Jessica says:
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her
father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time
she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.
How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been
a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He
confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of
this party and I paid for everything myself.
I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is
you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter
doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her
best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my
daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that
would make my wife unhappy and resentful.
Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage!
JustCurious says:
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Are my parents divorced or not?
Bob says:
Me and my family lived in the UK until I was 7. My family except my dad lives in Australia now. He lives in the UK for "work" but sometimes when my mum rings him my mum cries. Both my parents don't wear their wedding rings. I don't know if they are and I've tried bringing it up but my mum refuses. I still think they are though I dont know what to do. Please help.
It doesn't really matter. It's between them, you just get the fall-out. The fact is their relationship is obviously on the rocks, which is not your fault. You have no choice but to get on with your own life, be there for your mum and do your best to make sure any relationships of your own don't go the same way.
Me and my family lived in the UK until I was 7. My family except my dad lives in Australia now. He lives in the UK for "work" but sometimes when my mum rings him my mum cries. Both my parents don't wear their wedding rings. I don't know if they are and I've tried bringing it up but my mum refuses. I still think they are though I dont know what to do. Please help.
It doesn't really matter. It's between them, you just get the fall-out. The fact is their relationship is obviously on the rocks, which is not your fault. You have no choice but to get on with your own life, be there for your mum and do your best to make sure any relationships of your own don't go the same way.
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
My separated husband is threatening suicide
mns says
We have been separated for almost six months now and he's just treated me like absolute **** when it is just me and him (even if we meet up) but act like the perfect person infront of people. he's created an image to everybody , all our friends and common friends that he's the godliest of person and has this whole persona to prove me and the trauma i have been through to be absolute lies. i wrote an email to his boss about his abusive behaviour and the boss didnt do anything. i don't want to reach till the cops but now it looks like i wont be left with a choice.
I am in desperate need of advice !! anyone who went through the same plz tell me what steps u took to avoid trouble legally and emotionally! :(
If he does commit suicide that would be a decision made by him not you. You are not responsible for the unreasonable behaviour of someone else. Tell EVERYBODY what he's doing, and have no hesitation about going to the Police. There is no way out of emotional trauma for you - you need the courage to face it. Get recorded and video evidence if you can - that's what Justin Lee Collins' partner did, and then put it all over the media - quite rightly. Rid your life of this devious manipulative and selfish individual.
We have been separated for almost six months now and he's just treated me like absolute **** when it is just me and him (even if we meet up) but act like the perfect person infront of people. he's created an image to everybody , all our friends and common friends that he's the godliest of person and has this whole persona to prove me and the trauma i have been through to be absolute lies. i wrote an email to his boss about his abusive behaviour and the boss didnt do anything. i don't want to reach till the cops but now it looks like i wont be left with a choice.
I am in desperate need of advice !! anyone who went through the same plz tell me what steps u took to avoid trouble legally and emotionally! :(
If he does commit suicide that would be a decision made by him not you. You are not responsible for the unreasonable behaviour of someone else. Tell EVERYBODY what he's doing, and have no hesitation about going to the Police. There is no way out of emotional trauma for you - you need the courage to face it. Get recorded and video evidence if you can - that's what Justin Lee Collins' partner did, and then put it all over the media - quite rightly. Rid your life of this devious manipulative and selfish individual.
I want to commit suicide
Anonymous says
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Do I stay with him?
Everly says:
In the past few years my husband and I have had ups and downs. He's been unfaithful, he's lied ( about silly things as well as about the cheating), and we're still together. Yes, we weathered the storm and now we're planning on moving forward together. He is very sorry for past mistakes; he loves me and wants to be a good husband again.... but while I care about him deeply, ( he is family) I don't think I love him romantically any more. I'm trying hard, because I know that potentially, we can have a nice life together. We get on well, we are good friends. But secretly I long for more. We haven't had sex for more than 3 years, because he has ED. This makes me feel sad and yes...a little resentful, given the affairs.... I dont want to hurt him..I don't know what I want. Is companionship and tenderness enough? Am I under valuing this aspect of our relationship in search of something possibly more transient? I sometimes feel content... ...other times, sad.
ED is dealt with, now relatively inexpensively, with Viagra, and I should know! But that really isn't the crux of the issue. If you don't love this guy you are choosing to sacrifice your happiness for him. This gives you a stark choice - you hurt or he does.
This is YOUR life, and it's limited - spend it in the most fulfilling way, or you'll regret it bitterly when it's too late.
In the past few years my husband and I have had ups and downs. He's been unfaithful, he's lied ( about silly things as well as about the cheating), and we're still together. Yes, we weathered the storm and now we're planning on moving forward together. He is very sorry for past mistakes; he loves me and wants to be a good husband again.... but while I care about him deeply, ( he is family) I don't think I love him romantically any more. I'm trying hard, because I know that potentially, we can have a nice life together. We get on well, we are good friends. But secretly I long for more. We haven't had sex for more than 3 years, because he has ED. This makes me feel sad and yes...a little resentful, given the affairs.... I dont want to hurt him..I don't know what I want. Is companionship and tenderness enough? Am I under valuing this aspect of our relationship in search of something possibly more transient? I sometimes feel content... ...other times, sad.
ED is dealt with, now relatively inexpensively, with Viagra, and I should know! But that really isn't the crux of the issue. If you don't love this guy you are choosing to sacrifice your happiness for him. This gives you a stark choice - you hurt or he does.
This is YOUR life, and it's limited - spend it in the most fulfilling way, or you'll regret it bitterly when it's too late.
Friday, 31 January 2014
He remarried and gave my half-sister my name!
Lynda Dixon says:
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,??
It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.
Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.
Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.
Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,??
It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.
Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.
Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.
Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.
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