Thursday, 7 January 2016


As you may notice, I have not entered any new posts for some considerable time! I have been busy! For the foreseeable future, that continues to be the case.

HOWEVER below is a considerable wealth of wisdom to enjoy. In addition, if you have a problem you'd like me to help with, the opportunity remains! Drop me an e-mail and tell me if it's ok to post it here, anonymously or otherwise.  

Thursday, 10 July 2014

I got a non-comittal response!

Sarah says:
So yesterday I told the guy that I liked that I liked him because I wanted to know the answer already. But instead of things being more clear now, they're more blurry than ever! You see, he said he likes me but since we've never met he can't tell for sure (we met online). And that was it! So basically he didn't dump me but he also didn't take me???

I just want to know where I'm going with it but I don't wanna be too pushy because that would probably ruin all my chances. I don't know what else should I do... I really like him but he put me in an awful position. 

If you want to pursue this, push him for a face-to-face meetup in a public place. If he comes up with excuses why not, I would dump him at that point. As well as saying they like you, any prospective partner must show some intention to put money where mouth is, get off their butt and do something about it. You can't dance with someone who won't get off their chair.

My boyfriend has too many opportunities to cheat!

Tamara says:
My bf works with all women. He runs a dance studio. I was one of his students and we met this way and started a relationship. He instructs other women and women work for him. I am always insecure that he is around women. I am very attractive. Have a tight, fit body and he says I am the most beautiful, sexy and desirable woman he knows. 

But I always have a fear in my heart. Because he is charismatic and will have opportunities at every turn. I find this sometimes affects my relationship with him as I am jealous and I let him know when things bother me. I love him and we have the most incredible sex ever. 

But I do not know how to deal with this jealousy that I have. Is it rational? Irrational? He is a friendly guy too. What if someone puts the moves on him and he doesn't/can't refuse? How can I get over this without it ruining our relationship? Could anyone offer advice? Never been in this type of situation before. Oh, why couldn't he just be locked in a room working on computers all day, all by himself???

What you are feeling will find sympathy with women everywhere, and quite a few guys too! I have also had a few clients who came to me because their jealousy was destroying their relationship, so it's a very common issue.

The reality is that there are never any guarantees in even the best relationships. If your relationship is very good right now, my advice is always the same - trust absolutely until conclusively proven to be betrayed. Make his very clear to him - it's all or nothing. Pledge to him your absolute confidence in his professionalism and loyalty to you, but if he betrays that trust, it will never be given again.

Having drawn that line and made that open expression of absolute faith in him, instead of imagining him being tempted, imagine interesting things he's going to get when he comes home!

The key to dealing with your own jealousy is a combination of open acts of faith and keeping focus on happiness and gratitude. Worry is a prayer to the universe to give you your worst nightmare, and gratitude is a prayer for more good stuff please!

Shall I fight for this love?

Antwan says:
Just a month ago I got together with my girlfriend, and now we've split up. Only thing that we split up over was about the fact that she's still in high school, and I'm going off to college. I've been gone for a month on personal business to another city while she's back at home. I've done my best to talk to her everyday and keep in touch with her, but she said that wasn't enough. I gave her a set date of when I was coming home, and she was all set and ready for me to come back, as I was. 

However, that date had to be postponed till the week after, and she didn't want to wait that much longer. I told her and promised her I'd do whatever I could to come see her when I get back home. No matter how late the time, or what I had to do in order to come see her I was willing to do it, but she said she's not going for it. 

There's not a living ounce in me that wants to break up with her, especially over this reason in general. Someone please help me, should I still fight for my love, or keep my head up, and keep it moving? I don't wanna lose her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't care for most of my ex's, especially the way I care about her. 

I am reminded of my own wife's persistence at chasing me when I also proposed a breakup due to distance, although I didn't work so hard at discouraging her. She wore me down, she spent a lot of money traveling, we got married and we're still together!

However that doesn't mean your own persistence will pay off. It all depends on her feelings for you. I would be inclined to fight for this love until you are convinced it won't be returned. If you want to take a chance and force the issue, the offer to make is TELL ME YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AND I'LL STOP CHASING YOU. This however is an "Ace". Once you've played the ace, there's no way back!

Don't walk away until you've definitely lost, but if that happens, walk away for good.

I am 16 and confused!

