
but I don't want her to do that because what if I cry or something? How
can I not look sad or even cry? (Yeah I'm sensitive guy, but only when
it comes to her).
This is a very common dilemma - you don't want to ruin a great
friendship by telling her how you feel. But you are living a lie! It
ISN'T a great friendship at all, just torture for you having what you
can't have right in your face. This cannot go on. Tell her how you feel,
and if what you expect happens, move on to other friendships and other
relationships. That will be much better than what you're doing now.
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 July 2014
Thursday, 19 June 2014
I'm having a really bad time at school
Aravind says:
I am an introvert, can't say no. I can't make 'good' friends. Those people often ditch me and find new friends, some don't even care to listen when i say something to them, I don't know why. I don't have true friend at school and the people in my neighborhood too are either too old or too young for my age.Today was one one the worst days of my school life. People don't care for me, but the biggest blow was that one of my 'few' friends, whom I chatted with , shared lunch and basically everything betrayed me. In the English period, he rubbed my homework and told the teacher that I did not do it.
One 'bad' guy was with him, he too told the same, I could not convince the teacher and was punished. I it was just the bad guy, I could hold on, but knowing that one of my friends betrayed me haunted me this whole day. That day, all but for a few of my best of friend talked to me, the others just ignored me. I am very emotionally unbalanced, but held on till now. I feel like crying, I am very shy and so cant make good friends. The friend who betrayed me often copied on tests and did his homework in school, I have not complained, even if the baddest of the guys did the same, but he betrayed me,and that is unbearable. I am heartbroken , Please help me.
School is not the best experience for a lot of people, and for some it can be hell.
The first question you must ask is - do you wish to survive this? If you do then you must begin by telling yourself that you are determined to get through it.
To survive it you must break down your experience into chunks and get through one minute at a time, and instead of thinking about it all at once, deal with one problem at a time. Every bad experience is a lesson from which you can learn. Learn the lesson well and put it to use.
For example, how was that person able to access your homework and delete it? You must now take steps to ensure that no one can access your work, and if you can have a stored digital backup. Next, now you know that this friend was never a friend in the first place. You have now learned this and that some people let you down. However they can only let you down ONCE. You will now never trust that person again. By experience we learn who our true friends are by what they do.
Next, you still have some friends left. These are really all you need. You do not need to be Mr Popular, just a few people you can get on with at some point in your day. Grow these friendships by kindness, generosity and taking a genuine interest in them, which means lots of listening.
Do these things and life will be at least bearable. Do not let others know how unhappy you are as pupils at school are cruel and ruthless, and are happy to put you down to make themselves feel great. Wear a grin as often as possible. And finally, learn how to defend yourself and be fully prepared to be hurt in a fight rather than let yourself be bullied.
You can and will get through this. If I made it, so can you.
I am an introvert, can't say no. I can't make 'good' friends. Those people often ditch me and find new friends, some don't even care to listen when i say something to them, I don't know why. I don't have true friend at school and the people in my neighborhood too are either too old or too young for my age.Today was one one the worst days of my school life. People don't care for me, but the biggest blow was that one of my 'few' friends, whom I chatted with , shared lunch and basically everything betrayed me. In the English period, he rubbed my homework and told the teacher that I did not do it.
One 'bad' guy was with him, he too told the same, I could not convince the teacher and was punished. I it was just the bad guy, I could hold on, but knowing that one of my friends betrayed me haunted me this whole day. That day, all but for a few of my best of friend talked to me, the others just ignored me. I am very emotionally unbalanced, but held on till now. I feel like crying, I am very shy and so cant make good friends. The friend who betrayed me often copied on tests and did his homework in school, I have not complained, even if the baddest of the guys did the same, but he betrayed me,and that is unbearable. I am heartbroken , Please help me.
School is not the best experience for a lot of people, and for some it can be hell.
The first question you must ask is - do you wish to survive this? If you do then you must begin by telling yourself that you are determined to get through it.
To survive it you must break down your experience into chunks and get through one minute at a time, and instead of thinking about it all at once, deal with one problem at a time. Every bad experience is a lesson from which you can learn. Learn the lesson well and put it to use.
