As you may notice, I have not entered any new posts for some considerable time! I have been busy! For the foreseeable future, that continues to be the case.
HOWEVER below is a considerable wealth of wisdom to enjoy. In addition, if you have a problem you'd like me to help with, the opportunity remains! Drop me an e-mail and tell me if it's ok to post it here, anonymously or otherwise.
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Thursday, 7 January 2016
Thursday, 26 June 2014
I got dumped after just two weeks! Was I too sexual?
Raynan says:
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think?
One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.
When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.
When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere.
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think?
One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.
When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.
When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere.
Will this pic of me turn him on?
Susan says:
My bf is away for 5 mths and i'll like to send him something that he can "use". Yet, i want to keep things subtle n i don't want it to circulate online and so I've cut my face out.
Will this work? Do you think it is arousing enough? Is it good enough for him to w*ank to?
http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=adkBqYNLltu4%2Fb9B5BC%2BJYh4l5k2TGxc#.U6vyL4kazCQ
Wouldn't it be a better idea if you asked HIM want kinda picture would turn him on? You see everyone has their own personal "taste". If you want your relationship to last you need to talk about what turns each other on - openly and frankly! The idea is great and couples forced apart do this all the time, but it's with each other you need to be discussing it!
My bf is away for 5 mths and i'll like to send him something that he can "use". Yet, i want to keep things subtle n i don't want it to circulate online and so I've cut my face out.
Will this work? Do you think it is arousing enough? Is it good enough for him to w*ank to?
http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=adkBqYNLltu4%2Fb9B5BC%2BJYh4l5k2TGxc#.U6vyL4kazCQ
Wouldn't it be a better idea if you asked HIM want kinda picture would turn him on? You see everyone has their own personal "taste". If you want your relationship to last you need to talk about what turns each other on - openly and frankly! The idea is great and couples forced apart do this all the time, but it's with each other you need to be discussing it!
Thursday, 19 June 2014
My husband has treated me very badly
Laura says:
My significant other dumped me about 2 wks and treated me terribly. He badmouthed me at work and to neighbors and did everything he could to make me jealous. Also said he no longer wanted anything else to do with with me and how happy he was without me Also refused to watch our 3 yr old because he claimed I was using him to make us get back together. Basically he did this all on a whim which left me without adequate time to get childcare so I had to miss work.
Well I found out that while separated he has been giving his female coworkers rides to work and also ended up giving some girl 500 dollars. I found this out because he is now trying to reconcile saying that he will NOW work with me on the childcare issue etc. The thing that burns me up is that he took some other girl to work and refused to watch our son, so therefore I had to take the day off.
Clearly not all men are the same but generally speaking why would a man do something like this? He is now trying to save face and begging me not tell anyone how this woman tricked him out of 500 dollars. I told him that he is deceptive and cannot be trusted. Although I have not been perfect I have NEVER used him for money.
Also why the change of heart now?
Update : I know that we are separated and NOT together therefore he has not obligation to me, BUT why treat me like CRAP and then turn around and now try to help me.
You're not imagining it - you HAVE been treated badly, and like a lot of men do he's trying to make out that it's all your fault - it isn't! To use an innocent child as a weapon is particularly unforgivable. I would not trust this man for a moment - he probably doesn't want the grief of a messy breakup, but he should of thought about that before.
You deserve better. I'm afraid that if you give in to the temptation to let this man back into your life you will only be sorry and delay the inevitable.
My significant other dumped me about 2 wks and treated me terribly. He badmouthed me at work and to neighbors and did everything he could to make me jealous. Also said he no longer wanted anything else to do with with me and how happy he was without me Also refused to watch our 3 yr old because he claimed I was using him to make us get back together. Basically he did this all on a whim which left me without adequate time to get childcare so I had to miss work.