Brian says:
I'm a 16 year old guy. I go to a private high school. It's summer. I lied to my friends and said my Xbox membership expired. That's how we communicate in the summer months. Play games together. Someone's their toxic, sometimes their friendly. I've considered leaving that school for personal reasons like lack of progression in academics and bullying. It's just not the right school I don't think. 

I've thought about online school. I went to a youth group today at a church. All alone. Very brave of me really. Tagged along with some other teenagers. Didn't get to talk as much as I would have liked to. More about the service than making friends unfortunately. Not sure if I'm gonna go back. It's every Wednesday and Saturday. 

The kids were mostly friendly, this girl I met seemed to like me. Which is really cool. I just wanted to try a new environment with all new people. I'm just lost in general. Thinking what if I left my school. Kept this youth group going. Got a job. Lots of uncertainty. I'm just not feeling a return to that place. I'm also in an experimental period. I wanting to use a new name,etc. 

You may be comforted to know that a common symptom of being 16 is having no idea what you're doing. You probably won't ever be ABSOLUTELY sure what you're doing, because most adults aren't!

You can start making it clearer though by thinking about what you really want. If you had the perfect life, how would it make you feel? Think also about what can make you feel that way now, what you're good at and what a perfect life would look like. Once you know where you want to go, you can start working towards it, and the decisions need to make now can be made with that purpose in mind.

And don't be put off if what you want seems impossible! Just want it REAL BAD. When you're focused on what you want, rather than what you don't, it comes nearer. If you shoot for the stars, at the very least you'll reach the moon! 

I'm worried about my bullied client

Elliot says:
Hi I'm 24 and a personal trainer, my client is 16. Yesterday me and a female collegue were training in the local park and my collegue stopped and said, "Elliott is that who I think it is?" I turned round and saw my poor client getting battered to a pulp by 4 girls. We ran and my collegue shoved them and was like, "You should be ashamed of yourselves!!" 

She was yelling for ages while I picked up my client and cleaned her face up with tissues and she just curled up against me giving me a hug. Normally I would've not hugged her back but under the circumstances I did and I rocked her back and forth and she said, "El it was so awful" I hugged her tighter and said, "Shh sweetheart everything's gonna be ok" so she'd calmed down and then my collegue came over absolutely furious with the other girls. 

We took her back home and explained to her mum what happened but I am so worried about her and I feel horrendous. What do I say next session to her? If they weren't girls I would've hit them because it's absolutely disgusting to hit someone for no reason. Oh and people filmed the fight and it's online what do I do?? 

I am assuming that you teach exercise and fitness. I have no doubt therefore that you will have contacts in self-defence, and I strongly recommend you refer her to one of these, particularly ones willing to do freebies in return for recommendations.

As sorry as you are for her, you are not her Guardian Angel, and she herself has to take responsibility for her own self-defence. In my experience, those who stop being afraid of taking a hit and are fully prepared to strike back stop getting bullied. It's her fight, and all you can do is point out where she can get a weapon.

I've been dumped by my best friend!

Megan says:
So when the person who knows you inside out turns their back on you, it feels like a stab through the heart. Right up until my best friend ­dumped , I’d have said we were as close as sisters.We knew each other so well, we could finish each other’s sentences and make each other laugh just by looking at one another in a certain way.Over the years, we had shared the most intimate events of our lives with each other.

We have been friends for 15 years since kindegarden and now we finished high school . She will be a doctor and I will continue architecture, but we planned to share a house together . But 2 weeks after high school she dumped me . She said I was acting different and she didnt want to continue our friendship. Now we have 6 weeks that we dont text, see or call each-other . She found a new friend and i see that she is ******* happy ! And i am the one who's suffering ALONE...:/
Do you think I may find good friends in university ? Will there be anyone just like me , alone with no friends?? 

The fact is that relationships that "go the distance" are in the minority - most have a birth and death. When a treasured relationship dies, you inevitably grieve over it and ask yourself lots of "what if..." questions. It's even harder when the other seems to bounce back almost immediately - though appearances can be deceptive.

It's time for you to let her go in your heart and move on. Treasure the good memories but make a new start. I have no doubt you'll find a kindred spirit at college, but don't be tempted to commit to people prematurely. Simply seek opportunities to strike up conversations about common interest and you will inevitably attract the like-minded.

Don't apportion blame and don't look back in anger. Get up from the "grave" and walk away. Life goes on.