Nicholas says:
I'm 19 and in college. My ex recently came back like two months ago and
she wants us to be together again because last time we broke up because I
thought she and I could do better (two years back.) anyways, I was
told when you truly love someone you love everything about them
including their flaws.. But the thing is her flaws disturb me. At the
same time I don't think I can do better. I've had girls talk about
me and such but my social skills are below zero. So should I just try
to build up my confidence and social skills and speak to new people or
should I just accept her for who she is and just go with it.
Not unusual for a 19 year old, you have self-esteem issues and are
worried that this girl is the best you're going to get. To quote
Madonna's song Respect Yourself - "Second best is never enough, you'll
do much better baby on your own!" This is good advice. There is someone
for everyone. Hold out for her, whoever and whenever she turns out to be
and don't go with someone who you're not completely comfortable with.
Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Does this boy like me?
Tahira says:
I have been liking this boy for ages now and we have been flirting - he calls me babe but I don't know if he means it. I have dated a lot of guys and he says "I would of dated you if you hadn't had a past like that" but what does that mean? Does it mean he likes me?
The most worrying thing is the statement "I would of dated you if you havent had a past like that" do YOU really want to date someone with that kind of attitude? When you find the right person, their past does not matter - unless they have a history of abuse. Don't date someone who looks down on you. You want someone to love you as you are.
I have been liking this boy for ages now and we have been flirting - he calls me babe but I don't know if he means it. I have dated a lot of guys and he says "I would of dated you if you hadn't had a past like that" but what does that mean? Does it mean he likes me?
The most worrying thing is the statement "I would of dated you if you havent had a past like that" do YOU really want to date someone with that kind of attitude? When you find the right person, their past does not matter - unless they have a history of abuse. Don't date someone who looks down on you. You want someone to love you as you are.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
I'm really shy!
Shannon says
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I need help splitting up with someone I care about
SueFitz77 says
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
Men, could you fall in love with a woman even if she wasn't pretty?
Charlene says:
...if she had a lovely personality, sweet, caring, funny, just all round perfect, lovely person? I know that, as a woman, I would absolutely fall in love with a man like this.
There are plenty of men who would, particularly as they get older and have a wider perspective. There is someone for everyone. We can't all be Brad and Angelina and we don't need to be happy.
...if she had a lovely personality, sweet, caring, funny, just all round perfect, lovely person? I know that, as a woman, I would absolutely fall in love with a man like this.
There are plenty of men who would, particularly as they get older and have a wider perspective. There is someone for everyone. We can't all be Brad and Angelina and we don't need to be happy.
Monday, 26 May 2014
Why are girls giggling, staring and acting weird around me?
Frank says:
Everywhere I go, At least where there are women, I notice almost every girl acts weird around me. Either they giggle for no reason, stare at me from a distance or in conversation and don't really approach me or conversation with me. Is it an attraction thing?? I've never had this before. It's been pretty consistent for the last 2 weeks. What's up??
As much as it may feel like it, it isn't just you they're doing this to. It's the nature of giggly girls together to single out random people to make fun of - you've just recently noticed it. It's nothing to do with attraction or repulsion, just girls taking the piss. Chill out and ignore it - it's no reflection on you.
Everywhere I go, At least where there are women, I notice almost every girl acts weird around me. Either they giggle for no reason, stare at me from a distance or in conversation and don't really approach me or conversation with me. Is it an attraction thing?? I've never had this before. It's been pretty consistent for the last 2 weeks. What's up??
As much as it may feel like it, it isn't just you they're doing this to. It's the nature of giggly girls together to single out random people to make fun of - you've just recently noticed it. It's nothing to do with attraction or repulsion, just girls taking the piss. Chill out and ignore it - it's no reflection on you.
Sunday, 25 May 2014
This guy confuses me
RainbowCloud28 says
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Should I leave my boyfriend now or wait?
Shel says:
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
Friday, 23 May 2014
He gave me Chlamydia TWICE
Anonymous says:
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Is he into me or not?
Olivia says:
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Am I pretty or ugly?
Neru says:
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
I want to commit suicide
Anonymous says
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
I can't bear to see my ex with his fiancee!