For example, how was that person able to access your homework and delete it? You must now take steps to ensure that no one can access your work, and if you can have a stored digital backup. Next, now you know that this friend was never a friend in the first place. You have now learned this and that some people let you down. However they can only let you down ONCE. You will now never trust that person again. By experience we learn who our true friends are by what they do.
Next, you still have some friends left. These are really all you need. You do not need to be Mr Popular, just a few people you can get on with at some point in your day. Grow these friendships by kindness, generosity and taking a genuine interest in them, which means lots of listening.
Do these things and life will be at least bearable. Do not let others know how unhappy you are as pupils at school are cruel and ruthless, and are happy to put you down to make themselves feel great. Wear a grin as often as possible. And finally, learn how to defend yourself and be fully prepared to be hurt in a fight rather than let yourself be bullied.
You can and will get through this. If I made it, so can you.
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
What should I do about my Grandparents?
Eva says:
I have always argued a lot with my grandmother, we just don't get along, but it's never been anything serious. I love my granddad like I would love a father - I don't have one, because he disappeared 12 years ago, so I kind of consider my grandfather as a dad.
The problem is, recently the most important exams in my life have started. My grandmom has been very unsupportive, always telling me how I have already failed, that I don't study at all and such things that are NOT true. I did my best and have amazing results on every single of my tests. I have only 1 left. She never apologiesed for being so rude and never congratulated me on the success I have.
My grandfather, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can have a serious relationship and I'm almost 20 years old, so it's perfectly normal. The man I date is the son of his best friend and I can't see where the problem is. They always buy me expensive presents as if they're trying to win me, but they never ask whether I want/like them. I can't be more than 10 minutes around them without starting an argument. What can I do?
This is not going to end well. You need to exclude your grandmother from your life as she will blight your happiness, and insist on only seeing your grandfather on his own if at all. I have severed relations with my father, mother, sister and daughter, but I have no regrets because these relationships were all dysfunctional and made me unhappy. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you owe them anything.
In your personal life, only maintain those relationships that build you up and you can make a difference to. Ruthlessly exclude all those who make you unhappy. You will not regret it.
I have always argued a lot with my grandmother, we just don't get along, but it's never been anything serious. I love my granddad like I would love a father - I don't have one, because he disappeared 12 years ago, so I kind of consider my grandfather as a dad.
The problem is, recently the most important exams in my life have started. My grandmom has been very unsupportive, always telling me how I have already failed, that I don't study at all and such things that are NOT true. I did my best and have amazing results on every single of my tests. I have only 1 left. She never apologiesed for being so rude and never congratulated me on the success I have.
My grandfather, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can have a serious relationship and I'm almost 20 years old, so it's perfectly normal. The man I date is the son of his best friend and I can't see where the problem is. They always buy me expensive presents as if they're trying to win me, but they never ask whether I want/like them. I can't be more than 10 minutes around them without starting an argument. What can I do?
This is not going to end well. You need to exclude your grandmother from your life as she will blight your happiness, and insist on only seeing your grandfather on his own if at all. I have severed relations with my father, mother, sister and daughter, but I have no regrets because these relationships were all dysfunctional and made me unhappy. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you owe them anything.
In your personal life, only maintain those relationships that build you up and you can make a difference to. Ruthlessly exclude all those who make you unhappy. You will not regret it.
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
Is this true love?
Dan says
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!
I'm so happy for you! And if it aint broke don't fix it. I really
wouldn't concern yourself over this question. If it's love, you'll know
soon enough. A good sign will be the next time you don't know where she
is and you can't contact her. If you're beside yourself with worry and
all kinds of unpleasant scenarios rush through your head - and you're
desperately relieved to find out she's ok - then you're probably in love
with her.
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!
I fancy my tattoo artist
Sue says
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship
John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important
Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
Friday, 30 May 2014
How do I ask this girl out?
Dude says
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
I'm still a virgin at 21!
Steven says:
I'm 21 and to be completely honest it just really doesn't work out - I've tried everything.. but for real is it a bad thing.. like do girls think of me as a lesser person because of it?
I'm 21 and to be completely honest it just really doesn't work out - I've tried everything.. but for real is it a bad thing.. like do girls think of me as a lesser person because of it?
I was a virgin until I was 23 so you're by no means alone - there are plenty of twentysomething virgins out there.
