A massage turned into something more

Graham says:
My gf gave me approval to get a happy ending massage, assuming it would be a HJ, but the girl gave me a BJ instead (with a condom). Did that turn a non-cheating event into a cheating event?
And before anyone asks, I'd be okay with her getting a fingered happy ending massage, or being played with a toy, but regarding the condom *******, she couldn't have an oral happy ending without actually exchanging fluids with someone, so I'm not sure how I'd feel. 

If you both want sex, what's the problem? If you want a sexual relationship of any kind, it DOES involve the exchanging of body fluids - you've done that already if you've kissed her. You're really having sex already and just splitting hairs over what sex means. If you're a Christian who's taken The Pledge, you've broken it already. If you're not, allow the joy of sex to fulfill your relationship, using proper contraception. 

My boyfriend can't stay hard

Yoo says:

We have been having sex for 2.5 years now. He takes a while to finish, which is awesome for me. He also has to take breaks now and then to jerk off and re-harden, which I understand is normal and I never minded.

But for the past few weeks, he has been unusually... Unhard. He can barely keep it hard for long at all. I understand this probably isn't his fault, and I always tell him sex was awesome. I suspected that he may be stressed because the problem started around when he started a new overnight job, so his sleeping schedule is way off.

What do you think this could be? How can I help this situation? 

 

You have not mentioned his age, which would be useful. However Erectile Dysfunction can happen at any age. There are many possible causes but age itself is the main one. It can occur at 30+ but is more common at 40+ and very common at 50+ - and I should know! It's embarrassing and upsetting for a man when it first happens, but very common. The cheap simple solution to try first is Sildenafil - generic Viagra.

 

I am having sex with my cousin

Anonymous says:
Me and my cousin were like siblings - we grew up together and did the most amazing things. I am 17 he is 20 - we have so many things in common - we are both athletic, he works at gym we do gym together but a week ago we started having sex after a conversation about the girls he dated and sexual staff. He is my first - I was virgin and I must say that I love this! I am in love with him but its so wrong - I mean its my own blood! I feel shame but I can't say no to him - he is gorgeous and I am mad for him..our family have learned about it and are shocked but that doesn't stop us and I feel terrible.. 

In most places cousins having a sexual relationship is not illegal and its certainly not unusual. You are not genetically close enough to be categorized as incestuous. There is a slight elevated risk of deformity to any children however - that may be something you wish to discuss with each other.

Regarding the relationship itself, if it's working for you, I see nothing wrong. Carry on loving each other whatever anyone else thinks or says - it's THEIR problem.

I got dumped after just two weeks! Was I too sexual?

Raynan says:
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think? 

One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.

When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.

When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere. 

Will this pic of me turn him on?

Susan says:
My bf is away for 5 mths and i'll like to send him something that he can "use". Yet, i want to keep things subtle n i don't want it to circulate online and so I've cut my face out.
Will this work? Do you think it is arousing enough? Is it good enough for him to w*ank to?
http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=adkBqYNLltu4%2Fb9B5BC%2BJYh4l5k2TGxc#.U6vyL4kazCQ

Wouldn't it be a better idea if you asked HIM want kinda picture would turn him on? You see everyone has their own personal "taste". If you want your relationship to last you need to talk about what turns each other on - openly and frankly! The idea is great and couples forced apart do this all the time, but it's with each other you need to be discussing it! 

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

Our sex life is difficult

Ryan says
When I first had sex with my girlfriend it was her first time - we had anal sex. She was in great pain when I first put it in. I'm not sure now whether she wanted it too or I pressured her. She wasn't very comfortable with me trying to put my dick in. Somehow a red patch of blood appeared and we assumed it was the hymen and we checked her vagina. I could put two fingers in and she just froze there for about an hour and then she started crying uncontrollably and kept saying' "I have lost my virginity! I'm no longer a virgin!" she was distraught. 

After that, we had vaginal sex. Sometimes, she would tear during sex and whenever she had sex with me she would just gaze into my eyes but wouldn't get aroused or anything like that. And suddenly she would just throw me a hug and tell me ' I love you please don't ever leave me'. On another occasion she had her period but I didn't care and still wanted it. She didn't want to but she allowed it. On another occasion, we had sex but she didn't look in the mood and I ticked her off. Whenever we had sex, prior to that, we never had any discussion. 

