Nicholas says:
I'm 19 and in college. My ex recently came back like two months ago and
she wants us to be together again because last time we broke up because I
thought she and I could do better (two years back.) anyways, I was
told when you truly love someone you love everything about them
including their flaws.. But the thing is her flaws disturb me. At the
same time I don't think I can do better. I've had girls talk about
me and such but my social skills are below zero. So should I just try
to build up my confidence and social skills and speak to new people or
should I just accept her for who she is and just go with it.
Not unusual for a 19 year old, you have self-esteem issues and are
worried that this girl is the best you're going to get. To quote
Madonna's song Respect Yourself - "Second best is never enough, you'll
do much better baby on your own!" This is good advice. There is someone
for everyone. Hold out for her, whoever and whenever she turns out to be
and don't go with someone who you're not completely comfortable with.
Showing posts with label self-belief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-belief. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
I fancy my tattoo artist
Sue says
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
I'm really shy!
Shannon says
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I need help splitting up with someone I care about
SueFitz77 says
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
Men, could you fall in love with a woman even if she wasn't pretty?
Charlene says:
...if she had a lovely personality, sweet, caring, funny, just all round perfect, lovely person? I know that, as a woman, I would absolutely fall in love with a man like this.
There are plenty of men who would, particularly as they get older and have a wider perspective. There is someone for everyone. We can't all be Brad and Angelina and we don't need to be happy.
...if she had a lovely personality, sweet, caring, funny, just all round perfect, lovely person? I know that, as a woman, I would absolutely fall in love with a man like this.
There are plenty of men who would, particularly as they get older and have a wider perspective. There is someone for everyone. We can't all be Brad and Angelina and we don't need to be happy.
Sunday, 25 May 2014
This guy confuses me
RainbowCloud28 says
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Should I leave my boyfriend now or wait?
Shel says:
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Am I pretty or ugly?
Neru says:
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
Please be honest! https://www.flickr.com/photos/124449183@N02/
If you need the approval of others for how you look, you're going to have a very unhappy life. You are neither hideous nor Shilpa Shetty - you are average like most of us. This means that some will find you attractive and some won't. If you want to be happy it's very important that you have the right attitude - which is this: if you like me I will raise my glass, and if you don't you can kiss my ***! If you want to be really attractive, learn how to be confident. Confidence is sexy!
He's changed
Carissa says:
There's this guy that I've been really good friends with for a while and we recently started partying together, and like three weeks ago we were coming home from a party and I knew he wanted me because he had his hands all over me and I was laying on him but i didn't want to do anything because we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want it to be awkward between us. But last week Saturday we had a really intense make out session and we were completely sober and he walked me home after and it was really cute. But we went back to school on Monday and his face normally lights up when he sees me and he gives me a hug and all that but he didn't do that and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't even know what to do. I'm not sure if I like him and want a relationship but im certain I want my friend back and I don't know how to go about it. We're both 17 btw
Guys are usually not good at expressing their feelings so the initiative will have to come from you. You need the courage to ask him what's wrong and tell him you don't want to lose his friendship. Be brave and good luck.
There's this guy that I've been really good friends with for a while and we recently started partying together, and like three weeks ago we were coming home from a party and I knew he wanted me because he had his hands all over me and I was laying on him but i didn't want to do anything because we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want it to be awkward between us. But last week Saturday we had a really intense make out session and we were completely sober and he walked me home after and it was really cute. But we went back to school on Monday and his face normally lights up when he sees me and he gives me a hug and all that but he didn't do that and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't even know what to do. I'm not sure if I like him and want a relationship but im certain I want my friend back and I don't know how to go about it. We're both 17 btw
Guys are usually not good at expressing their feelings so the initiative will have to come from you. You need the courage to ask him what's wrong and tell him you don't want to lose his friendship. Be brave and good luck.
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
I want to commit suicide
Anonymous says
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.
You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
I can't bear to see my ex with his fiancee!
Lucia says:
We were together for three years. Then he changed his mind, and told me to be just friends and said we can't marry, and now he is getting marry to an other girl.
