Thursday 26 June 2014

I got dumped after just two weeks! Was I too sexual?

Raynan says:
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think? 

One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.

When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.

When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere. 

I can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do...?

Damian says:
There's this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her. She liked me and we texted for a while. She wanted to go on dates with me but I ignored her when I liked her, idk why. The last conversation we had, I stopped replying. We haven't talked in a few weeks but it's like I can't shake the thought of her. I'm thinking about her way too much, and I almost feel like she is too at that same moment. I feel like we had a connection. I don't know what to do it's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night, and when I think about her, I get this feeling in my gut like she's right there with me

Time for courage. Time to get in touch and tell her that the biggest mistake you ever made was ignoring her. Tell her you think she's utterly gorgeous and you'd love the chance to treat her like a princess. You might succeed, you might fail, but either is better than a lifetime wondering "what if"

Is it over?

Rahul says:
Me and my gf have been together for 1year now. We are in the same college. When the college was going on she used to hang out with me all the time and we used to have sex a lot. Like 3days a week which is a lot given that she had to travel 2 hrs to come to my home.

Now the thing is that her family is very reserved and doesn't allow her to talk to any boy or get into a relationship. And we r having vacations of 2 months after the 2nd semester. During these vacations everything has changed. I initially used to msg her but she asked me to stop because she has to hide this relationship from her family and she can't risk being caught. Moreover she has reduced calling me also because she says that her family members r around her all the time. She nowadays calls me like 1 time a day or some days doesn't call at all. This initially pissed me off because I wanted to talk to her and I love her a lot. I used to miss her like hell. But she insisted that she couldn't talk and that she would be able to talk when these vacations r over.

Even though I know that her family restrictions are a lot and she might actually not getting time, I feel that she shouldn't have entered into a relationship if she knew she wouldn't be able to give time to it. I have a female friend who has been there for me to comfort me more often than my own gf.

Has my girlfriend stopped loving me as much as she used to before? Has someone else entered her life? Should I break up? 
 
Your third paragraph is your own answer - and you are absolutely right. This relationship has run its course and it's time to end it. 
 
 

Should I get involved with my manager?

Jolene says:
My manager is like really nice, and he keeps groping my *** at work, is constantly texting me and keeps asking me to go out with him... Should I? Is it wrong cause he's my manager should we not break them boundaries, I don't know what to do... I've not long started the job about a month or so ago, I work in a wine bar I'm 20 years old and he's 27

The reality is no matter how "unprofessional" it's supposed to be, relationships do happen and people do hook up at work. The trouble is the stakes are very high. At best, it could be a wonderful romance, but at worst one or both of you will lose your job, and there is potential for jealousy and resentment amongst work colleagues.

The first thing to check out is whether this guy is definitely single and what kinda baggage from the past he's got. If he seems straight-up then follow your heart and be prepared to accept the worst-case scenario if it goes wrong. I don't believe in the safest option, but don't be naive either. 

Will this pic of me turn him on?

Susan says:
My bf is away for 5 mths and i'll like to send him something that he can "use". Yet, i want to keep things subtle n i don't want it to circulate online and so I've cut my face out.
Will this work? Do you think it is arousing enough? Is it good enough for him to w*ank to?

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=adkBqYNLltu4%2Fb9B5BC%2BJYh4l5k2TGxc#.U6vyL4kazCQ

Wouldn't it be a better idea if you asked HIM want kinda picture would turn him on? You see everyone has their own personal "taste". If you want your relationship to last you need to talk about what turns each other on - openly and frankly! The idea is great and couples forced apart do this all the time, but it's with each other you need to be discussing it! 

I'm scared my mum is going to run off!

Emily says:

I know I know, she is a grown women and can make her OWN decisions & because she is MARRIED - but I can still be scared.
 

My mum has this online relationship with a guy younger then her. He is a beachy/surfy chill guy who "lives his life" with no rules appearently.
 

