Alexander says:
I'm thinking of telling my crush of 4 years how I feel about her and it
will be certain rejection and I don't really like looking sad in front
of her because she will try to cheer me up by making me laugh and stuff
but I don't want her to do that because what if I cry or something? How
can I not look sad or even cry? (Yeah I'm sensitive guy, but only when
it comes to her).
This is a very common dilemma - you don't want to ruin a great
friendship by telling her how you feel. But you are living a lie! It
ISN'T a great friendship at all, just torture for you having what you
can't have right in your face. This cannot go on. Tell her how you feel,
and if what you expect happens, move on to other friendships and other
relationships. That will be much better than what you're doing now.
Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 July 2014
Does she want my buddy or me?
Mercury says:
This girl I like at work would find weird ways to put herself around me all the time. Like take the same breaks as me and meet me in certain places she knew I'd be at certain times. Sometimes I feel like she likes my buddy too. I feel like she started taking the stairs out to the parking lot every afternoon after he started which is the way he goes. Instead of taking the elevator.
Although I remember seeing her walk the elevator way before he came I can't really remember what she did usually. Now that he's gone she's still taking the stairs so I don't know if she was doing this to run into him or what??
Maybe she got tired of you making no move! It's not too late to ask her out, but why didn't you do that when she was giving you every opportunity? If you like her, show the balls you haven't shown up to now.
This girl I like at work would find weird ways to put herself around me all the time. Like take the same breaks as me and meet me in certain places she knew I'd be at certain times. Sometimes I feel like she likes my buddy too. I feel like she started taking the stairs out to the parking lot every afternoon after he started which is the way he goes. Instead of taking the elevator.
Although I remember seeing her walk the elevator way before he came I can't really remember what she did usually. Now that he's gone she's still taking the stairs so I don't know if she was doing this to run into him or what??
Maybe she got tired of you making no move! It's not too late to ask her out, but why didn't you do that when she was giving you every opportunity? If you like her, show the balls you haven't shown up to now.
Thursday, 26 June 2014
I can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do...?
Damian says:
There's this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her. She liked me and we texted for a while. She wanted to go on dates with me but I ignored her when I liked her, idk why. The last conversation we had, I stopped replying. We haven't talked in a few weeks but it's like I can't shake the thought of her. I'm thinking about her way too much, and I almost feel like she is too at that same moment. I feel like we had a connection. I don't know what to do it's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night, and when I think about her, I get this feeling in my gut like she's right there with me
Time for courage. Time to get in touch and tell her that the biggest mistake you ever made was ignoring her. Tell her you think she's utterly gorgeous and you'd love the chance to treat her like a princess. You might succeed, you might fail, but either is better than a lifetime wondering "what if"
There's this girl, and I can't stop thinking about her. She liked me and we texted for a while. She wanted to go on dates with me but I ignored her when I liked her, idk why. The last conversation we had, I stopped replying. We haven't talked in a few weeks but it's like I can't shake the thought of her. I'm thinking about her way too much, and I almost feel like she is too at that same moment. I feel like we had a connection. I don't know what to do it's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night, and when I think about her, I get this feeling in my gut like she's right there with me
Time for courage. Time to get in touch and tell her that the biggest mistake you ever made was ignoring her. Tell her you think she's utterly gorgeous and you'd love the chance to treat her like a princess. You might succeed, you might fail, but either is better than a lifetime wondering "what if"
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
I caught my husband online with his ex
Trinity says:
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc.
But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?
Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.
They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect.....
You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.
It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.
It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.
My husband and I have been married for about a year and 5 months. I wasn't on facebook at the time but I just recently joined. My husband has been on it for a while. So yesterday I was logging on and his page was pulled up with a message box open and it was his EX that broke us up when I was pregnant with his child because we had problems all thru my pregnancy where he wouldn't come around etc.
But we are finally married and she messages him out of the blue giving him her number. I got mad about it and confronted him. He's mad at me saying I should not have messaged her asking why she gave him her number and I should not be mad. I was mad because this was an EX and I saw how they went on dates behind my back ,would send naked picts and all that and all.