Lucia says:
We were together for three years. Then he changed his mind, and told me to be just friends and said we can't marry, and now he is getting marry to an other girl.
He doesn't seem that happy, but when ever I see he is laughing with his fiance, I feel too sad.
I stop contacting him, but I see him in our club sometimes.
This feeling hurts me that I feel he is happy with his life after making me sad, and he knows I am sad. But he doesn't do anything.
He just said he is sorry for hurting me, and he said he can't bear the pain of guilt and he cried.
But I am still sad. His apologize didn't change my mood. Because I think if he was really sorry, he would never done such thing to us.
How can I cope with this pain of seeing him happy and do not suffer???
Thank you
Many of us have been there - seeing your ex with someone else. Exceedingly painful isn't it? It only really becomes easier when you yourself have moved on and built a new life for yourself, and that takes time. Be patient, it does get better. There is life, a much better one, after your ex. Go on YouTube and sing along to Gloria Gaynor's I WILL SURVIVE a few times. It's inspiring!
We were together for three years. Then he changed his mind, and told me to be just friends and said we can't marry, and now he is getting marry to an other girl.
He doesn't seem that happy, but when ever I see he is laughing with his fiance, I feel too sad.
I stop contacting him, but I see him in our club sometimes.
This feeling hurts me that I feel he is happy with his life after making me sad, and he knows I am sad. But he doesn't do anything.
He just said he is sorry for hurting me, and he said he can't bear the pain of guilt and he cried.
But I am still sad. His apologize didn't change my mood. Because I think if he was really sorry, he would never done such thing to us.
How can I cope with this pain of seeing him happy and do not suffer???
Thank you
Many of us have been there - seeing your ex with someone else. Exceedingly painful isn't it? It only really becomes easier when you yourself have moved on and built a new life for yourself, and that takes time. Be patient, it does get better. There is life, a much better one, after your ex. Go on YouTube and sing along to Gloria Gaynor's I WILL SURVIVE a few times. It's inspiring!
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
Am I capable of a serious relationship?
Diana says:
I am 20 years old and I have to admit that I honestly don't know what type of partner I would become. When I was in high school, I had a few immature relationships, but that was definitely not love. Then I met this guy, we were in a relationship for 2 years, but it wasn't healthy so I decided to end it. Ever since that serious relationship, I went back to the old "me" where I just went around date different guys, maybe had a few relationships, but my heart was never committed to them. I don't know exactly who I am and I don't know what is love (It's too abstract for me to interpret). My relationship stories are a ritual. First, I would feel something, then I thought I was in love so I stepped ahead, and then relationship, but it ALWAYS have a maximum amount of date (even before I had that serious relationship, I was like that). It always ends within a month or so, only that single guy passed 1 month.
I don't really know what's going on with me, and sometimes I'm well confused with my emotions. Eventually I don't want to trust my feelings anymore, because it's only temporary. I am an introverted extrovert. I am able to please people, to make people laugh, but I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I guess I have this trust issue for people in general, I communicate with my head more than interacting with others when it comes to difficulties. The relationships became extremely difficult for me because I always tend to rationalize everything, and I have this evil thing where I always have to test guys. (Like asking random questions and analyze their answers, or judge them based on their behavior).
In my past relationships, I was never the girl where I would depend on the guy, and to be honest, most guys I date were just too immature, dumb for me. I am not trying to downgrade men, but I just think I'm way to intellectual than most of them. I feel like I can never let my guard down, and I trust myself way too much so I doubt others (girls are another matter, I'm talking about men here). Once in a while, I would fancy a relationship with a man so that someone can accompany me, but this 'need' diminishes as the reality and facts hit. I really can't picture myself being with anyone, and days passed by, It's been four years since my last serious relationship. I know I'm still young, but I am well confused here, so please if anyone could answer these questions for me. Appreciate it!
Your problem is, never having been in love, or having no idea what it is or if it really exists, you don't really know what you want from a relationship.
You can pick up guys any time, but unfortunately, you can't choose love, love chooses you, at a time and place of its own choosing. Some folks never experience it.