He doesn't seem that happy, but when ever I see he is laughing with his fiance, I feel too sad.
I stop contacting him, but I see him in our club sometimes.
This feeling hurts me that I feel he is happy with his life after making me sad, and he knows I am sad. But he doesn't do anything.
He just said he is sorry for hurting me, and he said he can't bear the pain of guilt and he cried.
But I am still sad. His apologize didn't change my mood. Because I think if he was really sorry, he would never done such thing to us.
How can I cope with this pain of seeing him happy and do not suffer???
Thank you
Many of us have been there - seeing your ex with someone else. Exceedingly painful isn't it? It only really becomes easier when you yourself have moved on and built a new life for yourself, and that takes time. Be patient, it does get better. There is life, a much better one, after your ex. Go on YouTube and sing along to Gloria Gaynor's I WILL SURVIVE a few times. It's inspiring!
We were together for three years. Then he changed his mind, and told me to be just friends and said we can't marry, and now he is getting marry to an other girl.
He doesn't seem that happy, but when ever I see he is laughing with his fiance, I feel too sad.
I stop contacting him, but I see him in our club sometimes.
This feeling hurts me that I feel he is happy with his life after making me sad, and he knows I am sad. But he doesn't do anything.
He just said he is sorry for hurting me, and he said he can't bear the pain of guilt and he cried.
But I am still sad. His apologize didn't change my mood. Because I think if he was really sorry, he would never done such thing to us.
How can I cope with this pain of seeing him happy and do not suffer???
Thank you
Many of us have been there - seeing your ex with someone else. Exceedingly painful isn't it? It only really becomes easier when you yourself have moved on and built a new life for yourself, and that takes time. Be patient, it does get better. There is life, a much better one, after your ex. Go on YouTube and sing along to Gloria Gaynor's I WILL SURVIVE a few times. It's inspiring!
I'm worried that I will never find love
Soniya says:
I hate the disparity between the sexes…a confident, attractive and successful woman of 34 is scared that she will never find love but a 40+ man almost always knows there are several options for him even women as young as 30-35 will want him..
how can a lady improve her chances? please don't say compromise..since we all want a partner we are attracted to and compatible with..
for example, I am attracted to taller (5.9) and above, good looking guys with good personality and decent work…since i offer the same..
I strongly recommend joining a dating site/agency. It would cut out all the "hoping the right one turns up" and would be well worth the cost, allowing you to pick and choose potential candidates. My best friend met his wife through such an agency.
I hate the disparity between the sexes…a confident, attractive and successful woman of 34 is scared that she will never find love but a 40+ man almost always knows there are several options for him even women as young as 30-35 will want him..
how can a lady improve her chances? please don't say compromise..since we all want a partner we are attracted to and compatible with..
for example, I am attracted to taller (5.9) and above, good looking guys with good personality and decent work…since i offer the same..
I strongly recommend joining a dating site/agency. It would cut out all the "hoping the right one turns up" and would be well worth the cost, allowing you to pick and choose potential candidates. My best friend met his wife through such an agency.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
Why am I so jealous?!
Elle says:
I have this guy friend and we are very close but he is 3 years older than me and we are in highschool. I like him and have a huge crush on him but I am just a friend to him. Recently another friend of mine (female) met this guy, she is one year older than me. This friend ahas a boyfriend but yesterday she told me she liked him. It was at school and I started to feel sick and sad. Today at school she said he knows she likes him and she thinks he likes her too. I was also unwell today so I went home at lunch. I got home and my female friend messaged me that she and my crush walked home together and it was funny (me and my guy friend usually walk home together) she is talking about him a lot and I feel very jealous. I don't even want to like him. I feel angry and sad and sick to my stomach about this stupid boy. Why do I have to be so jealous?!?
Your problem is that boys and girls can't really be friends if one secretly has the hots for the other. You did what was the expedient thing rather than the best thing and now you're paying the price for that. There is still time for you to take one of two options. The best thing requires both courage and ruthlessness - to tell him how you really feel and always felt. Whatever happens, everyone will understand each other.