I can absolutely and categorically say that there is someone for everyone, and sooner or later you will meet her. Every girl, like every guy is a unique individual with a unique perspective. One gal would find a particular guy revolting while another would find the same guy fabulous.
You don't need to impress all womankind, just the one right for you.
I would seriously consider investing in a subscription to reputable dating website. It takes all the luck and guesswork out of the equation and will generally speed things up. My best friend found his wife through a dating agency.
Of course I've assumed here that you are after sexual romance. If you just want sex, you need to look for a different kind of website! "Escorts" in the long run are much cheaper than romances but not as emotionally fulfilling of course.
I can absolutely and categorically say that there is someone for everyone, and sooner or later you will meet her. Every girl, like every guy is a unique individual with a unique perspective. One gal would find a particular guy revolting while another would find the same guy fabulous.
You don't need to impress all womankind, just the one right for you.
I would seriously consider investing in a subscription to reputable dating website. It takes all the luck and guesswork out of the equation and will generally speed things up. My best friend found his wife through a dating agency.
Of course I've assumed here that you are after sexual romance. If you just want sex, you need to look for a different kind of website! "Escorts" in the long run are much cheaper than romances but not as emotionally fulfilling of course.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
He says we're friends but he made a pass at me!
Andrea says
I started working with this guy. He left his number in my locker and asked me to text him. So we've been texting every night since then. A few nights ago he told me that he JUST wanted to be friends. Then he asked me out on a date and tried holding my hand and kissing me.... But yet when I ask about our status he still remains with the "friends" thing.. I'm totally lost here. Should I just leave him alone for good?
I'm sorry to tell you this but one of the most popular "Guy Lies" out there is "I just want to be friends" This usually means "I understand you don't want to f*** me now but I'd like to hang around with you and try to change your mind". He has spoken with his actions, and the kindest thing for you and him is to cut this guy loose permanently. You don't have to explain.
I started working with this guy. He left his number in my locker and asked me to text him. So we've been texting every night since then. A few nights ago he told me that he JUST wanted to be friends. Then he asked me out on a date and tried holding my hand and kissing me.... But yet when I ask about our status he still remains with the "friends" thing.. I'm totally lost here. Should I just leave him alone for good?
I'm sorry to tell you this but one of the most popular "Guy Lies" out there is "I just want to be friends" This usually means "I understand you don't want to f*** me now but I'd like to hang around with you and try to change your mind". He has spoken with his actions, and the kindest thing for you and him is to cut this guy loose permanently. You don't have to explain.
I'm really shy!
Shannon says
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I need help splitting up with someone I care about
SueFitz77 says
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
Monday, 26 May 2014
Is it too soon to ask this guy to hang out again?
Hailey says:
So me and this guy have been friends at school for a while now (high school) and I have the BIGGEST crush on him and he's a drummer and plays guitar and a whole bunch of instruments so I asked him if he wanted to go to the EMP (it's a huge music place where you can play their instruments and stuff) with me and two other of our friends. He said for sure and we went on Saturday.
I don't want to type the full details but he was flirting a LOT and tried to teach me stuff and kept looking at me. So when we dropped him back off at his house he thanked us for taking him and said how much fun he had. That night he texted me again and said how awesome it was and I said we should totally hang out this summer (which starts in 2 weeks) and he said "no doubt!!" Well it's only been 2 days since then but I really just want to hang out with him alone.. Our houses are walking distance apart and I don't know if it's too early to ask to hang out again?? Am I being too desperate?? PLEASE HELP
Having the hots for someone doesn't make you desperate. Desperate is when anyone will do. Clearly that's not you. Make your move, and I hope it turns out to be a Summer you'll always remember!
So me and this guy have been friends at school for a while now (high school) and I have the BIGGEST crush on him and he's a drummer and plays guitar and a whole bunch of instruments so I asked him if he wanted to go to the EMP (it's a huge music place where you can play their instruments and stuff) with me and two other of our friends. He said for sure and we went on Saturday.
I don't want to type the full details but he was flirting a LOT and tried to teach me stuff and kept looking at me. So when we dropped him back off at his house he thanked us for taking him and said how much fun he had. That night he texted me again and said how awesome it was and I said we should totally hang out this summer (which starts in 2 weeks) and he said "no doubt!!" Well it's only been 2 days since then but I really just want to hang out with him alone.. Our houses are walking distance apart and I don't know if it's too early to ask to hang out again?? Am I being too desperate?? PLEASE HELP
Having the hots for someone doesn't make you desperate. Desperate is when anyone will do. Clearly that's not you. Make your move, and I hope it turns out to be a Summer you'll always remember!