Well I found out that while separated he has been giving his female coworkers rides to work and also ended up giving some girl 500 dollars. I found this out because he is now trying to reconcile saying that he will NOW work with me on the childcare issue etc. The thing that burns me up is that he took some other girl to work and refused to watch our son, so therefore I had to take the day off.
Clearly not all men are the same but generally speaking why would a man do something like this? He is now trying to save face and begging me not tell anyone how this woman tricked him out of 500 dollars. I told him that he is deceptive and cannot be trusted. Although I have not been perfect I have NEVER used him for money.
Also why the change of heart now?
Update : I know that we are separated and NOT together therefore he has not obligation to me, BUT why treat me like CRAP and then turn around and now try to help me.
You're not imagining it - you HAVE been treated badly, and like a lot of men do he's trying to make out that it's all your fault - it isn't! To use an innocent child as a weapon is particularly unforgivable. I would not trust this man for a moment - he probably doesn't want the grief of a messy breakup, but he should of thought about that before.
You deserve better. I'm afraid that if you give in to the temptation to let this man back into your life you will only be sorry and delay the inevitable.
She will not tell me what the problem is!
Akash says
I'm loving a girl like my 2nd mother (wife is equal to 2nd mother)because I always trust on her lot.
but problem is from few days she is in some problem but i m asking her lots about that she is not telling anything, really i became so nervous!
Can you tell me pls whether should continue my relationship with her not because still i m loving her... one more thing is she is not calling me and not msging me but whenever i ask her she will tell me that she was in problems i don't know anything but really i m fed up with this....what to pls tell me suggestions my dear friends
Time for an ultimatum. If your relationship is to have a future, you must know everything about each other, good and bad. If she does not trust you to be helpful and sympathetic, your relationship has no future. Point this out to her, and if she will still not share the problem, it's time to let her go.
I'm loving a girl like my 2nd mother (wife is equal to 2nd mother)because I always trust on her lot.
but problem is from few days she is in some problem but i m asking her lots about that she is not telling anything, really i became so nervous!
Can you tell me pls whether should continue my relationship with her not because still i m loving her... one more thing is she is not calling me and not msging me but whenever i ask her she will tell me that she was in problems i don't know anything but really i m fed up with this....what to pls tell me suggestions my dear friends
Time for an ultimatum. If your relationship is to have a future, you must know everything about each other, good and bad. If she does not trust you to be helpful and sympathetic, your relationship has no future. Point this out to her, and if she will still not share the problem, it's time to let her go.
Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?
Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently.
He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women.
He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.
I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.
You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.
The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.
And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you.
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently.
He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women.
He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.
I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.
You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.
The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.
And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you.
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
I resent her father coming to the party!
Jessica says:
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.
How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of this party and I paid for everything myself.
I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that would make my wife unhappy and resentful.
Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about.
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.
How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of this party and I paid for everything myself.
I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that would make my wife unhappy and resentful.
Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about.
I caught my husband online with his ex
Trinity says:
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc.
But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?
Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.
They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect.....
You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.
It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.
It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc.
But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?
Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.
They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect.....
You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.
It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.
It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.
I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage!
JustCurious says:
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
Is this true love?
Dan says
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!
I'm so happy for you! And if it aint broke don't fix it. I really
wouldn't concern yourself over this question. If it's love, you'll know
soon enough. A good sign will be the next time you don't know where she
is and you can't contact her. If you're beside yourself with worry and
all kinds of unpleasant scenarios rush through your head - and you're
desperately relieved to find out she's ok - then you're probably in love
with her.
This is the most stress free relationship I've ever been in. I don't know why but, it's great! I'm guessing it is because she was my best friend for a few years before we dated. In the past with other gf's, I used to get so angry and mad and upset. But with my current girlfriend I don't. I'm not jealous. And she told me jokingly the other day that she "smoked" before when I knew her - she didn't and she was just joking she said "yea I smoked air!" But I didn't get MAD at her, it wasn't an angry feeling. I couldn't be mad at her because well I loved her. I don't flip out on her and no matter what I will love her. Is this true love? I'm literally so stress-free in this relationship!
