Is it over?

Rahul says:

Me and my gf have been together for 1year now. We are in the same college. When the college was going on she used to hang out with me all the time and we used to have sex a lot. Like 3days a week which is a lot given that she had to travel 2 hrs to come to my home.

Now the thing is that her family is very reserved and doesn't allow her to talk to any boy or get into a relationship. And we r having vacations of 2 months after the 2nd semester. During these vacations everything has changed. I initially used to msg her but she asked me to stop because she has to hide this relationship from her family and she can't risk being caught. Moreover she has reduced calling me also because she says that her family members r around her all the time. She nowadays calls me like 1 time a day or some days doesn't call at all. This initially pissed me off because I wanted to talk to her and I love her a lot. I used to miss her like hell. But she insisted that she couldn't talk and that she would be able to talk when these vacations r over.

Even though I know that her family restrictions are a lot and she might actually not getting time, I feel that she shouldn't have entered into a relationship if she knew she wouldn't be able to give time to it. I have a female friend who has been there for me to comfort me more often than my own gf.

Has my girlfriend stopped loving me as much as she used to before? Has someone else entered her life? Should I break up? 

 

Your third paragraph is your own answer - and you are absolutely right. This relationship has run its course and it's time to end it. 

 

 

Can I stop my Mother In Law hating me?

Amy says:
My fiance and I met in 2003 when we were teenagers, I was 17 and he was 19. We are now adults I am 28 and he is 30 so its been 11 years. My mother in law has never really liked me in fact she has always hated me. Partly cause my parents are lower class and recovering drug addicts.She has told me numerous times that because of who they are, or were, that she see's me as not good enough for her son. 

My father in law used to always kinda kept her in check. There were occasions when she offered to buy her son a house if he left me or would go long periods of time without speaking to him because he refused to break up with me. In 2010/11 we actually did break up for 10 months because of family pressure and it causing us strain. 

My fiance broke down without me and turned to drugs, I shut down socially and kinda just kept to myself and my family. We got back together cause we honestly we belong together. I got him to get clean which his mother knows. Anyway a few months after he got clean his father became sick and I got pregnant. 

We uprooted and moved back near his family to help them out cause his father had cancer and where we were we had no help or support with a child. I actually dropped out of college and he left a great job. I stayed with his dad during the day while everyone worked and helped out around the house as much as I could. My mother in law was starting to take out her frustration with the whole situation on us.

You gave been incredibly forgiving and tolerant with this truly ghastly woman, and big respect to you for making every effort to win her over. Unfortunately you have failed. If you were going to win her over, you would have done it already.

Unfortunately other people often carry a bucket load of issues that were there long before you ever came along. You are not responsible for any of these issues or another persons inability to be reasonable. In an ideal world, once your Father In Law has passed on, the ideal move would be to rid your marriage of this malign influence for good. However that requires your husband to agree.

At the very least, keep this woman at arm's length - you have wasted enough time already trying to win an approval that will never come.  

I just found out my mom isn't my real mom!

Anonymous says:
I just feel like I've been cheated. I'm 15 & my mom (or some random lady) just told me I'm adopted. She was a single mom so I always asked since I was a lil kid,"Where's dad?" But she just says,"I'll tell U when the times right :)" But Now I'm 15, & she tells me she not even my mom, WTF? She said, she was my mom's best friend is high school, but my mom left to another country when I was a baby.

It's weird, she still feels like my mom, but she's not, WTF? What a waste of time. I mean, she was never mean to me, she was actually my best friend, up until I was like 12, she's read me stories b4 I slept, but then I overcame my shyness & made friends my own age. She's sweet, but I want my real family. 

You are bound to be shocked, confused and upset by this bombshell. It will take some time for you to get your head around it. The person who looked after you may not be your biological mom but whether she's MOM is a decision made by YOU. Has she loved you? Has she always been there for you? Can you count on her when everything gets shitty? Do you care about her? If so, she deserves the title MOM. Give it a couple of weeks to take it all in then decide if you want to meet your biological mom. Contact other adopted kids and listen to their own experiences.