How should I have responded to this situation yahoo community? Should I have acted like I didn't see it? or confronted a different way ?
Do I have a right to be mad? I felt disrespected, and like they thought I was stupid.
They girl said she saw that we were married but still thought it was okay to message him and try to reconnect.....
You're not imagining it - this is a highly unreasonable attitude from the pair of them. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You were absolutely right to confront the pair of them. And it is absolutely NOT alright for them to conduct any sort of communication behind your back.
It's time for an ultimatum. He can break all contact with her, or all contact with YOU. If he refuses, the message is absolutely clear - HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED. Do you wish to continue in a marriage with a partner who is not prepared to give up on another woman for you, and is prepared to use deceit to keep seeing her? If there is no trust there is no relationship, only a dysfunctional mess.
It's better if it comes to it to admit you chose a guy not worthy of you rather than face a lifetime of being lied to. Stand your ground, even if that costs the marriage.
I am trapped in a very unhappy marriage!
JustCurious says:
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Long story short I am in a very unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. We've been married for 8 years and have two young daughters (6 and 2). I grew up in a broken home, never saw my father and I don't want that for my children.
Unfortunately I don't think he's leaving me much of a choice at this point. 9 months into our marriage he had a drunken one night stand. I forgave, promises were made, none of which were kept and I should have walked but I was a hope junkie, thinking we could weather the storm.
Throughout these 8 years it's been a roller coaster of him binging three or four times a month, doing something stupid and selfish (like cheating again and getting arrested) and me forgiving him. In between all of this we had another child and his behavior seemed to get worse after her birth. He is impatient, judgemental, verbally and emotionally cruel.
There have been numerous times throughout our relationship that I have needed to seek medical attention (gallbladder attack, Norovirus, premature labor @32 weeks) and he's never been there for me. He says that I am the problem, if only I were kinder to him, thinner, a better cook, took better care of our children...etc etc.
Yet I find myself constantly assuring him that I will never leave him, that I don't believe in divorce, that I don't want our kids growing up like we did. There is a war in my soul because I want so badly to be free but I don't want the pain that's going to come with divorce. I really could use some advice?
Your choice is very clear - you can be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness to someone who neither appreciates it nor deserves it, or you can be honest with yourself, admit you made a big mistake, admit you made promises you should never have made and get the hell out of there.
One thing is absolutely certain - he's not going to get any better. Are you honestly prepared to accept him as he is, and be blamed for being the problem?
I understand how you desperately wanted to avoid imposing a breakup on your children, but bringing them up in a dysfunctional nightmare is a far worse option. Having decided to bring children into the world, your absolute priority must be their best interest. You cannot possibly bring them up well if your are desperately unhappy.
I am afraid that you have a lot more suffering to come whether or not you divorce, but at least a divorce offers you afresh start at some point in the future. In that future, set high standards for any man who comes near you and insist that what it takes to get you, it takes to keep you - loneliness is better than the hell of the wrong guy.
Finally reach out for as much support as you can get in the months and years to come, you're going to need it!
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
I fancy my tattoo artist
Sue says
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
We have another session coming up very soon. He doesn't have any social media so I can't talk to him on there. I guess it's unprofessional for him to give me his number or anything.
I really like him! I'm attracted to him and we get on well. He makes me laugh. I think he may have felt the same way, maybe. What do I do? I'm too nervous to ask him out myself. Help me!
The reality is you will HAVE TO find the courage to ask him out if you want anything to happen. He is a professional and has a professional relationship with you. The big cardinal rule no1 of any professional is that you do NOT make a move on your clients. His reputation hangs on his professional distance - so there is NO WAY he can ask you out.
So it's down to you - feel the fear and do it anyway! The pain of rejection will pass if he says no, and there are other tattoo artists. But the pain of cowardice will torment you forever if you give in to it. So what will it be - courage or cowardice?
Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship
John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important
Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
Friday, 30 May 2014
How do I ask this girl out?