The other option is to accept you missed your chance, let him go and keep him at arm's length, and if he asks why, be straight with him.- you can't be his friend when you want to be his lover. This is a textbook case of what happens when you take what seems to be the easiest path - it just makes things harder!
When you feel something, you can't deny it because it's inconvenient. People are not motivated by logic, but by desire! You have now learned this the hard way. Make your play or back away.
I have this guy friend and we are very close but he is 3 years older than me and we are in highschool. I like him and have a huge crush on him but I am just a friend to him. Recently another friend of mine (female) met this guy, she is one year older than me. This friend ahas a boyfriend but yesterday she told me she liked him. It was at school and I started to feel sick and sad. Today at school she said he knows she likes him and she thinks he likes her too. I was also unwell today so I went home at lunch. I got home and my female friend messaged me that she and my crush walked home together and it was funny (me and my guy friend usually walk home together) she is talking about him a lot and I feel very jealous. I don't even want to like him. I feel angry and sad and sick to my stomach about this stupid boy. Why do I have to be so jealous?!?
Your problem is that boys and girls can't really be friends if one secretly has the hots for the other. You did what was the expedient thing rather than the best thing and now you're paying the price for that. There is still time for you to take one of two options. The best thing requires both courage and ruthlessness - to tell him how you really feel and always felt. Whatever happens, everyone will understand each other.
The other option is to accept you missed your chance, let him go and keep him at arm's length, and if he asks why, be straight with him.- you can't be his friend when you want to be his lover. This is a textbook case of what happens when you take what seems to be the easiest path - it just makes things harder!
When you feel something, you can't deny it because it's inconvenient. People are not motivated by logic, but by desire! You have now learned this the hard way. Make your play or back away.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
How can I forgive myself?
fergiedoggy says:
I'm really upset and scaredHi all
I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low
I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached we were good friends and he helped me through a. Lot of personal stuff he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work they weren't getting in and she was this that etc
We began working together a lot and he was paying me compliments very charming Etc and sending me poems chatting to me for hours etc
I started falling for him and eventually we did kiss a few times
After that he became distant and cold and my confidence plummeted I didn't know what I'd done so I began calling and texting a lot
Last year he kept me at distance by text and would see me
Towards the end if last year he said my worrying and anxiety was getting too much and cut ties
I blamed myself and have tried 3 times since to see him at work and he's given me a final warning to stay away :(
I feel like one of those creepy stalkers and I'm not
Please help me forgive myself :(
What's going on here is that you fell for a guy who used you, and you tried to cling on to him for too long and now you feel guilty about the whole thing.
When we fall for someone, we're no longer fully in control of ourselves. We do and say things our logic and intuition would rather we didn't. EVERYBODY when put in the wrong situation is capable of doing the wrong thing.
It's time to forgive yourself. he led you on and played with your feelings in the first place. None of this makes you a bad person. Time to get your focus on right now. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. What you experienced makes you a slightly wiser and different person, so stop punishing yourself for being who you were. All the things we regret in life help us lead better lives now.
Also, be aware that just because guys show you kindness and affection doesn't mean they're nice right through to the core. Time to move on sweetheart.
I'm really upset and scaredHi all
I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low
I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached we were good friends and he helped me through a. Lot of personal stuff he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work they weren't getting in and she was this that etc
We began working together a lot and he was paying me compliments very charming Etc and sending me poems chatting to me for hours etc
I started falling for him and eventually we did kiss a few times
After that he became distant and cold and my confidence plummeted I didn't know what I'd done so I began calling and texting a lot
Last year he kept me at distance by text and would see me
Towards the end if last year he said my worrying and anxiety was getting too much and cut ties
I blamed myself and have tried 3 times since to see him at work and he's given me a final warning to stay away :(
I feel like one of those creepy stalkers and I'm not
Please help me forgive myself :(
What's going on here is that you fell for a guy who used you, and you tried to cling on to him for too long and now you feel guilty about the whole thing.