I recently found out they have seen each other and spent a whole WEEK together. We went to a place to help me with my depression, but the whole week she spent cheating on my dad!! And it's not private there are pictures everywhere on the internet of them to!

She says she just wants to 'run away' and to go to Italy and do surfing and live someone else and it's sounding like she really just wants to leave :( I'm scared I don't want my mum to leave but then again I do want her to be happy. What can I do to calm these thoughts :( I can't just get away from it! She is always texting him more then talking to our family. I am so worried :( 


I'm very sorry that you are in this position - if only mum loved Dad, dad loved mum and they both loved you. Unfortunately not all of us are in that situation. The bottom line seems to be that she cares for you, but if it comes down to it, she's going to put her own happiness first.

There is nothing you can do about it. Worrying won't make an ounce of difference to her choice - it will only make you more ill. At this point, all you can do is live one day at a time, and face up to the challenges of that particular day. Accept the fact that the future is completely uncertain and beyond your control.

What will certainly help is for you to think about your own future and what you want to achieve with your own life. Your current life is sadly crumbling underneath you and you need to start building a future one now. Good luck. 

Does this boy like me?

Tahira says:
I have been liking this boy for ages now and we have been flirting - he calls me babe but I don't know if he means it. I have dated a lot of guys and he says "I would of dated you if you hadn't had a past like that" but what does that mean? Does it mean he likes me?

The most worrying thing is the statement "I would of dated you if you havent had a past like that" do YOU really want to date someone with that kind of attitude? When you find the right person, their past does not matter - unless they have a history of abuse. Don't date someone who looks down on you. You want someone to love you as you are. 

Thursday 19 June 2014

My husband has treated me very badly

Laura says:
My significant other dumped me about 2 wks and treated me terribly. He badmouthed me at work and to neighbors and did everything he could to make me jealous. Also said he no longer wanted anything else to do with with me and how happy he was without me Also refused to watch our 3 yr old because he claimed I was using him to make us get back together. Basically he did this all on a whim which left me without adequate time to get childcare so I had to miss work. 

Well I found out that while separated he has been giving his female coworkers rides to work and also ended up giving some girl 500 dollars. I found this out because he is now trying to reconcile saying that he will NOW work with me on the childcare issue etc. The thing that burns me up is that he took some other girl to work and refused to watch our son, so therefore I had to take the day off.
Clearly not all men are the same but generally speaking why would a man do something like this? He is now trying to save face and begging me not tell anyone how this woman tricked him out of 500 dollars. I told him that he is deceptive and cannot be trusted. Although I have not been perfect I have NEVER used him for money.

Also why the change of heart now?
Update : I know that we are separated and NOT together therefore he has not obligation to me, BUT why treat me like CRAP and then turn around and now try to help me. 


You're not imagining it - you HAVE been treated badly, and like a lot of men do he's trying to make out that it's all your fault - it isn't! To use an innocent child as a weapon is particularly unforgivable. I would not trust this man for a moment - he probably doesn't want the grief of a messy breakup, but he should of thought about that before.
You deserve better. I'm afraid that if you give in to the temptation to let this man back into your life you will only be sorry and delay the inevitable.

She will not tell me what the problem is!

Akash says
I'm loving a girl like my 2nd mother (wife is equal to 2nd mother)because I always trust on her lot.
but problem is from few days she is in some problem but i m asking her lots about that she is not telling anything, really i became so nervous!


 Can you tell me pls whether should continue my relationship with her not because still i m loving her... one more thing is she is not calling me and not msging me but whenever i ask her she will tell me that she was in problems i don't know anything but really i m fed up with this....what to pls tell me suggestions my dear friends

Time for an ultimatum. If your relationship is to have a future, you must know everything about each other, good and bad. If she does not trust you to be helpful and sympathetic, your relationship has no future. Point this out to her, and if she will still not share the problem, it's time to let her go. 