However, none of these means there is anything wrong with you, and there is no rule that says a relationship must be serious and committed. In addition, from what you're saying, I don't think you're doing anything bad. If I guy can't keep your interest, then he just isn't "the one" - next please!
I really would just accept yourself as you are and continue to date guys on your own terms. But whatever you do or don't do, love isn't something you can schedule. And from experience, be careful what you wish for. True love is one hell of a roller-coaster.
I am 20 years old and I have to admit that I honestly don't know what type of partner I would become. When I was in high school, I had a few immature relationships, but that was definitely not love. Then I met this guy, we were in a relationship for 2 years, but it wasn't healthy so I decided to end it. Ever since that serious relationship, I went back to the old "me" where I just went around date different guys, maybe had a few relationships, but my heart was never committed to them. I don't know exactly who I am and I don't know what is love (It's too abstract for me to interpret). My relationship stories are a ritual. First, I would feel something, then I thought I was in love so I stepped ahead, and then relationship, but it ALWAYS have a maximum amount of date (even before I had that serious relationship, I was like that). It always ends within a month or so, only that single guy passed 1 month.
I don't really know what's going on with me, and sometimes I'm well confused with my emotions. Eventually I don't want to trust my feelings anymore, because it's only temporary. I am an introverted extrovert. I am able to please people, to make people laugh, but I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I guess I have this trust issue for people in general, I communicate with my head more than interacting with others when it comes to difficulties. The relationships became extremely difficult for me because I always tend to rationalize everything, and I have this evil thing where I always have to test guys. (Like asking random questions and analyze their answers, or judge them based on their behavior).
In my past relationships, I was never the girl where I would depend on the guy, and to be honest, most guys I date were just too immature, dumb for me. I am not trying to downgrade men, but I just think I'm way to intellectual than most of them. I feel like I can never let my guard down, and I trust myself way too much so I doubt others (girls are another matter, I'm talking about men here). Once in a while, I would fancy a relationship with a man so that someone can accompany me, but this 'need' diminishes as the reality and facts hit. I really can't picture myself being with anyone, and days passed by, It's been four years since my last serious relationship. I know I'm still young, but I am well confused here, so please if anyone could answer these questions for me. Appreciate it!
Your problem is, never having been in love, or having no idea what it is or if it really exists, you don't really know what you want from a relationship.
You can pick up guys any time, but unfortunately, you can't choose love, love chooses you, at a time and place of its own choosing. Some folks never experience it.
However, none of these means there is anything wrong with you, and there is no rule that says a relationship must be serious and committed. In addition, from what you're saying, I don't think you're doing anything bad. If I guy can't keep your interest, then he just isn't "the one" - next please!
I really would just accept yourself as you are and continue to date guys on your own terms. But whatever you do or don't do, love isn't something you can schedule. And from experience, be careful what you wish for. True love is one hell of a roller-coaster.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
How can I forgive myself?
fergiedoggy says:
I'm really upset and scaredHi all
I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low
I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached we were good friends and he helped me through a. Lot of personal stuff he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work they weren't getting in and she was this that etc
We began working together a lot and he was paying me compliments very charming Etc and sending me poems chatting to me for hours etc
I started falling for him and eventually we did kiss a few times
After that he became distant and cold and my confidence plummeted I didn't know what I'd done so I began calling and texting a lot
Last year he kept me at distance by text and would see me
Towards the end if last year he said my worrying and anxiety was getting too much and cut ties
I blamed myself and have tried 3 times since to see him at work and he's given me a final warning to stay away :(
I feel like one of those creepy stalkers and I'm not
Please help me forgive myself :(
What's going on here is that you fell for a guy who used you, and you tried to cling on to him for too long and now you feel guilty about the whole thing.
When we fall for someone, we're no longer fully in control of ourselves. We do and say things our logic and intuition would rather we didn't. EVERYBODY when put in the wrong situation is capable of doing the wrong thing.
It's time to forgive yourself. he led you on and played with your feelings in the first place. None of this makes you a bad person. Time to get your focus on right now. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. What you experienced makes you a slightly wiser and different person, so stop punishing yourself for being who you were. All the things we regret in life help us lead better lives now.
Also, be aware that just because guys show you kindness and affection doesn't mean they're nice right through to the core. Time to move on sweetheart.