Dude says
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
Ok, so this may seem a little complicated, but I really like this girl and want to ask her out. We do not know each other too well. Essentially she is my good friend's sister, but he really wants me to go out with her as he sees me as an upstanding guy. So he totally approves. I just do not know how to even go about asking her out? I don't even have her number. We must about 2-3 years ago and one could tell we both liked each other a little, but I am just a wimp when it comes to girls. How can I go about this? Please, please help!?
Thank you so much!! :)
You're right - you are making this complicated and it isn't. What you're really looking for is a way to get with her free of risk, awkwardness and embarrassment. Let me save you some time and head-scratching - THERE IS NO SUCH WAY.
Feel the fear of failure, feel the awkwardness, embarrassment AND ASK HER OUT ANYWAY. Since you have access to her brother, finding out her contact details will be no hard task. Your line is simple - "Forgive me for being so bold, but I think you are lovely and I'd be most honoured if you would go on a date with me."
All of life is about taking risks. Sometimes those risks pay off, more often they don't and you burn. But every time you burn, you learn. So keep failing, keep burning, keep taking risks because THAT'S how people get successful. Burning feels better than cowardice any day. Stop procrastinating and go to it. And good luck!
btw Girls like guys who've got a little courage.
I'm still a virgin at 21!
Steven says:
I'm 21 and to be completely honest it just really doesn't work out - I've tried everything.. but for real is it a bad thing.. like do girls think of me as a lesser person because of it?
I'm 21 and to be completely honest it just really doesn't work out - I've tried everything.. but for real is it a bad thing.. like do girls think of me as a lesser person because of it?
I was a virgin until I was 23 so you're by no means alone - there are plenty of twentysomething virgins out there.
I can absolutely and categorically say that there is someone for everyone, and sooner or later you will meet her. Every girl, like every guy is a unique individual with a unique perspective. One gal would find a particular guy revolting while another would find the same guy fabulous.
You don't need to impress all womankind, just the one right for you.
I would seriously consider investing in a subscription to reputable dating website. It takes all the luck and guesswork out of the equation and will generally speed things up. My best friend found his wife through a dating agency.
Of course I've assumed here that you are after sexual romance. If you just want sex, you need to look for a different kind of website! "Escorts" in the long run are much cheaper than romances but not as emotionally fulfilling of course.
I can absolutely and categorically say that there is someone for everyone, and sooner or later you will meet her. Every girl, like every guy is a unique individual with a unique perspective. One gal would find a particular guy revolting while another would find the same guy fabulous.
You don't need to impress all womankind, just the one right for you.
I would seriously consider investing in a subscription to reputable dating website. It takes all the luck and guesswork out of the equation and will generally speed things up. My best friend found his wife through a dating agency.
Of course I've assumed here that you are after sexual romance. If you just want sex, you need to look for a different kind of website! "Escorts" in the long run are much cheaper than romances but not as emotionally fulfilling of course.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
How do I know if he likes me?
Skye says:
How do I know if a guy likes me or not ?? He is quite flirtatious but I cant tell if its just him being a guy or if he actually likes me!
We'd all love to read minds - it would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? We'd all like to know who fancies us and who doesn't. Unfortunately issues and the fear of rejection gets in the way. Short answer then is - you CAN'T know. Neither is there a formula response to this sort of situation.
All you can do is ask yourself some questions:
Do I fancy HIM?
If so, who do I expect to make the first move?
If it's him, how can I make it easy for him to ask me out?
How long am I prepared to wait?
Welcome to romance - it's a challenging game!
How do I know if a guy likes me or not ?? He is quite flirtatious but I cant tell if its just him being a guy or if he actually likes me!
We'd all love to read minds - it would make things a lot easier wouldn't it? We'd all like to know who fancies us and who doesn't. Unfortunately issues and the fear of rejection gets in the way. Short answer then is - you CAN'T know. Neither is there a formula response to this sort of situation.
All you can do is ask yourself some questions:
Do I fancy HIM?
If so, who do I expect to make the first move?
If it's him, how can I make it easy for him to ask me out?
How long am I prepared to wait?
Welcome to romance - it's a challenging game!
I'm really shy!