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

I'm having a really bad time at school

Aravind says:
I am an introvert, can't say no. I can't make 'good' friends. Those people often ditch me and find new friends, some don't even care to listen when i say something to them, I don't know why. I don't have true friend at school and the people in my neighborhood too are either too old or too young for my age.Today was one one the worst days of my school life. People don't care for me, but the biggest blow was that one of my 'few' friends, whom I chatted with , shared lunch and basically everything betrayed me. In the English period, he rubbed my homework and told the teacher that I did not do it. 

One 'bad' guy was with him, he too told the same, I could not convince the teacher and was punished. I it was just the bad guy, I could hold on, but knowing that one of my friends betrayed me haunted me this whole day. That day, all but for a few of my best of friend talked to me, the others just ignored me. I am very emotionally unbalanced, but held on till now. I feel like crying, I am very shy and so cant make good friends. The friend who betrayed me often copied on tests and did his homework in school, I have not complained, even if the baddest of the guys did the same, but he betrayed me,and that is unbearable. I am heartbroken , Please help me. 

School is not the best experience for a lot of people, and for some it can be hell.

The first question you must ask is - do you wish to survive this? If you do then you must begin by telling yourself that you are determined to get through it.

To survive it you must break down your experience into chunks and get through one minute at a time, and instead of thinking about it all at once, deal with one problem at a time. Every bad experience is a lesson from which you can learn. Learn the lesson well and put it to use.

For example, how was that person able to access your homework and delete it? You must now take steps to ensure that no one can access your work, and if you can have a stored digital backup. Next, now you know that this friend was never a friend in the first place. You have now learned this and that some people let you down. However they can only let you down ONCE. You will now never trust that person again. By experience we learn who our true friends are by what they do.

Next, you still have some friends left. These are really all you need. You do not need to be Mr Popular, just a few people you can get on with at some point in your day. Grow these friendships by kindness, generosity and taking a genuine interest in them, which means lots of listening.

Do these things and life will be at least bearable. Do not let others know how unhappy you are as pupils at school are cruel and ruthless, and are happy to put you down to make themselves feel great. Wear a grin as often as possible. And finally, learn how to defend yourself and be fully prepared to be hurt in a fight rather than let yourself be bullied.

You can and will get through this. If I made it, so can you. 

Tuesday 17 June 2014

What should I do about my Grandparents?

Eva says:
I have always argued a lot with my grandmother, we just don't get along, but it's never been anything serious. I love my granddad like I would love a father - I don't have one, because he disappeared 12 years ago, so I kind of consider my grandfather as a dad.
 

The problem is, recently the most important exams in my life have started. My grandmom has been very unsupportive, always telling me how I have already failed, that I don't study at all and such things that are NOT true. I did my best and have amazing results on every single of my tests. I have only 1 left. She never apologiesed for being so rude and never congratulated me on the success I have. 

My grandfather, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can have a serious relationship and I'm almost 20 years old, so it's perfectly normal. The man I date is the son of his best friend and I can't see where the problem is. They always buy me expensive presents as if they're trying to win me, but they never ask whether I want/like them. I can't be more than 10 minutes around them without starting an argument. What can I do?

This is not going to end well. You need to exclude your grandmother from your life as she will blight your happiness, and insist on only seeing your grandfather on his own if at all. I have severed relations with my father, mother, sister and daughter, but I have no regrets because these relationships were all dysfunctional and made me unhappy. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you owe them anything.

In your personal life, only maintain those relationships that build you up and you can make a difference to. Ruthlessly exclude all those who make you unhappy. You will not regret it. 

I resent her father coming to the party!

Jessica says:
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.
 

How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of this party and I paid for everything myself. 

I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that would make my wife unhappy and resentful.

Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about. 

I caught my husband online with his ex

Trinity says:
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc. 

But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?

Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.

They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect..... 


You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.

It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.

It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.

I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage!

JustCurious says:
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children. 

Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm. 

Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel. 

There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc. 

Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice? 


Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.