My girlfriend texts too much
Adrian says
I've been spending some time with this girl the last month or so. Last
week she gave me her number. And now she texts me every day. I don't
mind the occasional message or two. But I'm really not that into this
texting thing. I also fear it will lead to us not having anything to
talk about when we see each other in person.
How do I tell her I don't really like doing it without making her feel bad/chasing her away?
How do I tell her I don't really like doing it without making her feel bad/chasing her away?
There is a fundamental difference between the male and female attitude
to communicating. For men the purpose is to exchange relevant
information. For women, the purpose is to maintain and affirm a
connection. No surprise then most men think that their women talk/text
too much!
I really would not attempt to stop her texting. When you are together, simply do the majority of the listening and nod and smile a lot - it works for most of us! But keep your ear out for something new and relevant between the standard fare. She will prompt you with questions when she wants you to speak! If she gets concerned about your not saying a lot, explain that nothing's wrong - men just work on an essential information basis.
Don't forget though to tell her how glad you are she's in your life - she needs to hear it daily.
I really would not attempt to stop her texting. When you are together, simply do the majority of the listening and nod and smile a lot - it works for most of us! But keep your ear out for something new and relevant between the standard fare. She will prompt you with questions when she wants you to speak! If she gets concerned about your not saying a lot, explain that nothing's wrong - men just work on an essential information basis.
Don't forget though to tell her how glad you are she's in your life - she needs to hear it daily.
Our sex life is difficult
Ryan says
When I first had sex with my girlfriend it was her first time - we had anal sex. She was in great pain when I first put it in. I'm not sure now whether she wanted it too or I pressured her. She wasn't very comfortable with me trying to put my dick in. Somehow a red patch of blood appeared and we assumed it was the hymen and we checked her vagina. I could put two fingers in and she just froze there for about an hour and then she started crying uncontrollably and kept saying' "I have lost my virginity! I'm no longer a virgin!" she was distraught.
After that, we had vaginal sex. Sometimes, she would tear during sex and whenever she had sex with me she would just gaze into my eyes but wouldn't get aroused or anything like that. And suddenly she would just throw me a hug and tell me ' I love you please don't ever leave me'. On another occasion she had her period but I didn't care and still wanted it. She didn't want to but she allowed it. On another occasion, we had sex but she didn't look in the mood and I ticked her off. Whenever we had sex, prior to that, we never had any discussion.
Good news is from what I can gather is that your seem to want to be together and care about each other so that's something to build on. But you've both got a lot to learn about sex and communication.
She desperately wants to please you and is trying way too hard. You need to reassure her that you are not going to leave her just because she's not in the mood occasionally, and you must show that by not pushing for it even when you're horny. Insist that you only want sex if she does. A good discreet fap on a regular basis will help you be more sensitive to her and stop your libido getting in the way.
She will need lots of cuddles and hugs that don't need to lead to sex to reassure her. Also learn to give her massages - again without leading to sex. This is a very good way of finding out how she likes to be touched and what she doesn't like. Then, when you do have sex, you will do will be able to make her feel good. Sex will be much better if she's highly aroused rather than just desperate to keep you.
It's great that you've started discussing things. Keep doing that and your relationship will grow stronger.
When I first had sex with my girlfriend it was her first time - we had anal sex. She was in great pain when I first put it in. I'm not sure now whether she wanted it too or I pressured her. She wasn't very comfortable with me trying to put my dick in. Somehow a red patch of blood appeared and we assumed it was the hymen and we checked her vagina. I could put two fingers in and she just froze there for about an hour and then she started crying uncontrollably and kept saying' "I have lost my virginity! I'm no longer a virgin!" she was distraught.