Shannon says
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I'm really shy, I have a mild case of social anxiety and I don't cope well in awkward situations. I'm meant to be meeting some guys this afternoon but I'm so nervous. what do I do?
Bad news first - no one can wave a magic wand and make your shyness disappear. It takes time and positive experiences to build up confidence. The good news is that often people do grow out of it as they find their place, discover what they're good at and make a difference with it.
Courage tends to feed on itself - once you've done one brave thing, it's easier to do another one. But remember courage is not being fearless, it's feeling fear and doing it anyway. So be brave and meet the guys and take it from there. WARNING if you're going to be the only girl there with a bunch of guys, DON'T GO, that is unsafe. Be brave but not foolish.
There is lots of free information and advice online, not to mention lots of books on shyness, so start Googleing and do some research.
I need help splitting up with someone I care about
SueFitz77 says
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
My partner is my ex husband, we decided to give it another go about 18 months ago. I live with him again also. I did have my own flat, but had to give it up when I lost my job as I could no longer afford it, I moved back to my parents house, but as we started seeing each other more, I ended up staying at his all the time. I don't go around telling people we're back together. I have kind of hidden myself away again because of him. I left him and divorced him for various reasons and I always said I wouldnt go back to him, I enjoyed my freedom, I could be me again and I loved that. Anyway we did get back and now I feel that I have gone round in a circle and I am now back to where I was when we were married, I have put on alot of weight again (I lost alot when we broke up & I liked myself) and now I don't really see my family and friends as much any more because he does not like them. I even spent xmas dinner away from them and I was on limited time when I did go round and see them because of him.
He is great at being manipulative, but he can be very loving and caring at the same time. But our relationship to me is just like a friendship, I can not have sex with him it makes me feel sick. I can not talk to him, becasue of the way he makes me feel when I do try. I just dont know what to do, I will feel guilty if I just leave. I am not a strong person any more like I used to be. I tend to bury my head in the sand with things, I feel like I am stuck :-( Any ideas?
Time for courage. Just go, preferably when he's not around. You don't have to discuss it with him, and it wouldn't change him anyway. you could also get someone to help you move out for moral support.
What's NOT going to happen is for the SAS to burst in and whisk you away in a helicopter. No one is coming to save you - you must save yourself. However sweet he can be, he's bad for you and you need to get away from him. His feelings are his problem not yours. The bottom line is you no longer desire him. That is reason enough.
Whatever guilt or fear you may feel, do this anyway. It's courage or enslavement - the choice is that simple.
Ex won't leave me alone!
Anonymous says:
He's a bad person, he's done a lot of mental harm to me and I want nothing to do with him.
He always has a way to keep me associated with him. He tells people about how we were together and why we broke up. He accidentally contacts me. He tries to get involved with people who were my so called 'friends'. I want him out of my life? I saw him other day and he stared directly at me and then A week before that be 'accidently ' called me.
How do I get him out of my life? Don't even want to associated with this asshole no more!!
This is sadly a combination of male ego, revenge and power-tripping. I come across this sort of psychological warfare all the time. There are three things you must do. Firstly name and shame him to EVERYBODY on social media. Secondly, if you an afford it or can get help, apply for a restraining order on this individual, making it illegal for him to contact you. Thirdly, keep all evidence of his contact with you, taking photographs, recordings and keeping messages and e-mails so you can file a valid complaint to the Police.
He's not going to go away just because you want him to, so you are going to have to fight. Good luck.
He's a bad person, he's done a lot of mental harm to me and I want nothing to do with him.
He always has a way to keep me associated with him. He tells people about how we were together and why we broke up. He accidentally contacts me. He tries to get involved with people who were my so called 'friends'. I want him out of my life? I saw him other day and he stared directly at me and then A week before that be 'accidently ' called me.
How do I get him out of my life? Don't even want to associated with this asshole no more!!
This is sadly a combination of male ego, revenge and power-tripping. I come across this sort of psychological warfare all the time. There are three things you must do. Firstly name and shame him to EVERYBODY on social media. Secondly, if you an afford it or can get help, apply for a restraining order on this individual, making it illegal for him to contact you. Thirdly, keep all evidence of his contact with you, taking photographs, recordings and keeping messages and e-mails so you can file a valid complaint to the Police.