One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?

I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.

I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.

Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!

Tuesday 3 June 2014

Why would this man say no to me?

Felicity says
Here is the story:
this girl is in love with this man but the man is in love with another woman who does not love him back! 


So I am that girl and this guy after some months of chatting online told me that he does not want to delude me and I have to stop being in love with him because he is in love with another woman even though the woman does not love him and he told me that we are in the same situation, both heart broken.


So I asked him to delete me from his friend list so I could forget about him more easily. This happened some days ago. but now I am thinking that he said no just because he did not want to take advantage of me and because he is a gentleman, but if the other girl does not love him, why would not he want to be with me? is it possible that he will get back to me someday? Or am I just deluding myself? 

However good you might be for someone, you cannot make them love you. It takes two, and there's clearly only one on board here. Love doesn't obey tidy rules about who is good for who. If you persisted and if he got lonely enough, you might wear him down and he might go with you, but you would then be his comfort girl, not a true lover. It would only end badly.

I know what it's like when you have an overwhelming crush on someone - you will have them at any price, and hold on in desperate hope it will all work out. Nothing is certain but the odds are you're in for heartbreak.

Is this true love?

Dan says
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!

I'm so happy for you! And if it aint broke don't fix it. I really wouldn't concern yourself over this question. If it's love, you'll know soon enough. A good sign will be the next time you don't know where she is and you can't contact her. If you're beside yourself with worry and all kinds of unpleasant scenarios rush through your head - and you're desperately relieved to find out she's ok - then you're probably in love with her.

My girlfriend texts too much

Adrian says
I've been spending some time with this girl the last month or so. Last week she gave me her number. And now she texts me every day. I don't mind the occasional message or two. But I'm really not that into this texting thing. I also fear it will lead to us not having anything to talk about when we see each other in person.

How do I tell her I don't really like doing it without making her feel bad/chasing her away? 
 
There is a fundamental difference between the male and female attitude to communicating. For men the purpose is to exchange relevant information. For women, the purpose is to maintain and affirm a connection. No surprise then most men think that their women talk/text too much!
I really would not attempt to stop her texting. When you are together, simply do the majority of the listening and nod and smile a lot - it works for most of us! But keep your ear out for something new and relevant between the standard fare. She will prompt you with questions when she wants you to speak! If she gets concerned about your not saying a lot, explain that nothing's wrong - men just work on an essential information basis.

Don't forget though to tell her how glad you are she's in your life - she needs to hear it daily.

Our sex life is difficult

Ryan says
When I first had sex with my girlfriend it was her first time - we had anal sex. She was in great pain when I first put it in. I'm not sure now whether she wanted it too or I pressured her. She wasn't very comfortable with me trying to put my dick in. Somehow a red patch of blood appeared and we assumed it was the hymen and we checked her vagina. I could put two fingers in and she just froze there for about an hour and then she started crying uncontrollably and kept saying' "I have lost my virginity! I'm no longer a virgin!" she was distraught. 

After that, we had vaginal sex. Sometimes, she would tear during sex and whenever she had sex with me she would just gaze into my eyes but wouldn't get aroused or anything like that. And suddenly she would just throw me a hug and tell me ' I love you please don't ever leave me'. On another occasion she had her period but I didn't care and still wanted it. She didn't want to but she allowed it. On another occasion, we had sex but she didn't look in the mood and I ticked her off. Whenever we had sex, prior to that, we never had any discussion. 

Good news is from what I can gather is that your seem to want to be together and care about each other so that's something to build on. But you've both got a lot to learn about sex and communication.
She desperately wants to please you and is trying way too hard. You need to reassure her that you are not going to leave her just because she's not in the mood occasionally, and you must show that by not pushing for it even when you're horny. Insist that you only want sex if she does. A good discreet fap on a regular basis will help you be more sensitive to her and stop your libido getting in the way.