I'm really upset and scaredHi all
I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low
I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached we were good friends and he helped me through a. Lot of personal stuff he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work they weren't getting in and she was this that etc
We began working together a lot and he was paying me compliments very charming Etc and sending me poems chatting to me for hours etc
I started falling for him and eventually we did kiss a few times
After that he became distant and cold and my confidence plummeted I didn't know what I'd done so I began calling and texting a lot
Last year he kept me at distance by text and would see me
Towards the end if last year he said my worrying and anxiety was getting too much and cut ties
I blamed myself and have tried 3 times since to see him at work and he's given me a final warning to stay away :(
I feel like one of those creepy stalkers and I'm not
Please help me forgive myself :(
What's going on here is that you fell for a guy who used you, and you tried to cling on to him for too long and now you feel guilty about the whole thing.
When we fall for someone, we're no longer fully in control of ourselves. We do and say things our logic and intuition would rather we didn't. EVERYBODY when put in the wrong situation is capable of doing the wrong thing.
It's time to forgive yourself. he led you on and played with your feelings in the first place. None of this makes you a bad person. Time to get your focus on right now. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. What you experienced makes you a slightly wiser and different person, so stop punishing yourself for being who you were. All the things we regret in life help us lead better lives now.
Also, be aware that just because guys show you kindness and affection doesn't mean they're nice right through to the core. Time to move on sweetheart.
Thursday, 13 February 2014
He doesn't seem to know what he wants
Future Author And Critic Says:
My ex and I broke up in early December. We had been together for almost 3 years. We broke up because I didn't realize that I was pushing him away (I didn't mean to). Then the day after we broke up he started to date some girl from his school. However, he had been cheating consistently on her with me for two months. Last month he was saying all of these things like he missed me, and that he loves me. But a few days ago he only said that stuff because he didn't want to lose me. I brought up how he lied to me and how it really hurt me because I still love him and he told me that he didn't know what he was doing?
What does that mean? And I know he didn't say those things just for sex because we agreed to have a friends with benefits relationship before he started saying those things. Is he just confused on what he wants because I accidentally pushed him away? I'm pretty sure he still loves me but he seems confused.
Greedy rather than confused might be a better word - this is a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it. I know you don't want to let him go, but if you want to hurt less in the long run, and keep your self-respect, ditch this immature individual right now.
He knows how to mess with your head and push your buttons, and the only way it will stop is for you to put yourself out of reach. Settle for nothing less than absolute loyalty, honesty and trust. This guy cannot and will never give you any of these. it will hurt and you will cry, but you'll cry a lot more and hurt a lot more if you let this go on.
My ex and I broke up in early December. We had been together for almost 3 years. We broke up because I didn't realize that I was pushing him away (I didn't mean to). Then the day after we broke up he started to date some girl from his school. However, he had been cheating consistently on her with me for two months. Last month he was saying all of these things like he missed me, and that he loves me. But a few days ago he only said that stuff because he didn't want to lose me. I brought up how he lied to me and how it really hurt me because I still love him and he told me that he didn't know what he was doing?
What does that mean? And I know he didn't say those things just for sex because we agreed to have a friends with benefits relationship before he started saying those things. Is he just confused on what he wants because I accidentally pushed him away? I'm pretty sure he still loves me but he seems confused.
Greedy rather than confused might be a better word - this is a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it. I know you don't want to let him go, but if you want to hurt less in the long run, and keep your self-respect, ditch this immature individual right now.
He knows how to mess with your head and push your buttons, and the only way it will stop is for you to put yourself out of reach. Settle for nothing less than absolute loyalty, honesty and trust. This guy cannot and will never give you any of these. it will hurt and you will cry, but you'll cry a lot more and hurt a lot more if you let this go on.
Why can't I make friends?