My mum doesn't like my boyfriend

Rathy says:
I mean she doesn't even know him well and she has never met him but my sister and my mum are saying that he's probably not even committed and that he is probably jut playing with me... Isn't it slightly unfair of them to say that when they haven't even met him and seen how lovely he is? and every time my mother gets angry at me, she always shouts at me by saying that when I'm older, I'll be having a lot of one night stands and basically labelling me as a S**T. I don't understand.
By the way, I come from India but i was practically raised in England and my mum has always told me that she's 'different' from other parents and that she would not mind if I had a boyfriend. But now that I do, she keeps judging me and its like the whole family has turned against me just because of the reason that I am seeing a guy who i really like. And now my mother is also saying that Im not allowed to go out to see him...but I like him and do you think it is okay for me to keep seeing him secretly? or is there a way to talk to my mum about this without her head literally blowing up with anger? :( Im sixteen by the way. 

Your mother clearly has issues from some kind of bad experience and is afraid for you. That said, you have the right to live your own life. If I was in your position I would secretly date the person until I was of age. Short of locking you up, I can't see her stopping you.

If you want to reason with your mother, try getting her head first - ask if she has had any bad experiences herself.

My 13 year old daughter wants to date

Tim Says:
My 13 year old daughter recently asked me if she was allowed to date. She said she wanted to date this 14 year old boy (Let's call him Thomas). She has known the boy for about 8 months. I've met him several times and he's a really nice boy. He's only dated one other girl and their relationship lasted 8 months. I don't worry about her having sex because she is FTM (some transgender thing) and she is very uncomfortable with her girl parts. So Im just wondering if I should allow it or not?

I don't see an issue. I've heard it said that parenting teens is like holding a wet bar of soap. Hold too tightly and you will crush the bar or it will shoot out of your hand. Hold too loosely and it will drop away. So hold the bar gently but surely. Let her do her thing, give her freedom to make choices, but step in if and when her wellbeing is threatened. Short of this, let her learn through her own mistakes and successes.

Possessive Mom

abcdefg says:
Well first things first i live with my mom and i help pay the bills..I would like to move out once i have a better job to support myself but i think my mom wants me to live with her for the rest of my life :( My sister mentioned that we should all live together to save money & i thought it was a great idea that way when i have my savings together i can move out & my mom wont be alone but my mom doesnt like that idea because she likes to have privacy(My sis has 2 kids) Idk what to do..What would you all do?? 

You have the right to live your own life. Your mother is NOT your responsibility, no matter what anyone says. Of course you can be concerned for her but the best way to help her is to be happy yourself, and if that means striking out on your own, then do so. If your mum loves you rather than is simply just clinging to you, she will let you go. Love never forces its own way. Live your life be free, whether mom likes that or not - it's YOUR life. 

How can I make my parents realize?

Jen says:
I'm struggling - i am me and yet not fully myself because my parents always said I should be this, that, whatever! I'mm sick of it because its not me! I'm trying to convince them that I might be this or that, but they are always all "no, no, no, bad idea"! I don't want what they want me to be! I want to be who I wanna be - I feel like I'm a prisoner! I've always felt like this since I was a little girl.
Now I'm starting to open myself more. I'm in my second year in college and coming home twice a year. Please help! 

Speaking as one who is estranged from his parents I know how you feel. Your not imagining it, your parents ARE being unreasonable. They should love you and support you from who you are and who you want to be. Unfortunately you cannot make your parents realize, you can only go on doing your thing and hope that one day your parents accept it. And if they never do, you still did the right thing. You must always be true to yourself. 