She will need lots of cuddles and hugs that don't need to lead to sex to reassure her. Also learn to give her massages - again without leading to sex. This is a very good way of finding out how she likes to be touched and what she doesn't like. Then, when you do have sex, you will do will be able to make her feel good. Sex will be much better if she's highly aroused rather than just desperate to keep you.

It's great that you've started discussing things. Keep doing that and your relationship will grow stronger.

A friend has cut me off

Justin says
I recently confronted a friend of mine who I have known for almost two years. I asked her why she has been acting cold towards me recently. The response that I got was that she had moved in with her BF of less than 4 months and that she could not afford to have anyone drive a wedge between them - her words not mine. 

Bear in mind that I live 300 miles away so its not like I could actually get in between them and that's not something I would do anyway. To me it sounds like she is going all gold digger and if that's the case then I wish her luck. But my question is would someone actually push someone away for any other reason? Just figured I would ask. 


Either possibility may apply. She may be genuinely concerned to show that she is with him or she may no longer be interested in you because you've nothing to offer. It depends on her particular character. I suspect you are hurt by this rejection regardless of her motives. But in the words of an old Rock legend called Phil Lynott - "If that chick don't wanna know forget her"

When someone closes a door on your relationship - for whatever reason - just accept it and move on, without concerning yourself too much about the contents of the other person's head. Just hang with those who like being with you. I practise what I preach. A casual friend has recently started ignoring me at my Saturday job, and even though our relationship was very casual, it kinda hurt. But it wasn't worth my mental energy to get to the bottom of it. I just accepted it and got on with it. I have plenty of other fish to fry.

I fancy my tattoo artist

Sue says
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
 

I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!

The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.

So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice? 

Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship

John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.

I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this? 

You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.

She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.

For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.

I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important

Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop  the idea of telling it to him. 

Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years. 


The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.

If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.  

I am not getting on with my sister

Penny says
Me and my twin hate each other! We're both 16 but nobody listens to me! When my sister has a problem she starts fights with me. My guardian told us to behave and stop arguments but my sister kept hitting me and winding me up so I finally flipped and attacked her. I hate this so much! Since we were children we've done this. I've tried everything! I've ignored her, I tried talking to her about it, but nothing works! I need someone to help me! I'm getting to the point I can't take much more! 

It's very rare for twins to fall out like this so I feel very sorry for you. Sometimes sibling relationships don't work out. I am estranged from my own sister.

As far as possible keep your distance from her. You have the right to defend yourself if attacked, but don't stoop to petty acts of revenge. If you do not want anything to do with her, you have the right to say so. Explore the possibility of going to live with a relative. As a last resort you can go into care if you feel that strongly.

Why am I so annoying?

Cornelia says:
I'm really annoying and I end up annoying myself, every day that will be me and I'll annoy the **** out of my friends, then I'll start to feel bad and wonder why I'm not normal. Then people think I'm sad and depressed. Now this is me on a regular basis and I feel that people are just starting to think I'm attention seeking.
 

I'm either really annoying to the point of where everyone hates me or really sad to where I think my friends are calling me an attention seeker. I always told myself when I was younger I wouldn't be the girl that would be so weird with emotions I'd always be that one great friend, but lately I've just been called complicated and confusing and over emotional I don't know what's wrong with me what do I do? 

You're trying too hard! You are scared of being ignored and overlooked. But you don't need to draw attention to yourself to be part of the group. You have two ears and one mouth to be used in those proportions. Do a little more attentive listening. Not only will you learn more about the people you hang with, when you listen, all that noise and worry in your head starts to calm down.

Look for opportunities to be genuinely helpful or say something nice rather than trying to entertain. You will find your place in the group and in the world as a whole by making a helpful difference, so be alert for opportunities to be genuinely helpful. Few of us are natural comics and comedians or entertainers, and we don't need to in order to be to be happy and get recognition.

When there are no apparent opportunities to contribute, that is the time to listen and learn. Taking up meditation about 15 minutes per day will also help you.