When we fall for someone, we're no longer fully in control of ourselves. We do and say things our logic and intuition would rather we didn't. EVERYBODY when put in the wrong situation is capable of doing the wrong thing.
It's time to forgive yourself. he led you on and played with your feelings in the first place. None of this makes you a bad person. Time to get your focus on right now. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. What you experienced makes you a slightly wiser and different person, so stop punishing yourself for being who you were. All the things we regret in life help us lead better lives now.
Also, be aware that just because guys show you kindness and affection doesn't mean they're nice right through to the core. Time to move on sweetheart.
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Why can't I make friends?
Kuni says:
.. I wouldn't say I'm unapproachable I'm just kinda quiet and look a little depressed at times but that's just me. I feel like ppl look down on me especially since there at times when I can't do my responsibilities as a class rep sometimes ppl judge me while when my other classmates did something wrong ppl joke it off and maintain good relationship idk what's wrong here:( I'm the kind of person that can't refuse ppl my classmates also use me and make me do things although we are very not close I just can't refuse and when I finish the work no one seems to care about me although I did it they care about the one that ordered me , really makes me feel depressed and unneeded. Always in class, I'm always there , alone . While everyone is within groups having discussions full of laughter. I realized I can't keep up conversations too when I approach others especially since my classmates are the popular types which swears etc I'm not this type I prefer talking life stuff.
So why???
Thanks!
Your issue is a simple one - LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You need to start believing in yourself. There's a very simple rule in psychology - whatever you keep thinking, you're going to get more of it! You need to shift your focus away from what you're not achieving and instead put it on something positive.
For example, you will have some kind of gift or talent, something you can do better than the average guy. Whatever that talent is, that's your destiny and fulfilment right there - you need to focus on it and the difference you can make with it. If you're not sure what you're good at, ask someone you respect to tell you.
You now need to do some research, firstly on ways to develop positive thinking and secondly how to develop your talent, so get Googleing! Once you realize what you're good at and what difference you want to make with it, you'll start to attract people who appreciate it and grow your own social circle.
Understand this - without self-belief there is only grief. Begin learning the discipline of positive thinking today!
.. I wouldn't say I'm unapproachable I'm just kinda quiet and look a little depressed at times but that's just me. I feel like ppl look down on me especially since there at times when I can't do my responsibilities as a class rep sometimes ppl judge me while when my other classmates did something wrong ppl joke it off and maintain good relationship idk what's wrong here:( I'm the kind of person that can't refuse ppl my classmates also use me and make me do things although we are very not close I just can't refuse and when I finish the work no one seems to care about me although I did it they care about the one that ordered me , really makes me feel depressed and unneeded. Always in class, I'm always there , alone . While everyone is within groups having discussions full of laughter. I realized I can't keep up conversations too when I approach others especially since my classmates are the popular types which swears etc I'm not this type I prefer talking life stuff.
So why???
Thanks!
Your issue is a simple one - LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You need to start believing in yourself. There's a very simple rule in psychology - whatever you keep thinking, you're going to get more of it! You need to shift your focus away from what you're not achieving and instead put it on something positive.
For example, you will have some kind of gift or talent, something you can do better than the average guy. Whatever that talent is, that's your destiny and fulfilment right there - you need to focus on it and the difference you can make with it. If you're not sure what you're good at, ask someone you respect to tell you.
You now need to do some research, firstly on ways to develop positive thinking and secondly how to develop your talent, so get Googleing! Once you realize what you're good at and what difference you want to make with it, you'll start to attract people who appreciate it and grow your own social circle.
Understand this - without self-belief there is only grief. Begin learning the discipline of positive thinking today!
Monday, 10 February 2014
I still think about her
Toys says:
Ever since I left Germany five years ago (at the age of nearly 16) and moved to England my life has been pretty much on the decline. Not academically but much more personally…I’m no longer the same person I once used to be.
I’ve been thinking about reasons for my emotional state and have come to the conclusion that I’m missing my friends…especially a specific girl. The way I left was not respectful and I have so many regrets because I didn’t appreciate what I had. These days I’m more of an individual…I don’t have anyone around me and often feel very lonely.