Kuni says:
.. I wouldn't say I'm unapproachable I'm just kinda quiet and look a little depressed at times but that's just me. I feel like ppl look down on me especially since there at times when I can't do my responsibilities as a class rep sometimes ppl judge me while when my other classmates did something wrong ppl joke it off and maintain good relationship idk what's wrong here:( I'm the kind of person that can't refuse ppl my classmates also use me and make me do things although we are very not close I just can't refuse and when I finish the work no one seems to care about me although I did it they care about the one that ordered me , really makes me feel depressed and unneeded. Always in class, I'm always there , alone . While everyone is within groups having discussions full of laughter. I realized I can't keep up conversations too when I approach others especially since my classmates are the popular types which swears etc I'm not this type I prefer talking life stuff.
So why???
Thanks!
Your issue is a simple one - LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You need to start believing in yourself. There's a very simple rule in psychology - whatever you keep thinking, you're going to get more of it! You need to shift your focus away from what you're not achieving and instead put it on something positive.
For example, you will have some kind of gift or talent, something you can do better than the average guy. Whatever that talent is, that's your destiny and fulfilment right there - you need to focus on it and the difference you can make with it. If you're not sure what you're good at, ask someone you respect to tell you.
You now need to do some research, firstly on ways to develop positive thinking and secondly how to develop your talent, so get Googleing! Once you realize what you're good at and what difference you want to make with it, you'll start to attract people who appreciate it and grow your own social circle.
Understand this - without self-belief there is only grief. Begin learning the discipline of positive thinking today!
.. I wouldn't say I'm unapproachable I'm just kinda quiet and look a little depressed at times but that's just me. I feel like ppl look down on me especially since there at times when I can't do my responsibilities as a class rep sometimes ppl judge me while when my other classmates did something wrong ppl joke it off and maintain good relationship idk what's wrong here:( I'm the kind of person that can't refuse ppl my classmates also use me and make me do things although we are very not close I just can't refuse and when I finish the work no one seems to care about me although I did it they care about the one that ordered me , really makes me feel depressed and unneeded. Always in class, I'm always there , alone . While everyone is within groups having discussions full of laughter. I realized I can't keep up conversations too when I approach others especially since my classmates are the popular types which swears etc I'm not this type I prefer talking life stuff.
So why???
Thanks!
Your issue is a simple one - LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You need to start believing in yourself. There's a very simple rule in psychology - whatever you keep thinking, you're going to get more of it! You need to shift your focus away from what you're not achieving and instead put it on something positive.
For example, you will have some kind of gift or talent, something you can do better than the average guy. Whatever that talent is, that's your destiny and fulfilment right there - you need to focus on it and the difference you can make with it. If you're not sure what you're good at, ask someone you respect to tell you.
You now need to do some research, firstly on ways to develop positive thinking and secondly how to develop your talent, so get Googleing! Once you realize what you're good at and what difference you want to make with it, you'll start to attract people who appreciate it and grow your own social circle.
Understand this - without self-belief there is only grief. Begin learning the discipline of positive thinking today!
Monday, 10 February 2014
I still think about her
Toys says:
Ever since I left Germany five years ago (at the age of nearly 16) and moved to England my life has been pretty much on the decline. Not academically but much more personally…I’m no longer the same person I once used to be.
I’ve been thinking about reasons for my emotional state and have come to the conclusion that I’m missing my friends…especially a specific girl. The way I left was not respectful and I have so many regrets because I didn’t appreciate what I had. These days I’m more of an individual…I don’t have anyone around me and often feel very lonely.
Recently I’ve been thinking that maybe I should visit the place for some ‘closure’ because I can’t continue living with myself with all these ‘thoughts’ swirling around in my head. I want to see them again (especially her) for the final time in my life and apologise for my wrongdoings.
Do you think that this is a good idea?
It’s not that I want to confess my love to her. A lot has changed in recent years so she probably has a partner but I just need to see her once again with my eyes.
The way you are looking at this is very sensible and reasonable. I understand your desire for "closure" but if you do this, you are taking a calculated risk - you might not get the response you were hoping for!
There's an old Tibetan proverb that says "when you lose, don't lose the lesson". I think it's time for you to stop beating yourself up about the past and move on, applying what you have learned to new situations. Otherwise you will just be stuck in a time-warp reliving past mistakes.
You are no longer that person, and neither are they - you have all moved on and gone separate ways. Accept this and start building a new life in England. Set yourself some achievable goals, work towards them and focus on making a difference now. We all have regret and loss in the past - stop letting it beat you up and start doing something positive where you are right now.