Good news is from what I can gather is that your seem to want to be together and care about each other so that's something to build on. But you've both got a lot to learn about sex and communication.
She desperately wants to please you and is trying way too hard. You need to reassure her that you are not going to leave her just because she's not in the mood occasionally, and you must show that by not pushing for it even when you're horny. Insist that you only want sex if she does. A good discreet fap on a regular basis will help you be more sensitive to her and stop your libido getting in the way.
She will need lots of cuddles and hugs that don't need to lead to sex to reassure her. Also learn to give her massages - again without leading to sex. This is a very good way of finding out how she likes to be touched and what she doesn't like. Then, when you do have sex, you will do will be able to make her feel good. Sex will be much better if she's highly aroused rather than just desperate to keep you.
It's great that you've started discussing things. Keep doing that and your relationship will grow stronger.

I'm still a virgin at 21!

Steven says:
I'm 21 and to be completely honest it just really doesn't work out - I've tried everything.. but for real is it a bad thing.. like do girls think of me as a lesser person because of it?

I was a virgin until I was 23 so you're by no means alone - there are plenty of twentysomething virgins out there.

I can absolutely and categorically say that there is someone for everyone, and sooner or later you will meet her. Every girl, like every guy is a unique individual with a unique perspective. One gal would find a particular guy revolting while another would find the same guy fabulous.

You don't need to impress all womankind, just the one right for you.

I would seriously consider investing in a subscription to reputable dating website. It takes all the luck and guesswork out of the equation and will generally speed things up. My best friend found his wife through a dating agency.

Of course I've assumed here that you are after sexual romance. If you just want sex, you need to look for a different kind of website! "Escorts" in the long run are much cheaper than romances but not as emotionally fulfilling of course.

Does thinking someone else during sex mean cheating?

Gold Finger says
I love her but sometimes i can't keep myself from thinking about someone else while sexing with her. Is this normal?
 
Any man who claims never to have done this is a liar! Plenty of women do this too btw. It doesn't really matter if the relationship is warm and loving and the sex mutually satisfying. But don't ruin things by telling her straight afterwards!

I have questions about sex

Georgia says:
I'm 18, and I'm a virgin. I plan to stay that way for a while for several reasons. But right now, I have several sex questions that honestly I just can't ask my parents because they'll think I'm sexually active or something.
First, how do I get over the fear of sex? Right now, the idea seems crazy and scary. Second, does it hurt the first time for girls? I know how sex works, and quite frankly, it sounds really painful.. Third, how do you know what to do when it happens? Do instincts just take over, or do you have to learn? That's it for right now. If you could answer my questions without being rude, I would really appreciate it! 

First question is do you really want sex or a sexual relationship? Could you happily live a lifetime without one? If the answer is NO to the first question and YES to the second, you may be asexual - a genuine sexual orientation.
If you like the idea of sex, your fear will be overcome by a very caring sensitive man or by a therapist who will get to the root of your fear and help you overcome it.
There aren't any rules about what you do in sex - the short answer is whatever feels nice. This takes some trial-and-error and experimentation.
The first time may hurt as your hymen is ruptured but some girls only have flimsy ones or even none, so there's no pain. However it WILL hurt if you are not fully sexually aroused first and the man just shoves in his penis all the way straight away. The right guy who is gentle and caring is absolutely crucial to a good first-time experience.
By the way I was a virgin until I was 23 so you are no freak!

Is he into me or not?

Olivia says:
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :) 

If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.

Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.

Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.

Is this kind of relationship wrong?

Anonymous Says:
To enter a fwb or F*** buddy agreement because that's what you want even though you are aware the other party could potentially become attached? Is this selfish? Should you avoid this situation or is there something you could do to prevent that attachment forming maybe like discussing the terms or something beforehand?


It is always a risky business. Such relationships/arrangements are almost always very temporary as people inevitably change and want something more or something else. However, this doesn't make them wrong if it suits both of you. Go into his with your eyes open. There is a high risk of it ending badly and it almost certainly won't last that long, but it's your choice.

What does it mean when my boyfriend masturbates thinking about another girl that likes him?

Alexis says
I just want to understand why he would do that. I wouldn't care if it had been to a celebrity. But he masturbated to a girl that likes him. It's not some random girl. I'm upset but I want to understand all he's told me is he thinks she's pretty and he's checked her out. It hurts and I don't know what I should do.