Recently I’ve been thinking that maybe I should visit the place for some ‘closure’ because I can’t continue living with myself with all these ‘thoughts’ swirling around in my head. I want to see them again (especially her) for the final time in my life and apologise for my wrongdoings.
Do you think that this is a good idea?
It’s not that I want to confess my love to her. A lot has changed in recent years so she probably has a partner but I just need to see her once again with my eyes.
The way you are looking at this is very sensible and reasonable. I understand your desire for "closure" but if you do this, you are taking a calculated risk - you might not get the response you were hoping for!
There's an old Tibetan proverb that says "when you lose, don't lose the lesson". I think it's time for you to stop beating yourself up about the past and move on, applying what you have learned to new situations. Otherwise you will just be stuck in a time-warp reliving past mistakes.
You are no longer that person, and neither are they - you have all moved on and gone separate ways. Accept this and start building a new life in England. Set yourself some achievable goals, work towards them and focus on making a difference now. We all have regret and loss in the past - stop letting it beat you up and start doing something positive where you are right now.
Ever since I left Germany five years ago (at the age of nearly 16) and moved to England my life has been pretty much on the decline. Not academically but much more personally…I’m no longer the same person I once used to be.
I’ve been thinking about reasons for my emotional state and have come to the conclusion that I’m missing my friends…especially a specific girl. The way I left was not respectful and I have so many regrets because I didn’t appreciate what I had. These days I’m more of an individual…I don’t have anyone around me and often feel very lonely.
Recently I’ve been thinking that maybe I should visit the place for some ‘closure’ because I can’t continue living with myself with all these ‘thoughts’ swirling around in my head. I want to see them again (especially her) for the final time in my life and apologise for my wrongdoings.
Do you think that this is a good idea?
It’s not that I want to confess my love to her. A lot has changed in recent years so she probably has a partner but I just need to see her once again with my eyes.
The way you are looking at this is very sensible and reasonable. I understand your desire for "closure" but if you do this, you are taking a calculated risk - you might not get the response you were hoping for!
There's an old Tibetan proverb that says "when you lose, don't lose the lesson". I think it's time for you to stop beating yourself up about the past and move on, applying what you have learned to new situations. Otherwise you will just be stuck in a time-warp reliving past mistakes.
You are no longer that person, and neither are they - you have all moved on and gone separate ways. Accept this and start building a new life in England. Set yourself some achievable goals, work towards them and focus on making a difference now. We all have regret and loss in the past - stop letting it beat you up and start doing something positive where you are right now.
Thursday, 6 February 2014
I slept with my best friend's brother
Jesse says:
I really like my best friend even tho he has a girlfriend, I don't try to break them up or anything. But before they got together I told him I had feelings for him, but he had just got out of a relationship like a week before when I told him. He's a shy guy, and gets embarrassed over everything especially in front of me. He still flirts with me & touches my legs and stuff and stares at me in class & always smiles at me. Were super close. He told me to sleep with his older brother, and idid. After that, he got kinda sad I noticed. But yet he told me to do it.. I mean I know I don't have a chance since he has a girlfriend. Our friendship is still the same.. But why does he do This?! He's giving me so many mixed emotions. I know I need to move on but I'm stuck.
I really like my best friend even tho he has a girlfriend, I don't try to break them up or anything. But before they got together I told him I had feelings for him, but he had just got out of a relationship like a week before when I told him. He's a shy guy, and gets embarrassed over everything especially in front of me. He still flirts with me & touches my legs and stuff and stares at me in class & always smiles at me. Were super close. He told me to sleep with his older brother, and idid. After that, he got kinda sad I noticed. But yet he told me to do it.. I mean I know I don't have a chance since he has a girlfriend. Our friendship is still the same.. But why does he do This?! He's giving me so many mixed emotions. I know I need to move on but I'm stuck.
You sound like two people who don't have the balls to disappoint other
people and get what they really want, which is each other. Somebody here
needs to start being decisive. I think you know it was a mistake to
sleep with his brother because it's not what you actually wanted and has
only complicated matters.