I'm not doing well in Highschool

Rainyday says:
Im a freshman in highschool and I'm not doing very well
Algebra 1 F
Computer science b
Environmental sciene b
Biology F
World history F
English A
My mom thinks im really smart but really I'm not, i try really hard and turn in extra credit . I didnt even want to go to the highschool i go to now. I got to a highschool for eingeering and science with all these smart kids, but im not smart. I really lovw drawing and english and wanted to go to a highschool for but my mom made me come here so i could be a nerosurgeon?" I dont know anything about the brain and im failing biology. This is the second report card marking period and my accumalative grades so far are all c's. So i guess ill try harder in the third to get b's. I wasnt that bad in the first period, i got a and b and one c. can i still get into a good college? Im not very bright but i dont want to disapoint my mom :( 

Mom could do with loving you as you are, not the person she wants you to be. Clearly your forte is the arts not the sciences and you were certainly born that way. Two things must happen. Firstly you must accept that you're not dumb, just a round peg in a square hole. You need to be places that foster your talents not your weaknesses. Secondly Mom is gonna have to accept it. Does she love you or her dream for you?

Accept it or not, you will only be happy in life if you do what's right for you, not what others want you to be. You will need courage, but the alternative is misery. Good luck. 

My parents sex life is grossing me out!

Jason says:
Hello, im a 17 year old boy and I live with my parents, I stay at my friends house sometimes to use the computer and it's really fun using the internet and hang out together. So we're very poor and when I say poor I mean below poverty, my parents had me at a young age (dad is 36 and mom is 33), I have 2 younger sisters and 2 young brothers. So my dad is a porter and his income is very low and my mom is a housewife and doesn't work, both of them are very protective and loving especially mom , she keeps on smiling even though our sitiuation is very bad and sometimes can't afford groceries, she skips meals everyday just to make sure we eat . So the problem is that our house is really tiny I mean we only have one very tiny bedroom that we (me and my siblings) share and a small living room, my parents sleep on a mattress on the floor in the living room. My parents keep on having sex everyday and they kiss and and cuddle and dad really care about her he keeps on telling her sweet things and kiss her and help her with whatever she's doing. It really bothers me when they have sex I know that dad comes back home late from work but sometimes I'm awake and I can hear everything, it's not that they do it quietly but they do it loudly and mom moans really loud, and our walls are very thin, my dad doesn't take mom out because he is busy and doesn't have enough money to have dinner outside and stuff but she is fine with it. And the most gross thing is that mom keeps on massaging dad's feet and back when he comes back home and it's really gross. And mom is pregnant too but they still do it. Please help I tried everything and I even slept at my friends house but nothing changed and they didnt notice at all. Any advice what shall I tell them? I mean I have 4 siblings and one on the way and we barely can eat shall tell them to stop having babies!!? 

My son would very much sympathize with you. His mum/my wife is very horny and she can't get enough. My son finds the whole thing absolutely disgusting!

You might want to try doing what he did and explain how you feel. We eventually struck a compromise - we now only make love on one particular evening per week and whenever we know he's out or deeply asleep. If you know it's only going to happen at certain times and they're not going to be all over each other in front of you, you still won't like it but you'll feel more in control.

You may not be able to strike as hard a bargain as my Son did, but hopefully they will at least be more discreet and give you a break. And definitely invest in an mp3 player and some earphones!

Is my Dad abnormal?

My dad is acting very strange.Everything he has to do for me, he'll always complain about it and it's nothing special just basic things.
There is another problem, whenever my mom gives me food, he will always come to see, but it's seriously without a reason. Then sometimes he will even cause a drama about just any thing.
There are some times when he will go to the bathroom a second before i am going to take a shower (i always do it at the same time and he will continue doing this for a week). 

Unfortunately you haven't given enough information for a definitive answer. You may just be being too sensitive and putting 2 and 2 together and getting five. On the other hand he may genuinely have some issues. It could be both! If your dad is frightening you or upsetting you, you must at least make that clear to your parents. Unfortunately not all parents react in the right way, but at least they will know how you feel. At the same time, you must also get to understand how your parents are feeling. When you all understand each other, life is easier, although never perfect harmony! From what you have said, your dad doesn't seem abnormal to me, just a typical grumpy dad! That said, if you don't feel safe at home, you will need to tell someone.