His honesty with you is in one sense a good sign. Generally, even happily committed men fantasize about women all the time - that's the nature of men. However, so openly fantasizing about someone in reach is a bit much for any girl to take.

Your first option is to dump him on the spot. That is the safest if you don't want to be hurt badly.

The second option is establish a line. Firstly tell him you don't want to hear about his fantasies with other women you both know and at the first hint of a genuine flirt with another woman, he's out. If he can't keep this discipline you were never going to keep him anyway.

It's good that he's open and honest, but that's useless to you if he can't keep his penis in his pants.  

Why can't guys stay loyal?

Anonymous says:
I mean seriously I don't understand you immature, pathetic, disgusting, cold heated guys who cheat, in the end you will be lonely, no girl wants a cheater. I'm just so curious as to why it so easy for guys to cheat. You know what if you fell for another chick how bout you do the right thing and break up with your gf then be with the other girl instead of cheat on your gf. In life I believe you will never be satisfied if you constantly try to look for better, how bout trying this stay with one for life like I don't understand, work issues out, just DON'T CHEAT.
You never realise what you have till it's gone. 

In the first place, be reassured that we are not ALL like that.

Of course a lot of guys are. This is because male sexuality is fundamentally different. Females are the ones who have the babies. Therefore, female sexuality is based on the best scenario for a child - a strong committed single individual. Males are driven by genes that want to spread their seed as far and wide as possible. Females grant sex as an honour, men grasp it as a prize! Females have sex to get relationships, men have relationships to get sex.

That said, there is far more to a person than their sexuality. A good strong man is capable (up to a point) of controlling his sexuality for the one that he loves. That is he kind of man you are looking for. 

My boyfriend has no penis!

Cat says:
Well like yesterday me and my "male" partner wanted to have sex, but unfortunately when I removed his trousers, he did not seem to have any form of dick down there. I am genuinely confused and I don't know what to do.
Should I talk to him or maybe run away? I honestly have no idea. 

There are several possible explanations, but why are you asking us and not him/her? That's where all the answers are! Since this question is already out there, the most likely explanation is that he is transgender, a girl genetically who psychologically is male.

Why do young people have sex so soon?

Sammi says:
Just wanted to get some views. Basically found out yesterday my 15year old sis has had sex. Now i can't judge because I two first had sex at 15, but the difference is I had a lot more crap going on and my bf at the time, made out he'd take me away from it all and love me forever blah blah, soon disappeared after and I wasn't in a good place to make a mature decision, just did it. Now there's 8years difference between us and I always hoped and talk to her about just waiting til 16 so she's a bit more mature and knows everything about sex and protection, brief detail, never promoted it. But she's done the same.
Why are children ranging from 12-15yrs having sex. I have a 2yr old daughter and I'm now worried that in the long future, is my daughter to going to be having sex young? Is it the schools fault for poor sex education or the parents? Are the friends they hang around with, encouraging it or promoting it as the cool thing to be doing as soon as possible? In the uk the law says 16 is the legal age to have sex and work, just like 17 to drive, 18 to drink. I've always thought 16 was young, sex affects you with out you realising at that age, I remember just feeling empty after, like oh that's all he wanted from me. It's happened now and I hope my sis had a better experience and never regrets it, but now it's the part of possible young pregnancy and I think that scares me more, don't want that for her or to consider abortion, you know what I mean, sex complicates everything if your not mature enough to deal with it like an adult. Yeh it's fun, and I was stupid when I was younger but is this society in the next decade still going to see an increase of under age sex, young pregnancies and more abortions due to this, or kids from broken homes, in foster care? More children on benefits because their not even legal to work yet and then have to claim for the rest of their life because they don't have qualifications as couldn't finish high school? It's just shocking and worrying now. You can see now in the 21st century, kids just don't stay kids and want to be adults straight away. But how do we slow them down and make them see being a child is a great thing and goes too quickly, you spend your whole life being an adult, it's boring! Sex is every where so I will talk to my kids at an appropriate age, but what's that age? I'm not one of those people, I have a health view on sex and will hopefully make sure my kids do too. 'm just asking.

If a teen wants to have sex, there's not a lot you can do to stop it directly. We can however help the situation a lot by providing lots of free non-judgemental help, education, advice and support, so they are fully aware of the consequences and the different mindsets of boys and girls, which basically boil down to this: boys have relationships to get sex, and girls have sex to get relationships.

