Nicole says:
In July of 2013, my husband got with a group of people that he thought
would help him in his business. They took him in, gave him a car,
financed his club gigs, and kept him busy. Within a few months, he
stopped coming home, started partying all night and hanging with strippers. He
even told me he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me bitching
about him not coming home. My husband was never like this before!! This went
on for 5 months. I was so hurt, I would cry every day.
He would see me
cry and walk right out the door. As it turned out, those people lied to
him about a lot of things so he decided to stop associating with them. He came
home and apologized and was back to the person he was before these people
came along. My thing is, I can't get over it!
He was so arrogant and
nasty to me when he thought those people were helping him. I hate him
for it and he knows it. He's trying so hard to make me forget, and is
being such a sweetheart, but I'm scarred. I get so angry with him and
he'll just sit there like a little puppy. Honestly, i feel like I just
don't know what to do. I'm still hurting from it 3 months later. Please help!
To say I forgive you is easy to say, but as you are finding out, very hard to do!
The fact is that your relationship has been damaged and will never be
the same again, because now you know what he's capable of doing in the
wrong circumstances. Trust, once lost, is very difficult and very slow
to come back again.
If this relationship is to continue or if it doesn't, that hurt ISN'T
going to ever go away. At best, it will become less painful and easier
to carry with time. You have to accept that like you would for any bad
experience. Your husband won't ever be able fix it.
The question is therefore not how to fix it, but do you still love him,
and do you still want him? If the answer is YES then dictate reasonable
terms for staying together - and if he breaks them, end it. But beating
him continually over the head with what he did will not help you, him or
the marriage. If you are going to carry on, you will have to be able to
live with the hurt in return for being treated better from now on.
But only you know how strong you are and how deep your love is. Be
completely honest with yourself. Only give him this second chance if you
definitely don't want to be without him, and you are prepared to accept
that he is not as strong as you would like him to be.
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