Ever since I left Germany five years ago (at the age of nearly 16) and moved to England my life has been pretty much on the decline. Not academically but much more personally…I’m no longer the same person I once used to be.
I’ve been thinking about reasons for my emotional state and have come to the conclusion that I’m missing my friends…especially a specific girl. The way I left was not respectful and I have so many regrets because I didn’t appreciate what I had. These days I’m more of an individual…I don’t have anyone around me and often feel very lonely.
Recently I’ve been thinking that maybe I should visit the place for some ‘closure’ because I can’t continue living with myself with all these ‘thoughts’ swirling around in my head. I want to see them again (especially her) for the final time in my life and apologise for my wrongdoings.
Do you think that this is a good idea?
It’s not that I want to confess my love to her. A lot has changed in recent years so she probably has a partner but I just need to see her once again with my eyes.
The way you are looking at this is very sensible and reasonable. I understand your desire for "closure" but if you do this, you are taking a calculated risk - you might not get the response you were hoping for!
There's an old Tibetan proverb that says "when you lose, don't lose the lesson". I think it's time for you to stop beating yourself up about the past and move on, applying what you have learned to new situations. Otherwise you will just be stuck in a time-warp reliving past mistakes.
You are no longer that person, and neither are they - you have all moved on and gone separate ways. Accept this and start building a new life in England. Set yourself some achievable goals, work towards them and focus on making a difference now. We all have regret and loss in the past - stop letting it beat you up and start doing something positive where you are right now.
Am I being abused?
Nita Robinson says:
I think I may be involved in something like this but i'm really not
sure. i have been with this man for several years and i am noticing
lately more and more that i am feeling very bad about myself. i thought
that when you were in a relationship you were to be able to talk about
anything - i sometimes share things about myself with him and it's like
he files it somewhere in the back of his head to use against me in a
negative way later. it hurts because i never do that to him. he says
he loves me more than anything and that nobody is ever going to love me
like he does. he is constantly telling me about myself, my behavior,
correcting me. some people say that verbal abuse is name calling,
putting down and stuff like that. but what he does hurts and he has
always said i'm too sensitive. and even after reading about emotional
manipulation i'm still not sure what it is
This is NOT love - this is control. Someone who loves you appreciates
you as you ARE, praises you, expresses gratitude and makes you feel
worthy. You are being abused, pure and simple, and I see a lot of this.
Get out and get out NOW. People WILL love you considerably better than
this man, who doesn't love you at all - he just wants a submissive to
control. The longer you put off making your escape, the worse it will
be. Seek help from women's groups if necessary, but don't waste another
minute.
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Possessive Mom
abcdefg says:
Well first things first i live with my mom and i help pay the bills..I would like to move out once i have a better job to support myself but i think my mom wants me to live with her for the rest of my life :( My sister mentioned that we should all live together to save money & i thought it was a great idea that way when i have my savings together i can move out & my mom wont be alone but my mom doesnt like that idea because she likes to have privacy(My sis has 2 kids) Idk what to do..What would you all do??
You have the right to live your own life. Your mother is NOT your responsibility, no matter what anyone says. Of course you can be concerned for her but the best way to help her is to be happy yourself, and if that means striking out on your own, then do so. If your mum loves you rather than is simply just clinging to you, she will let you go. Love never forces its own way. Live your life be free, whether mom likes that or not - it's YOUR life.
Well first things first i live with my mom and i help pay the bills..I would like to move out once i have a better job to support myself but i think my mom wants me to live with her for the rest of my life :( My sister mentioned that we should all live together to save money & i thought it was a great idea that way when i have my savings together i can move out & my mom wont be alone but my mom doesnt like that idea because she likes to have privacy(My sis has 2 kids) Idk what to do..What would you all do??
You have the right to live your own life. Your mother is NOT your responsibility, no matter what anyone says. Of course you can be concerned for her but the best way to help her is to be happy yourself, and if that means striking out on your own, then do so. If your mum loves you rather than is simply just clinging to you, she will let you go. Love never forces its own way. Live your life be free, whether mom likes that or not - it's YOUR life.
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