After that, we had vaginal sex. Sometimes, she would tear during sex and whenever she had sex with me she would just gaze into my eyes but wouldn't get aroused or anything like that. And suddenly she would just throw me a hug and tell me ' I love you please don't ever leave me'. On another occasion she had her period but I didn't care and still wanted it. She didn't want to but she allowed it. On another occasion, we had sex but she didn't look in the mood and I ticked her off. Whenever we had sex, prior to that, we never had any discussion.
Good news is from what I can gather is that your seem to want to be together and care about each other so that's something to build on. But you've both got a lot to learn about sex and communication.
She desperately wants to please you and is trying way too hard. You need to reassure her that you are not going to leave her just because she's not in the mood occasionally, and you must show that by not pushing for it even when you're horny. Insist that you only want sex if she does. A good discreet fap on a regular basis will help you be more sensitive to her and stop your libido getting in the way.
She will need lots of cuddles and hugs that don't need to lead to sex to reassure her. Also learn to give her massages - again without leading to sex. This is a very good way of finding out how she likes to be touched and what she doesn't like. Then, when you do have sex, you will do will be able to make her feel good. Sex will be much better if she's highly aroused rather than just desperate to keep you.
It's great that you've started discussing things. Keep doing that and your relationship will grow stronger.
A friend has cut me off
Justin says
I recently confronted a friend of mine who I have known for almost two years. I asked her why she has been acting cold towards me recently. The response that I got was that she had moved in with her BF of less than 4 months and that she could not afford to have anyone drive a wedge between them - her words not mine.
Bear in mind that I live 300 miles away so its not like I could actually get in between them and that's not something I would do anyway. To me it sounds like she is going all gold digger and if that's the case then I wish her luck. But my question is would someone actually push someone away for any other reason? Just figured I would ask.
Either possibility may apply. She may be genuinely concerned to show that she is with him or she may no longer be interested in you because you've nothing to offer. It depends on her particular character. I suspect you are hurt by this rejection regardless of her motives. But in the words of an old Rock legend called Phil Lynott - "If that chick don't wanna know forget her"
When someone closes a door on your relationship - for whatever reason - just accept it and move on, without concerning yourself too much about the contents of the other person's head. Just hang with those who like being with you. I practise what I preach. A casual friend has recently started ignoring me at my Saturday job, and even though our relationship was very casual, it kinda hurt. But it wasn't worth my mental energy to get to the bottom of it. I just accepted it and got on with it. I have plenty of other fish to fry.
I recently confronted a friend of mine who I have known for almost two years. I asked her why she has been acting cold towards me recently. The response that I got was that she had moved in with her BF of less than 4 months and that she could not afford to have anyone drive a wedge between them - her words not mine.
Bear in mind that I live 300 miles away so its not like I could actually get in between them and that's not something I would do anyway. To me it sounds like she is going all gold digger and if that's the case then I wish her luck. But my question is would someone actually push someone away for any other reason? Just figured I would ask.
Either possibility may apply. She may be genuinely concerned to show that she is with him or she may no longer be interested in you because you've nothing to offer. It depends on her particular character. I suspect you are hurt by this rejection regardless of her motives. But in the words of an old Rock legend called Phil Lynott - "If that chick don't wanna know forget her"
When someone closes a door on your relationship - for whatever reason - just accept it and move on, without concerning yourself too much about the contents of the other person's head. Just hang with those who like being with you. I practise what I preach. A casual friend has recently started ignoring me at my Saturday job, and even though our relationship was very casual, it kinda hurt. But it wasn't worth my mental energy to get to the bottom of it. I just accepted it and got on with it. I have plenty of other fish to fry.
Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship
John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important
Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
Friday, 30 May 2014
How do I ask this girl out?
Dude says
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
How do I know if he likes me?
Skye says:
How do I know if a guy likes me or not ?? He is quite flirtatious but I cant tell if its just him being a guy or if he actually likes me!
We'd all love to read minds - it would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? We'd all like to know who fancies us and who doesn't. Unfortunately issues and the fear of rejection gets in the way. Short answer then is - you CAN'T know. Neither is there a formula response to this sort of situation.
