My husband has treated me very badly

Laura says:
My significant other dumped me about 2 wks and treated me terribly. He badmouthed me at work and to neighbors and did everything he could to make me jealous. Also said he no longer wanted anything else to do with with me and how happy he was without me Also refused to watch our 3 yr old because he claimed I was using him to make us get back together. Basically he did this all on a whim which left me without adequate time to get childcare so I had to miss work. 

Well I found out that while separated he has been giving his female coworkers rides to work and also ended up giving some girl 500 dollars. I found this out because he is now trying to reconcile saying that he will NOW work with me on the childcare issue etc. The thing that burns me up is that he took some other girl to work and refused to watch our son, so therefore I had to take the day off.
Clearly not all men are the same but generally speaking why would a man do something like this? He is now trying to save face and begging me not tell anyone how this woman tricked him out of 500 dollars. I told him that he is deceptive and cannot be trusted. Although I have not been perfect I have NEVER used him for money.
Also why the change of heart now?
Update : I know that we are separated and NOT together therefore he has not obligation to me, BUT why treat me like CRAP and then turn around and now try to help me. 

You're not imagining it - you HAVE been treated badly, and like a lot of men do he's trying to make out that it's all your fault - it isn't! To use an innocent child as a weapon is particularly unforgivable. I would not trust this man for a moment - he probably doesn't want the grief of a messy breakup, but he should of thought about that before.
You deserve better. I'm afraid that if you give in to the temptation to let this man back into your life you will only be sorry and delay the inevitable.

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

I caught my husband online with his ex

Trinity says:
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc. 

But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?
Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.
They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect..... 

You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.

It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.

It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.

He hasn't asked me to marry him!

Melissa says:
My boyfriend tells me he wants to marry me all the time but I haven't seen a ring or heard a proposal, its more of actions speak louder than words thing on that part, but he takes care of me , never embarrassed of me when I'm not looking my best, I feel he loves me for me even tho I'm hard on him.
His birthday is coming up and I would love to marry him, i found the prefect engagement ring for him but I'm unsure if I should propose or just get the ring and wait until he does or just get him something else for his birthday.

There are clearly many positives in your relationship and it would be a shame if you spoiled it with your impatience. Guys who take care of you properly and are fanciable as well are not so easy to come by. It's perfectly understandable how you feel but you need to let it go until he's ready, and just get on with loving each other and getting ready to be a family. Focus on what you've already got rather than what you haven't yet.

He can't afford to get married

Brad says:
I know this guy, who says that he can't afford a married life. I don't know why he says that , but every time the topic comes up he simply says - Marriage is a luxury, he can't afford!
What amazes me is that, he is not poor, i think we can say he has an average job with average salary pretty much what most people make, still he considers that he can't afford a marriage life. From what i know this guys, he isn't a miser.
Could this be actually true, that someone just can't afford a married life? 

If you want it badly enough, you find a way. This is just another classic case of a guy scared of commitment.

My marriage is in trouble!

Nicole says:
In July of 2013, my husband got with a group of people that he thought would help him in his business. They took him in, gave him a car, financed his club gigs, and kept him busy. Within a few months, he stopped coming home, started partying all night and hanging with strippers. He even told me he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me bitching about him not coming home. My husband was never like this before!! This went on for 5 months. I was so hurt, I would cry every day.

 He would see me cry and walk right out the door. As it turned out, those people lied to him about a lot of things so he decided to stop associating with them. He came home and apologized and was back to the person he was before these people came along. My thing is, I can't get over it!

He was so arrogant and nasty to me when he thought those people were helping him. I hate him for it and he knows it. He's trying so hard to make me forget, and is being such a sweetheart, but I'm scarred. I get so angry with him and he'll just sit there like a little puppy. Honestly, i feel like I just don't know what to do. I'm still hurting from it 3 months later. Please help! 

To say I forgive you is easy to say, but as you are finding out, very hard to do!

The fact is that your relationship has been damaged and will never be the same again, because now you know what he's capable of doing in the wrong circumstances. Trust, once lost, is very difficult and very slow to come back again.

If this relationship is to continue or if it doesn't, that hurt ISN'T going to ever go away. At best, it will become less painful and easier to carry with time. You have to accept that like you would for any bad experience. Your husband won't ever be able fix it.

The question is therefore not how to fix it, but do you still love him, and do you still want him? If the answer is YES then dictate reasonable terms for staying together - and if he breaks them, end it. But beating him continually over the head with what he did will not help you, him or the marriage. If you are going to carry on, you will have to be able to live with the hurt in return for being treated better from now on.

But only you know how strong you are and how deep your love is. Be completely honest with yourself. Only give him this second chance if you definitely don't want to be without him, and you are prepared to accept that he is not as strong as you would like him to be. 

I want him to help him heal

Living Life says
Almost a year ago I made the biggest mistake of my life; cheating on my fiance/father of my children. I was afraid of commitment and was not thinking right, but never mind why I did it, point is it was done. I have realized how wrong I was and how much I have hurt him. I don't ever want him to know that pain again, and I know that I will never do this again because of that. I love this man more than my next breath, and just want him to be happy, but I'm running out ideas of how to help him. I've even tried telling him that he would be happier if he'd leave me, and I've waived my rights to child support if he were to do so. Can anyone give advice on how to help him?

There are three separate issues here. Firstly he needs to be at least willing to forgive you - that will come first. Healing however will take some considerable time, and you will need to be patient. It's a consequence of your action and you will have to live with it for some time - there is no quick fix. The third issue is trust - that will take even longer and may never come back fully. Again this is a price you will have to accept and pay. It's important not to keep going over in your mind what you did as that will help neither of you. You can only change what you do now. Focus on that, and if your mutual love is strong enough, your relationship will survive.