He's not going to go away just because you want him to, so you are going to have to fight. Good luck.
Sunday, 25 May 2014
This guy confuses me
RainbowCloud28 says
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Me and this guy have been talking for about 3 months. He suddenly ignores me, so I broke communication with him. He comes to me and says he misses me then when I message him he does not reply. He gets me so frustrated because he confuses me so much. Someone please tell what I should do or what is going on because I obviously can never get anything out of him.
This guy is getting off on messing with your head - it's a power trip. Next time he comes round saying how great you are, treat him with the contempt he deserves. If you're going to be seduced, let it be by a guy who's more interested in you than his own ego.
Have I lost my chance?
James says:
I'm 17 and there is this girl in one of my lessons, we had barely spoke before last week but she started talking to me for no reason. Today she was sat talking with a group of her friends but when I walked in the class and sat on a different table she came and sat with me and started talking to me. Our class had an exam today and I decided to walk down early and she walked down with me even though her friends were still in the class. We were sat talking for quite a while, just the two of us even though she had friends at the other end of the corridor, before the exam started. After the exam had finished she was talking to her friends but when I walked out of the hall she came to talk to me. Does this sounds like she likes me or is she just being friendly?
The reason I am asking is because I have never had a girlfriend before and I like her but I am unsure if she likes me.
The next time I will see her will be in 2 weeks. Will this be too long to wait or could I still have a chance? Have I blown any chance or will it be ok to wait 2 weeks?
You'll find out soon enough. Success in dating requires two important qualities - courage and persistence. What holds guys back is the fear of rejection. Rather than face the risk, they don't do anything at all. When you see her again, tell her how lovely she is and you'd be honoured if she went on a date with you. Yes she might say no or even worse leave you hanging with a "maybe" (take that as a no) and you will feel bad, but you would feel worse being a coward.
Keep asking girls long enough, you'll learn to do it better by experience, but remember everyone is a little different. Believe me I know all about failure in many fields, but you know what? - I'm no longer afraid of it. I either succeed or I learn something. Hang on in there and make your move in two weeks.
I'm 17 and there is this girl in one of my lessons, we had barely spoke before last week but she started talking to me for no reason. Today she was sat talking with a group of her friends but when I walked in the class and sat on a different table she came and sat with me and started talking to me. Our class had an exam today and I decided to walk down early and she walked down with me even though her friends were still in the class. We were sat talking for quite a while, just the two of us even though she had friends at the other end of the corridor, before the exam started. After the exam had finished she was talking to her friends but when I walked out of the hall she came to talk to me. Does this sounds like she likes me or is she just being friendly?
The reason I am asking is because I have never had a girlfriend before and I like her but I am unsure if she likes me.
The next time I will see her will be in 2 weeks. Will this be too long to wait or could I still have a chance? Have I blown any chance or will it be ok to wait 2 weeks?
You'll find out soon enough. Success in dating requires two important qualities - courage and persistence. What holds guys back is the fear of rejection. Rather than face the risk, they don't do anything at all. When you see her again, tell her how lovely she is and you'd be honoured if she went on a date with you. Yes she might say no or even worse leave you hanging with a "maybe" (take that as a no) and you will feel bad, but you would feel worse being a coward.
Keep asking girls long enough, you'll learn to do it better by experience, but remember everyone is a little different. Believe me I know all about failure in many fields, but you know what? - I'm no longer afraid of it. I either succeed or I learn something. Hang on in there and make your move in two weeks.
Should I leave my boyfriend now or wait?
Shel says:
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
I'm a 23 year old American woman, my boyfriend is a 25 year old South Korean. We have been together for 6 months. He is going back to South Korea over the summer and transferring to uni in the fall, so he won't be coming back to the same state. We have discussed how difficult it will be when he goes back to Seoul but decided it would be worth it to stick it out. When he comes back to the U.S. he won't be too terribly far away so we planned to see each other every other weekend.