All you can do is ask yourself some questions:
Do I fancy HIM?
If so, who do I expect to make the first move?
If it's him, how can I make it easy for him to ask me out?
How long am I prepared to wait?
Welcome to romance - it's a challenging game!
How do I know if a guy likes me or not ?? He is quite flirtatious but I cant tell if its just him being a guy or if he actually likes me!
We'd all love to read minds - it would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? We'd all like to know who fancies us and who doesn't. Unfortunately issues and the fear of rejection gets in the way. Short answer then is - you CAN'T know. Neither is there a formula response to this sort of situation.
All you can do is ask yourself some questions:
Do I fancy HIM?
If so, who do I expect to make the first move?
If it's him, how can I make it easy for him to ask me out?
How long am I prepared to wait?
Welcome to romance - it's a challenging game!
Ex won't leave me alone!
Anonymous says:
He's a bad person, he's done a lot of mental harm to me and I want nothing to do with him.
He always has a way to keep me associated with him. He tells people about how we were together and why we broke up. He accidentally contacts me. He tries to get involved with people who were my so called 'friends'. I want him out of my life? I saw him other day and he stared directly at me and then A week before that be 'accidently ' called me.
How do I get him out of my life? Don't even want to associated with this asshole no more!!
This is sadly a combination of male ego, revenge and power-tripping. I come across this sort of psychological warfare all the time. There are three things you must do. Firstly name and shame him to EVERYBODY on social media. Secondly, if you an afford it or can get help, apply for a restraining order on this individual, making it illegal for him to contact you. Thirdly, keep all evidence of his contact with you, taking photographs, recordings and keeping messages and e-mails so you can file a valid complaint to the Police.
He's not going to go away just because you want him to, so you are going to have to fight. Good luck.
He's a bad person, he's done a lot of mental harm to me and I want nothing to do with him.
He always has a way to keep me associated with him. He tells people about how we were together and why we broke up. He accidentally contacts me. He tries to get involved with people who were my so called 'friends'. I want him out of my life? I saw him other day and he stared directly at me and then A week before that be 'accidently ' called me.
How do I get him out of my life? Don't even want to associated with this asshole no more!!
This is sadly a combination of male ego, revenge and power-tripping. I come across this sort of psychological warfare all the time. There are three things you must do. Firstly name and shame him to EVERYBODY on social media. Secondly, if you an afford it or can get help, apply for a restraining order on this individual, making it illegal for him to contact you. Thirdly, keep all evidence of his contact with you, taking photographs, recordings and keeping messages and e-mails so you can file a valid complaint to the Police.
He's not going to go away just because you want him to, so you are going to have to fight. Good luck.
Monday, 26 May 2014
Is it too soon to ask this guy to hang out again?
Hailey says:
So me and this guy have been friends at school for a while now (high school) and I have the BIGGEST crush on him and he's a drummer and plays guitar and a whole bunch of instruments so I asked him if he wanted to go to the EMP (it's a huge music place where you can play their instruments and stuff) with me and two other of our friends. He said for sure and we went on Saturday.
I don't want to type the full details but he was flirting a LOT and tried to teach me stuff and kept looking at me. So when we dropped him back off at his house he thanked us for taking him and said how much fun he had. That night he texted me again and said how awesome it was and I said we should totally hang out this summer (which starts in 2 weeks) and he said "no doubt!!" Well it's only been 2 days since then but I really just want to hang out with him alone.. Our houses are walking distance apart and I don't know if it's too early to ask to hang out again?? Am I being too desperate?? PLEASE HELP
Having the hots for someone doesn't make you desperate. Desperate is when anyone will do. Clearly that's not you. Make your move, and I hope it turns out to be a Summer you'll always remember!
So me and this guy have been friends at school for a while now (high school) and I have the BIGGEST crush on him and he's a drummer and plays guitar and a whole bunch of instruments so I asked him if he wanted to go to the EMP (it's a huge music place where you can play their instruments and stuff) with me and two other of our friends. He said for sure and we went on Saturday.