Sunday, 25 May 2014
This guy confuses me
RainbowCloud28 says
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Should I leave my boyfriend now or wait?
Shel says:
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
Friday, 23 May 2014
Which guy do I choose?
Emily says:
There are a few guys that I like but can't decide what I should do.
Guy 1:
I have known him for a little over a year now and whenever I see him I get really excited. Like my heart is gonna explode but he doesn't seem to give me much attention.
Guy 2:
I met him about 6 months ago. I am pretty sure he likes me or is just friendly. He asks to hang out with me and play video games. (I am a real big gamer).
Guy 3:
I met him about 6 months ago and I know he likes me. He broke up with his previous girlfriend for me and tries pretty hard to make me happy.
Guy 4:
I met about 2 months ago through a friend. We were playing games online and he was added to the Skype call. A few weeks I met him in person. I know he likes me for one he told me and when we went out the other day he kissed me but now he isn't talking to me much, which might have to do with his best friend dying but everything is still confusing.
Any help would be great, thank you! :D
There is no formula! Logic doesn't come in to relationships. You just have to go with your heart. It will be the one you can least bear to be without. Having said that, be honest with yourself whether you really want to commit to anyone yet. The time may not be right. You are within your rights to "play the field" so long as you are honest and open about doing so.
There are a few guys that I like but can't decide what I should do.
Guy 1:
I have known him for a little over a year now and whenever I see him I get really excited. Like my heart is gonna explode but he doesn't seem to give me much attention.
Guy 2:
I met him about 6 months ago. I am pretty sure he likes me or is just friendly. He asks to hang out with me and play video games. (I am a real big gamer).
Guy 3:
I met him about 6 months ago and I know he likes me. He broke up with his previous girlfriend for me and tries pretty hard to make me happy.
Guy 4:
I met about 2 months ago through a friend. We were playing games online and he was added to the Skype call. A few weeks I met him in person. I know he likes me for one he told me and when we went out the other day he kissed me but now he isn't talking to me much, which might have to do with his best friend dying but everything is still confusing.
Any help would be great, thank you! :D
There is no formula! Logic doesn't come in to relationships. You just have to go with your heart. It will be the one you can least bear to be without. Having said that, be honest with yourself whether you really want to commit to anyone yet. The time may not be right. You are within your rights to "play the field" so long as you are honest and open about doing so.
He gave me Chlamydia TWICE
Anonymous says:
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Is he into me or not?
Olivia says:
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Am I pretty or ugly?
Neru says:
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
He's changed
Carissa says:
There's this guy that I've been really good friends with for a while and we recently started partying together, and like three weeks ago we were coming home from a party and I knew he wanted me because he had his hands all over me and I was laying on him but i didn't want to do anything because we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want it to be awkward between us. But last week Saturday we had a really intense make out session and we were completely sober and he walked me home after and it was really cute. But we went back to school on Monday and his face normally lights up when he sees me and he gives me a hug and all that but he didn't do that and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't even know what to do. I'm not sure if I like him and want a relationship but im certain I want my friend back and I don't know how to go about it. We're both 17 btw
Guys are usually not good at expressing their feelings so the initiative will have to come from you. You need the courage to ask him what's wrong and tell him you don't want to lose his friendship. Be brave and good luck.
There's this guy that I've been really good friends with for a while and we recently started partying together, and like three weeks ago we were coming home from a party and I knew he wanted me because he had his hands all over me and I was laying on him but i didn't want to do anything because we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want it to be awkward between us. But last week Saturday we had a really intense make out session and we were completely sober and he walked me home after and it was really cute. But we went back to school on Monday and his face normally lights up when he sees me and he gives me a hug and all that but he didn't do that and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't even know what to do. I'm not sure if I like him and want a relationship but im certain I want my friend back and I don't know how to go about it. We're both 17 btw
Guys are usually not good at expressing their feelings so the initiative will have to come from you. You need the courage to ask him what's wrong and tell him you don't want to lose his friendship. Be brave and good luck.
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