If you still want this guy then grow a pair and tell him how you feel and see if he's got the balls to make a clear choice. Take anything other than you right now as a no and move on. In future, bear in mind that sometimes you have to disappoint and frankly defeat the competition if you want to be happy and fulfill your heart's desire. Grow yourself some courage and decide for yourself who sleep with, not as suggested by anyone else.
If you still want this guy then grow a pair and tell him how you feel and see if he's got the balls to make a clear choice. Take anything other than you right now as a no and move on. In future, bear in mind that sometimes you have to disappoint and frankly defeat the competition if you want to be happy and fulfill your heart's desire. Grow yourself some courage and decide for yourself who sleep with, not as suggested by anyone else.
Will I EVER get a girlfriend?
Bigsmoke23 says:
I tried to call this girl today but my call just rang once and then went straight to voicemail saying that the number was busy. I also have trouble sending her texts and iMessage doesn't work. So I think she has blocked me. I feel so sad because when we first met it seemed like we got on really well. I cant see myself ever having a girlfriend as I am already nearly 24. I feel awful every time I get rejected and it sucks. How do I move on from these negative experiences and have hope for the future?
There really is someone for everyone - the trouble is finding them! She is definitely out there somewhere! Two things you must do - firstly NEVER GIVE UP no matter how painful rejection is, just move on. Secondly I would join a reputable dating agency. This takes all the luck and guesswork out of meeting someone, and although it will cost you money, it will be worth it, besides which, if you want a girlfriend, I can tell you they're expensive anyway!
I tried to call this girl today but my call just rang once and then went straight to voicemail saying that the number was busy. I also have trouble sending her texts and iMessage doesn't work. So I think she has blocked me. I feel so sad because when we first met it seemed like we got on really well. I cant see myself ever having a girlfriend as I am already nearly 24. I feel awful every time I get rejected and it sucks. How do I move on from these negative experiences and have hope for the future?
There really is someone for everyone - the trouble is finding them! She is definitely out there somewhere! Two things you must do - firstly NEVER GIVE UP no matter how painful rejection is, just move on. Secondly I would join a reputable dating agency. This takes all the luck and guesswork out of meeting someone, and although it will cost you money, it will be worth it, besides which, if you want a girlfriend, I can tell you they're expensive anyway!
Friday, 31 January 2014
He remarried and gave my half-sister my name!
Lynda Dixon says:
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,??
It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.
Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.
Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.
Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,??
It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.
Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.
Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.
Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
How can I make my parents realize?
Jen says:
I'm struggling - i am me and yet not fully myself because my parents always said I should be this, that, whatever! I'mm sick of it because its not me! I'm trying to convince them that I might be this or that, but they are always all "no, no, no, bad idea"! I don't want what they want me to be! I want to be who I wanna be - I feel like I'm a prisoner! I've always felt like this since I was a little girl.
Now I'm starting to open myself more. I'm in my second year in college and coming home twice a year. Please help!
Speaking as one who is estranged from his parents I know how you feel. Your not imagining it, your parents ARE being unreasonable. They should love you and support you from who you are and who you want to be. Unfortunately you cannot make your parents realize, you can only go on doing your thing and hope that one day your parents accept it. And if they never do, you still did the right thing. You must always be true to yourself.
I'm struggling - i am me and yet not fully myself because my parents always said I should be this, that, whatever! I'mm sick of it because its not me! I'm trying to convince them that I might be this or that, but they are always all "no, no, no, bad idea"! I don't want what they want me to be! I want to be who I wanna be - I feel like I'm a prisoner! I've always felt like this since I was a little girl.
Now I'm starting to open myself more. I'm in my second year in college and coming home twice a year. Please help!
Speaking as one who is estranged from his parents I know how you feel. Your not imagining it, your parents ARE being unreasonable. They should love you and support you from who you are and who you want to be. Unfortunately you cannot make your parents realize, you can only go on doing your thing and hope that one day your parents accept it. And if they never do, you still did the right thing. You must always be true to yourself.
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