I don't want to type the full details but he was flirting a LOT and tried to teach me stuff and kept looking at me. So when we dropped him back off at his house he thanked us for taking him and said how much fun he had. That night he texted me again and said how awesome it was and I said we should totally hang out this summer (which starts in 2 weeks) and he said "no doubt!!" Well it's only been 2 days since then but I really just want to hang out with him alone.. Our houses are walking distance apart and I don't know if it's too early to ask to hang out again?? Am I being too desperate?? PLEASE HELP
Having the hots for someone doesn't make you desperate. Desperate is when anyone will do. Clearly that's not you. Make your move, and I hope it turns out to be a Summer you'll always remember!
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Our relationship has gone sour
Sarah Jane says:
My boyfriend and I are together 4years next month. We are in our 20s. In love. Everything was perfect for the first 3years. He was head over in heels in love. .always giving me compliments ..flowers at my door ..whisking me away . You name it I got it. He went to Australia last summer and since he came back everything has gone downhill. We fight.. I cry. I have gotten jealous problems since his holiday I don't no why but I do. He looks at girls and says he never dose . I no he dose. I just don't feel like I'm enough for him. He never dose anything I said above anymore. I feel like hes taking me for granted. I love him god so much I don't want to leave him. He always says im this im that.. he always tells me to go away dosnt talk to me until I have to go ring or text him. Im chasing after him and why he doesn't give me the time or day anymore really. Its making me lose sleep and feel sick and worried. He always says ' I don't no anymore this relationship makes me ****' then I say ok what am I to you?! Am I your girlfriend or what if u feel like this . Then he goes crazy and says ' do I have to answer every fucking day I do want to be with you I cant deal with this ****' seriously what am I to him . : (
I'm sorry to tell you this but this relationship is dead - long dead - destroyed by jealousy, possessiveness, mistrust and resentment. It's now turned toxic and is hurting both of you. He is not strong enough yet to do what's best for both of you and dump you completely.
However much you want him, I think you know in your heart that this is so over. One of you has to make the move sooner or later, and the sooner it's done the better.
Guys by the way, even loyal committed guys can't resist an ogle at other girls. That's fine so long as they keep their hands, heart and other parts solely for you. You may want to bear that in mind for future relationships.
My boyfriend and I are together 4years next month. We are in our 20s. In love. Everything was perfect for the first 3years. He was head over in heels in love. .always giving me compliments ..flowers at my door ..whisking me away . You name it I got it. He went to Australia last summer and since he came back everything has gone downhill. We fight.. I cry. I have gotten jealous problems since his holiday I don't no why but I do. He looks at girls and says he never dose . I no he dose. I just don't feel like I'm enough for him. He never dose anything I said above anymore. I feel like hes taking me for granted. I love him god so much I don't want to leave him. He always says im this im that.. he always tells me to go away dosnt talk to me until I have to go ring or text him. Im chasing after him and why he doesn't give me the time or day anymore really. Its making me lose sleep and feel sick and worried. He always says ' I don't no anymore this relationship makes me ****' then I say ok what am I to you?! Am I your girlfriend or what if u feel like this . Then he goes crazy and says ' do I have to answer every fucking day I do want to be with you I cant deal with this ****' seriously what am I to him . : (
I'm sorry to tell you this but this relationship is dead - long dead - destroyed by jealousy, possessiveness, mistrust and resentment. It's now turned toxic and is hurting both of you. He is not strong enough yet to do what's best for both of you and dump you completely.
However much you want him, I think you know in your heart that this is so over. One of you has to make the move sooner or later, and the sooner it's done the better.
Guys by the way, even loyal committed guys can't resist an ogle at other girls. That's fine so long as they keep their hands, heart and other parts solely for you. You may want to bear that in mind for future relationships.
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