I want to commit suicide

Anonymous says
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.


You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.

Do I stay with him?

Everly says:
In the past few years my husband and I have had ups and downs. He's been unfaithful, he's lied ( about silly things as well as about the cheating), and we're still together. Yes, we weathered the storm and now we're planning on moving forward together. He is very sorry for past mistakes; he loves me and wants to be a good husband again.... but while I care about him deeply, ( he is family) I don't think I love him romantically any more. I'm trying hard, because I know that potentially, we can have a nice life together. We get on well, we are good friends. But secretly I long for more. We haven't had sex for more than 3 years, because he has ED. This makes me feel sad and yes...a little resentful, given the affairs.... I dont want to hurt him..I don't know what I want. Is companionship and tenderness enough? Am I under valuing this aspect of our relationship in search of something possibly more transient? I sometimes feel content... ...other times, sad. 

ED is dealt with, now relatively inexpensively, with Viagra, and I should know! But that really isn't the crux of the issue. If you don't love this guy you are choosing to sacrifice your happiness for him. This gives you a stark choice - you hurt or he does.
This is YOUR life, and it's limited - spend it in the most fulfilling way, or you'll regret it bitterly when it's too late.

Why can't guys stay loyal?

Anonymous says:
I mean seriously I don't understand you immature, pathetic, disgusting, cold heated guys who cheat, in the end you will be lonely, no girl wants a cheater. I'm just so curious as to why it so easy for guys to cheat. You know what if you fell for another chick how bout you do the right thing and break up with your gf then be with the other girl instead of cheat on your gf. In life I believe you will never be satisfied if you constantly try to look for better, how bout trying this stay with one for life like I don't understand, work issues out, just DON'T CHEAT.
You never realise what you have till it's gone. 

In the first place, be reassured that we are not ALL like that.

Of course a lot of guys are. This is because male sexuality is fundamentally different. Females are the ones who have the babies. Therefore, female sexuality is based on the best scenario for a child - a strong committed single individual. Males are driven by genes that want to spread their seed as far and wide as possible. Females grant sex as an honour, men grasp it as a prize! Females have sex to get relationships, men have relationships to get sex.

That said, there is far more to a person than their sexuality. A good strong man is capable (up to a point) of controlling his sexuality for the one that he loves. That is he kind of man you are looking for. 

How do I break up with her?

Confused says:
Hi,
I have met a girl over internet. Initially I haven't seen each other. We have exchanged mobile numbers and have texted each other for few months. Then I came to know she has feelings for me so I proposed her. She said Yes. As we haven't meet each other till that point, I visited her town just to see her. After meeting her I came to know she is a very sweet simple looking girl. I continue visiting her town in every other month. Its been two years we are together but from couple of months I am getting the feeling that I am not any more attracted to her. And wants to break up. But the problem is that even though I discussed my problem with her she did not understand and she is not ready TO BREAK UP. She loves me so much. I don't know what to do now...!!! 

If you are looking for a painless way out, there isn't one. You are inevitably going to break her heart. However it is absolutely what you must do. She will eventually heal and find love again, with someone who loves her back. Do not hesitate a moment longer and do what must be done. Then you too can move on.

Should an architect marry a navy officer?

Creator says:
I am an architecture student and my boyfriend will soon become an officer in indian navy, if i marry him, what will be the scope for my job and future? 

I think your career will work out just fine, but much of your relationship will be spent apart, with you left to cope alone with any children and home problems. Some pay this price and it works just fine - all the passion gets squeezed into the times together and they can be intense. Trust your intuition to tell you if this is right for you. 

I found a letter from her ex!

Michael Says:
Me and my girlfriend got into our first fight since being together a year a couple days ago. So yesterday she posts something about jury duty on instagram and I had this feeling right away that she might have talked to her ex (he's a lawyer) Sure enough he comments on it and she comments back saying something like "now work your magic and get me out of it haha" She never talks to him and I told her in the beginning I was uncomfortable with it, but here's my real dilemma.

A couple months ago I found a letter in her drawer from her ex basically telling her he wanted her back. Saying things like "you were right for not wanting to see me a few months ago, I still want you" and "if he ever gets on your nerves give me a call". It bothered me to no end that she kept this letter but I ultimately just decided not to bring it up. Our relationship has always been so good in the year we've been together. We've never fought, we're always talking about the future and plus she's just not the type of girl I would ever think to cheat on someone. The fact that she was choosing me over him (who she dated for 6 years) made me feel a lot more appreciated in a way. So I let it go. But now it's starting to really bother me because this is where he said in the letter to contact him. "If he ever gets on your nerves let me know" And so that's exactly what she did or could be doing right now. It makes me feel like she's subscribing to this letter he wrote her and could potentially still have feelings for him.

I don't know if I should even bring it up cause she'll probably more than likely get mad. Except I feel like I have so much more to be upset about right now... 

Whatever happens next, someone's going to get upset anyway. There is no way you will be able to sit on this without it affecting your behaviour. There's an old proverb - sunlight is the best disinfectant. It's time to have it out with her. If she wants to go back to him, she's going to do it anyway, and the sooner you know the better. Honesty and trust are absolutely crucial to the survival of your relationship - if you want it to go the distance it's time to stop keeping things from each other right now.

It's also time for an ultimatum - him or you. You need to respect her choice, but don't be prepared to share! This is a big and painful test for your relationship I know but you didn't bring it about - they did! no more deception and secrets from either of you! Good luck

What can I do about my bad temper?

Madeline Roman says:
My husband and I have been married for 6months now but I've seemed to notice myself having a bad temper everything he does sometimes annoys me. What can be going on with me? 

I am prone to severe anger management issues myself, and wrote a book about it. Sorry it's a blatant sell, which I very rarely do, but I promise you it's what you need. Buy it here