Things have changed. We had a discussion the other night and came to the conclusion that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and that for him this relationship is just for fun and not really serious. Obviously I feel differently but at the same time I'm not sure if I should just let it go now, or wait the 3 weeks for him to leave and hold out for the inevitable break up I know is coming from his side.
He's going to a different college and will be meeting tons of new people. If he really doesn't have any investment in me as he says, then there really is no reason for him to not find someone else. Long distance is hard but if there is no emotional investment on his side I don't think it will work.
What should I do?
What you should have done was to dump him on the spot the moment he said he wasn't committed to you. Since you already know how this ends, you are simply wasting time. The sooner you make the break, the sooner you can mourn for the relationship and ultimately move on to someone else. Breakups are never easy but the pain of them will be made worse by putting it off. Muster your courage and make the break now. You are worth more than being someone's temporary comfort girl.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Am I wanted or friend-zoned?
Mermaidsienna says:
There is this guy...he always talks to me, says hello, asks me how I am, what I got up to on the weekend etc..
We used to talk on facebook too and he wanted to know my type of guy and he thought I was mysterious.
When I wasn't feeling well he walked me to my class and would keep popping up through the day which I thought was cute.
There was a day he kept popping up around me a couple of times and when we said bye at the end of class day he beat me to the bus stop which never happens and I saw him and said 'how did you get here so fast?' and he laughed.
He is good looking, popular with lots of the girls etc but is still single.
Then recently I used my car to drive to the shops during break time and he asked if I could give him a ride which I did and he said thanks and made this comment- 'I will try to find you again later' whatever that means haha.
Now even though he is caring towards me does that mean he likes me or has he friend-zoned me?
Well if he just wants be friends he's going way beyond the call of duty. This guy almost certainly wants you, but charming and caring as he is, he's a little short on courage, because he hasn't asked you out. You therefore have three options:
You can wait until he finally does
You can drop some very heavy hints (guys don't get subtle ones) that you would say yes if asked
You could ask HIM out.
He may not be so brave but he does seem a gentleman and that's not so common, so a relationship is certainly worth pursuing. If I was you I'd make him do at least some work and expect to be asked, but make it clear he's on a winner if he does.
There is this guy...he always talks to me, says hello, asks me how I am, what I got up to on the weekend etc..
We used to talk on facebook too and he wanted to know my type of guy and he thought I was mysterious.
When I wasn't feeling well he walked me to my class and would keep popping up through the day which I thought was cute.
There was a day he kept popping up around me a couple of times and when we said bye at the end of class day he beat me to the bus stop which never happens and I saw him and said 'how did you get here so fast?' and he laughed.
He is good looking, popular with lots of the girls etc but is still single.
Then recently I used my car to drive to the shops during break time and he asked if I could give him a ride which I did and he said thanks and made this comment- 'I will try to find you again later' whatever that means haha.
Now even though he is caring towards me does that mean he likes me or has he friend-zoned me?
Well if he just wants be friends he's going way beyond the call of duty. This guy almost certainly wants you, but charming and caring as he is, he's a little short on courage, because he hasn't asked you out. You therefore have three options:
You can wait until he finally does
You can drop some very heavy hints (guys don't get subtle ones) that you would say yes if asked
You could ask HIM out.
He may not be so brave but he does seem a gentleman and that's not so common, so a relationship is certainly worth pursuing. If I was you I'd make him do at least some work and expect to be asked, but make it clear he's on a winner if he does.
Can I stop my Mother In Law hating me?
Amy says:
My fiance and I met in 2003 when we were teenagers, I was 17 and he was 19. We are now adults I am 28 and he is 30 so its been 11 years. My mother in law has never really liked me in fact she has always hated me. Partly cause my parents are lower class and recovering drug addicts.She has told me numerous times that because of who they are, or were, that she see's me as not good enough for her son.
My father in law used to always kinda kept her in check. There were occasions when she offered to buy her son a house if he left me or would go long periods of time without speaking to him because he refused to break up with me. In 2010/11 we actually did break up for 10 months because of family pressure and it causing us strain.
