Everly says:
In the past few years my husband and I have had ups and downs. He's been
unfaithful, he's lied ( about silly things as well as about the
cheating), and we're still together. Yes, we weathered the storm and now
we're planning on moving forward together. He is very sorry for past
mistakes; he loves me and wants to be a good husband again.... but while
I care about him deeply, ( he is family) I don't think I love him
romantically any more. I'm trying hard, because I know that potentially,
we can have a nice life together. We get on well, we are good friends.
But secretly I long for more. We haven't had sex for more than 3 years,
because he has ED. This makes me feel sad and yes...a little resentful,
given the affairs.... I dont want to hurt him..I don't know what I want.
Is companionship and tenderness enough? Am I under valuing this aspect
of our relationship in search of something possibly more transient? I
sometimes feel content... ...other times, sad.
ED is dealt with, now relatively inexpensively, with Viagra, and I
should know! But that really isn't the crux of the issue. If you don't
love this guy you are choosing to sacrifice your happiness for him. This
gives you a stark choice - you hurt or he does.
This is YOUR life, and it's limited - spend it in the most fulfilling way, or you'll regret it bitterly when it's too late.
Showing posts with label intuition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intuition. Show all posts
Thursday, 20 February 2014
What do I do about this difficult relationship?
Radostin Petrov says:
I think I must start with the fact that I'm a teenager and these things happen a lot to people at my age. I've been in a relationship with a girl (I'm a boy) for 4 months now being both happy and sad with it(mostly because I'm extremely jelious). I also am really egoistic and i know it. There' s another girl that has caught my interest who i am sure about 70% that likes me back but my girlfriend is really jelious of her. I would really like to spend more time with that girl but i think i may have had a bad influence with my gf and last night she even cried while we were on the phone that she is afraid to lose me and wants to be with me forever. I dont know what to do now as i certainly dont want to hurt her. She as well as the other girl is from my class and i am afraid that even a bad look from any of them caused by any reason would kill me inside. I know i act really selfish i just want to know how to get through the situation.
P.S. today i saw the other girl (not my gf) in the bus
To your credit you have been very honest about yourself - you have admitted you are jealous and hypocritical, but you have also shown a conscience and a desire to do the right thing.
I don't think anyone else can decide your next move for you, but these truths may guide you.
1. Relationships must include trust - no trust, no relationship, just a mess.
2. Often to do the right thing involves hurting someone's feelings - that musn't stop you doing it.
3. Always be honest with yourself about what you really want. Don't go for what you think you should want instead of what you really want - that will just make you unhappy.
4. Don't ever let fear determine your actions - you will feel fear anyway, so feel it but do the right thing regardless.
Good luck - trust what your heart tells you.
I think I must start with the fact that I'm a teenager and these things happen a lot to people at my age. I've been in a relationship with a girl (I'm a boy) for 4 months now being both happy and sad with it(mostly because I'm extremely jelious). I also am really egoistic and i know it. There' s another girl that has caught my interest who i am sure about 70% that likes me back but my girlfriend is really jelious of her. I would really like to spend more time with that girl but i think i may have had a bad influence with my gf and last night she even cried while we were on the phone that she is afraid to lose me and wants to be with me forever. I dont know what to do now as i certainly dont want to hurt her. She as well as the other girl is from my class and i am afraid that even a bad look from any of them caused by any reason would kill me inside. I know i act really selfish i just want to know how to get through the situation.
P.S. today i saw the other girl (not my gf) in the bus
To your credit you have been very honest about yourself - you have admitted you are jealous and hypocritical, but you have also shown a conscience and a desire to do the right thing.
I don't think anyone else can decide your next move for you, but these truths may guide you.
1. Relationships must include trust - no trust, no relationship, just a mess.
2. Often to do the right thing involves hurting someone's feelings - that musn't stop you doing it.
3. Always be honest with yourself about what you really want. Don't go for what you think you should want instead of what you really want - that will just make you unhappy.
4. Don't ever let fear determine your actions - you will feel fear anyway, so feel it but do the right thing regardless.
Good luck - trust what your heart tells you.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
I still think about my ex
Tammy says:
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Throughout our relationship I've thought about my ex but I don't understand why. I don't feel any love for him or miss anything we had together because I'm better off now. I've thought about my ex to the point where I can't take it no more.. I would force myself to think about my ex and I being together but that only makes me feel nothing.. I don't miss him or the relationship.. I don't feel like I love him.. I feel scared for my current relationship. It's the best I've ever had and I don't want to lose it.. my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me to try to force something with my ex if I keep thinking about him.. my ex and I also did not have a very good relationship so I keep thinking what ifs since he said he's changed and still loves me after 3 years..
This is a serious case of denial - the reality is you still desire your ex, even though you're with a better guy. I'm afraid neither love nor lust do logic - we don't desire the most the ones who treat us best!
What's going on is the REVERSE of what you're saying - your MIND says stay, your heart and other parts are saying something else!
However, that doesn't mean you should necessarily seek out the other guy - it just means you need to be honest with yourself - you still desire him. Accept it as a fact! That does NOT make you a bad person - we cannot help what feelings we have.
However, what you feel and what you decide to do are separate things. Get some space to yourself, maybe a day or so on your own, and honestly ask yourself this question - what would make you really happy? Don't try and figure it out like a math problem - just listen to your heart. It doesn't use words or explanations, you just KNOW the answer. Whatever the answer is, that's where you need to go.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Throughout our relationship I've thought about my ex but I don't understand why. I don't feel any love for him or miss anything we had together because I'm better off now. I've thought about my ex to the point where I can't take it no more.. I would force myself to think about my ex and I being together but that only makes me feel nothing.. I don't miss him or the relationship.. I don't feel like I love him.. I feel scared for my current relationship. It's the best I've ever had and I don't want to lose it.. my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me to try to force something with my ex if I keep thinking about him.. my ex and I also did not have a very good relationship so I keep thinking what ifs since he said he's changed and still loves me after 3 years..
This is a serious case of denial - the reality is you still desire your ex, even though you're with a better guy. I'm afraid neither love nor lust do logic - we don't desire the most the ones who treat us best!
What's going on is the REVERSE of what you're saying - your MIND says stay, your heart and other parts are saying something else!
However, that doesn't mean you should necessarily seek out the other guy - it just means you need to be honest with yourself - you still desire him. Accept it as a fact! That does NOT make you a bad person - we cannot help what feelings we have.
However, what you feel and what you decide to do are separate things. Get some space to yourself, maybe a day or so on your own, and honestly ask yourself this question - what would make you really happy? Don't try and figure it out like a math problem - just listen to your heart. It doesn't use words or explanations, you just KNOW the answer. Whatever the answer is, that's where you need to go.
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