This gives a shrewd girl a degree of power - she can set the terms, time and place. Boys who use the "you would if you love me" tactic can be responded with "if you love me you'll wait until I'm ready". On a practical note, any girl having unprotected sex needs in the first instance to get the morning after pill, and secondly get herself tested for chlamydia and HIV.

Guys and girls who are better informed and understand each other will make better decisions, but there will always be fools.  

Why wouldn't she do this in bed?

Ygnrt says:
Women when having sex have to feel comfortable around you. At least that is what I was told. Why do some girls take forever to feel comfortable around a guy? Is it have to do with trust? In one of my past relationships which lasted 5 years my ex would get upset when I would ask her to do a certain thing to me. For 4 years she always said she would, but she never did and that was a lie. She obviously didn't feel comfy enough with me. She supposedly loved me and went into depression after I dumped her. But if she loved me so much why didn't she feel comfy enough and trust me?
I am just curious what goes through a woman's head. When they say they need to feel comfortable around a guy to do things. 

If the specific activity was that important to you, you were clearly with the wrong woman! Having said that, you have more to learn about sexual relationships.

All relationships are about compromise. Inevitably in bed, you will both have different preferences. If one of yours is clearly repulsive to the other, you then have a decision to make. How much do you love her? If you love her, you will not force her or even put pressure on her to do something she hates - you will sacrifice that preference in order to keep her.

Everyone is unique, and what is sexy to one is disgusting to another - it's nothing to do with how comfortable you are in a relationship, but purely to do with what you like. I suspect that she was comfortable with you, but not with what you wanted to do.

Please understand that sexual relationships are not about you getting your way - it's about giving as well as getting pleasure. You can't give pleasure if she hates what you're doing. If you are not sexually compatible, or you are not prepared to compromise, the relationship is doomed from the start. 

I'm 16 and want to get laid

Francisco says;
I'm good at hooking up, ive hooked we 6 girls in the last year. One of them was 25, but what I need is to get laid. Now, how do I go from just hooking up to actual sex?

You don't NEED to get laid, you WANT to get laid. Nothing awful will happen to you if you don't. I was 23 and my Son who is 18 still hasn't, because he's fussy! That's despite having a permanent coke bottle down his pants like most young men have.

That said, if you want to, and you meet a girl who wants to with you, I see no harm in that, so long as you practice safe sex. If you're with a girl who likes you for long enough, it's almost inevitable. Be patient, be kind, be gentle, be helpful, make her laugh and appreciate her intellectual and emotional qualities - don't just tell her she's got great ****.

And finally, when you go from one "base" to another ask her permission first! Respect her wishes and feelings, and all things *** to those who are patient but persistent.  

My best friend's new girlfriend worries me

Peter says:
Hello, my friend has recently started dating this girl who seems to be nice etc. but she is in for something else. She said to him that she wants to be treated as a **** and she doesn't mind doing what he wants. He told me that because he has not been with a girl like that yet and wonders if he should stay with her. She does talk to him a lot she texts him etc I saw that, she also calls him often and wants to hang out with him. I also heard from her best friend ( my friend doesn't know this yet) that she doesn't really care about what he thinks, as long as he has sex with her she doesn't care. ( I don't know if they did it yet or not) idk why her friend told me this? I wonder how long could they last like that?
Thanks for any answers. 

It's difficult to tell from where you are. Some girls are highly sexed and like to be dominated - that is a perfectly legitimate preference. But whatever her motive I don't see how it's any of your business. It is your friend, not you that is in the relationship and whatever happens is between them. You should only intervene in other relationships if you believe one of them is in mortal danger. I understand that you care about your friend, but you really do need to stay out of this. 

Should I have sex with him?

Alexis says:
We dated earlier this year but broke up soon after because it was awkward since we were best friends before that.. Well awhile later we started talking about having a one night stand, and he said he really wanted to have sex with me.. I didn't know what to say.
He is wanting to hang out friday, and go back to his house. He told me his parents are out of town and he wants me to stay the night. What do I do?
I'm a virgin, and I mean I don't really mind being one but I kind of want to lose my virginity.
Should I sleep with him? It would be an one night stand..

This is a simple one. You are now at the age of consent. Do you consent? Meaning, is this what you want? Only your heart knows the answer! A good thing is that you clearly know the score before you decide. Be aware that the first time is not always the best, unless you're lucky enough to have a partner who is skilled and sensitive. It must be your choice and yours alone.