My fiance broke down without me and turned to drugs, I shut down socially and kinda just kept to myself and my family. We got back together cause we honestly we belong together. I got him to get clean which his mother knows. Anyway a few months after he got clean his father became sick and I got pregnant.
We uprooted and moved back near his family to help them out cause his father had cancer and where we were we had no help or support with a child. I actually dropped out of college and he left a great job. I stayed with his dad during the day while everyone worked and helped out around the house as much as I could. My mother in law was starting to take out her frustration with the whole situation on us.
You gave been incredibly forgiving and tolerant with this truly ghastly woman, and big respect to you for making every effort to win her over. Unfortunately you have failed. If you were going to win her over, you would have done it already.
Unfortunately other people often carry a bucket load of issues that were there long before you ever came along. You are not responsible for any of these issues or another persons inability to be reasonable. In an ideal world, once your Father In Law has passed on, the ideal move would be to rid your marriage of this malign influence for good. However that requires your husband to agree.
At the very least, keep this woman at arm's length - you have wasted enough time already trying to win an approval that will never come.
My fiance and I met in 2003 when we were teenagers, I was 17 and he was 19. We are now adults I am 28 and he is 30 so its been 11 years. My mother in law has never really liked me in fact she has always hated me. Partly cause my parents are lower class and recovering drug addicts.She has told me numerous times that because of who they are, or were, that she see's me as not good enough for her son.
My father in law used to always kinda kept her in check. There were occasions when she offered to buy her son a house if he left me or would go long periods of time without speaking to him because he refused to break up with me. In 2010/11 we actually did break up for 10 months because of family pressure and it causing us strain.
My fiance broke down without me and turned to drugs, I shut down socially and kinda just kept to myself and my family. We got back together cause we honestly we belong together. I got him to get clean which his mother knows. Anyway a few months after he got clean his father became sick and I got pregnant.
We uprooted and moved back near his family to help them out cause his father had cancer and where we were we had no help or support with a child. I actually dropped out of college and he left a great job. I stayed with his dad during the day while everyone worked and helped out around the house as much as I could. My mother in law was starting to take out her frustration with the whole situation on us.
You gave been incredibly forgiving and tolerant with this truly ghastly woman, and big respect to you for making every effort to win her over. Unfortunately you have failed. If you were going to win her over, you would have done it already.
Unfortunately other people often carry a bucket load of issues that were there long before you ever came along. You are not responsible for any of these issues or another persons inability to be reasonable. In an ideal world, once your Father In Law has passed on, the ideal move would be to rid your marriage of this malign influence for good. However that requires your husband to agree.
At the very least, keep this woman at arm's length - you have wasted enough time already trying to win an approval that will never come.
Is he into me or not?
Olivia says:
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
For 3 months, Ive been talking to this guy and we went on a few dates. While texting he uses lots of winky faces and :-* he'll ask about my day and how I'm doing - he's the first to initiate texts.
During our dates we have heavy make out sessions and sometimes dry hump but hasnt gone further. (I was blunt with him and asked if he had a condom but he didnt so we said next time we will) On dates he's touchy like holds my hand and etc but hasnt asked me to be his gf so its kinda confusing what we are. he's complimented me on my confidence and we have a teasing kinda relationship but realize that he sometimes likes other girls pictures on ig/fb
We used to text each other every day but now its only a few times a week..what do you think is he into me or not?
Just wanted another opinion :)
If you're serious about wanting a relationship with this guy you need to up your terms. It seems to be you were fully prepared to have sex and expect no commitment. If a casual encounter is what you want, that's fine but if it's a relationship, you need to use that confidence of yours to get a little respect. That means you only have sex with a committed boyfriend, loyal to you alone.
Even guys who are happily committed like "window shopping" - which is harmless enough so long as his hands stay by his side and penis stays in pants (or in his own hand) when you're not around. However this is an aside on the nature of men in general.
Show some self-respect, sister! If he doesn't ask you out, or you're not prepared to ask HIM out, wait for a guy that has the courage and commitment to want to be yours alone.
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