Paula says:
He has a new gf, but he still stares at me and if he happens to be near me, gets so angry. Before we ended stuff, he was super happy and so sweet. Now he acts like
a monster. If he's in a relationship, shouldn't he be happy??? I mean,
he shows her off to the world cuz he thinks she's "hot".
You have badly hurt him and he can't get over it. But that's his problem
not yours - you've both moved on. Whether you deserve it or whether you
don't, you can't change what's in someone else's head. Simply stay away
from the guy as much as you can, avoid eye contact when you do see him,
and live your own life the best way you can.
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 July 2014
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Should I forgive him or dump him?
Kassiia says;
My bf went on another girls fb everyday, sometimes even 3 times a day. This was happening for about 4 months! Then I caught him and he stopped and he even blocked her for me. They never talked, I know that for sure. But should I break up with him? Or let it go? He said he only did that because he thought she was good looking.
But he would never be interested in a girl like her (she is the definition of a slut). btw my bf is a shy guy and I know he would NEVER cheat. But it just bugs me how he kept looking at her profile soooo much!!!! We have been dating for 3 years!!! And he doesn't even talk to other girls. HE HAS NEVER TALKED TO THIS GIRL, otherwise I would never forgive him. I need mature answers btw
You have really answered your own question. After doing something wrong, he did everything to put it right. Men are very tempted by highly sexual women but the bottom line is he was only tempted.
Forgiveness is essential in any relationship. Of course, if he did it again, that would be another matter. As it stands, show the same mercy you would like to be shown if you unintentionally had hurt him instead.
My bf went on another girls fb everyday, sometimes even 3 times a day. This was happening for about 4 months! Then I caught him and he stopped and he even blocked her for me. They never talked, I know that for sure. But should I break up with him? Or let it go? He said he only did that because he thought she was good looking.
But he would never be interested in a girl like her (she is the definition of a slut). btw my bf is a shy guy and I know he would NEVER cheat. But it just bugs me how he kept looking at her profile soooo much!!!! We have been dating for 3 years!!! And he doesn't even talk to other girls. HE HAS NEVER TALKED TO THIS GIRL, otherwise I would never forgive him. I need mature answers btw
You have really answered your own question. After doing something wrong, he did everything to put it right. Men are very tempted by highly sexual women but the bottom line is he was only tempted.
Forgiveness is essential in any relationship. Of course, if he did it again, that would be another matter. As it stands, show the same mercy you would like to be shown if you unintentionally had hurt him instead.
I've upset my girlfriend!
I’m 19, my GF is 19, and we’re 6 years in. We live together as well.
Even after all these years she’s very loving, sweet, and downright
playful. I’m not a misogynist or a chauvinist( if I were how could I
keep a GF for 6 years). I like to think of myself as a respectful guy
and I am. Anyway, last night she decided to play “ What do you like
about your boyfriend/girlfriend. When my joke went awry.
Her: Your smile
Me: Your eyes
Her: Sensitivity
Me: Your legs
Her: Big heart
Me: Pouty soft lips
Her: tenderness
Me: Your impressive rack * laughs *
Her: excuse me?
Me: What can I say? Your boobs are wonderful
Her: You’re unbelievably shallow. I have more than just a body you know. I have a brain. Everything you said was about my body
Me: Sorry if I hurt your feelings
Her: I’m not forgetting this just because you’re sorry. Tonight you can sleep at the zoo with the other mindless apes
Me: I’m really sorry. If it helps, say something about me.
Her: No, It’s rude and I don’t like hurting people’s feelings like you do.
Me: Sweetie, I…
Her: Leave me alone
She locked herself in her room crying and hasn’t spoken to me. Best way to apologize?
You were being a typical guy! However you need to realize that most girls want to be appreciated for things other than their wibbly-wobbly bits.
It doesn't sound like you like her just because she is physically attractive, and it's these other things she wants to hear. Strong relationships stay together because each one finds qualities in the other they deeply respect and admire. My wife for example is phenomenally loving and patient with me, and she never bears a grudge about my past behaviour. These are the things I compliment her with.
A few non-physical compliments and a bunch of flowers will hopefully do the trick. By the way my wife has fabulous **** too, but she knows that I don't just love her for those.
Her: Your smile
Me: Your eyes
Her: Sensitivity
Me: Your legs
Her: Big heart
Me: Pouty soft lips
Her: tenderness
Me: Your impressive rack * laughs *
Her: excuse me?
Me: What can I say? Your boobs are wonderful
Her: You’re unbelievably shallow. I have more than just a body you know. I have a brain. Everything you said was about my body
Me: Sorry if I hurt your feelings
Her: I’m not forgetting this just because you’re sorry. Tonight you can sleep at the zoo with the other mindless apes
Me: I’m really sorry. If it helps, say something about me.
Her: No, It’s rude and I don’t like hurting people’s feelings like you do.
Me: Sweetie, I…
Her: Leave me alone
She locked herself in her room crying and hasn’t spoken to me. Best way to apologize?
You were being a typical guy! However you need to realize that most girls want to be appreciated for things other than their wibbly-wobbly bits.
It doesn't sound like you like her just because she is physically attractive, and it's these other things she wants to hear. Strong relationships stay together because each one finds qualities in the other they deeply respect and admire. My wife for example is phenomenally loving and patient with me, and she never bears a grudge about my past behaviour. These are the things I compliment her with.
A few non-physical compliments and a bunch of flowers will hopefully do the trick. By the way my wife has fabulous **** too, but she knows that I don't just love her for those.
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship
John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.
I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this?
You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.
I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important
Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop the idea of telling it to him.
Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years.
The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.
If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.
Friday, 23 May 2014
Should I stay friends with my ex?
Curious says:
He left me because I broke his heart and then he didn't really talk to me for three months unless I spoke to him then all of a sudden the other day he asked to come see me n i said yes. We ended up kissing and then I asked him if he's wanting to be back with me. He said no he wants to explore (as in other girls etc, he's 20) and he said he does love me but doesn't want to be with me because he doesn't trust me whatsoever and because of what I did.
Yet he was acting the same, kissing me on the forehead cuddling with me n acting like my boyfriend so I didn't really feel the pain and hurt until he went home later n to make it worse I had sex with him. It hurt because I realised he's still choosing not to be with me regardless.
What do you think of the situation and should I stay friends with him or??
There's no question that some people do become friends with their exes, but only when they can stick to the boundaries that friendships involve.
In your case I don't think you can - you will just mess with each other's heads and keep hurting each other. It will be better for both of you to make a complete break with no hard feelings. There is also now too much distrust and hurt to resurrect a romance. Learn the lessons from what went wrong and move on.
He left me because I broke his heart and then he didn't really talk to me for three months unless I spoke to him then all of a sudden the other day he asked to come see me n i said yes. We ended up kissing and then I asked him if he's wanting to be back with me. He said no he wants to explore (as in other girls etc, he's 20) and he said he does love me but doesn't want to be with me because he doesn't trust me whatsoever and because of what I did.
Yet he was acting the same, kissing me on the forehead cuddling with me n acting like my boyfriend so I didn't really feel the pain and hurt until he went home later n to make it worse I had sex with him. It hurt because I realised he's still choosing not to be with me regardless.
What do you think of the situation and should I stay friends with him or??
There's no question that some people do become friends with their exes, but only when they can stick to the boundaries that friendships involve.
In your case I don't think you can - you will just mess with each other's heads and keep hurting each other. It will be better for both of you to make a complete break with no hard feelings. There is also now too much distrust and hurt to resurrect a romance. Learn the lessons from what went wrong and move on.
He gave me Chlamydia TWICE
Anonymous says:
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
- Been seeing a guy for about 4 months now, we were pretty much in a relationship but without the official 'label' of being in one.
-We used to have sex often and i had symptoms for chamydia once so i got checked and i was positive, he said he was negative and it definately wasnt him and must have been my ex. I asked my ex and he was negative too, so i thought it mustve been this new guy, but i gave him a second chance because i really liked talking to him and i knew that he was probably just embarased and if he secretly had it he would get treated for it anyway.
- So 2 months go by and we're still talking and having sex and i get tested again just to be safe and it turns out im positive for chlamydia again, so i sent him a long abusive message saying that he has been lying this whole time and telling him how stupid he was for not getting treated properly and for giving to me again.
-He lies to me for another 2 days saying he doesnt know what im talking about and is upset that im acussing him and later on he calls me and admits to having it from the very start.
-He said he was sorry a milliom times and is literally begging me to keep talking to him, but im not sure what to do. he really hurt me and put my health at risk and let me have unprotected sex with him while he hadn't fully finished his treatment which i think is so rude and disrespectful, but i really like him and he promised me he'll never lie again.
This would be his last chance, should I forgive him?
It's time for you to stop being a mug. You should have dumped this guy the very first time he lied to you about such a serious health issue. You have absolutely nothing to gain being anywhere near this man. Trust is absolutely essential to a relationship and this highly irresponsible individual is not worthy of any.
And in future, INSIST on a condom with any new sexual partner until there is a long-term monogamous commitment.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Can I stop my Mother In Law hating me?
Amy says:
My fiance and I met in 2003 when we were teenagers, I was 17 and he was 19. We are now adults I am 28 and he is 30 so its been 11 years. My mother in law has never really liked me in fact she has always hated me. Partly cause my parents are lower class and recovering drug addicts.She has told me numerous times that because of who they are, or were, that she see's me as not good enough for her son.
My father in law used to always kinda kept her in check. There were occasions when she offered to buy her son a house if he left me or would go long periods of time without speaking to him because he refused to break up with me. In 2010/11 we actually did break up for 10 months because of family pressure and it causing us strain.
My fiance broke down without me and turned to drugs, I shut down socially and kinda just kept to myself and my family. We got back together cause we honestly we belong together. I got him to get clean which his mother knows. Anyway a few months after he got clean his father became sick and I got pregnant.
We uprooted and moved back near his family to help them out cause his father had cancer and where we were we had no help or support with a child. I actually dropped out of college and he left a great job. I stayed with his dad during the day while everyone worked and helped out around the house as much as I could. My mother in law was starting to take out her frustration with the whole situation on us.
You gave been incredibly forgiving and tolerant with this truly ghastly woman, and big respect to you for making every effort to win her over. Unfortunately you have failed. If you were going to win her over, you would have done it already.
Unfortunately other people often carry a bucket load of issues that were there long before you ever came along. You are not responsible for any of these issues or another persons inability to be reasonable. In an ideal world, once your Father In Law has passed on, the ideal move would be to rid your marriage of this malign influence for good. However that requires your husband to agree.
At the very least, keep this woman at arm's length - you have wasted enough time already trying to win an approval that will never come.
My fiance and I met in 2003 when we were teenagers, I was 17 and he was 19. We are now adults I am 28 and he is 30 so its been 11 years. My mother in law has never really liked me in fact she has always hated me. Partly cause my parents are lower class and recovering drug addicts.She has told me numerous times that because of who they are, or were, that she see's me as not good enough for her son.
My father in law used to always kinda kept her in check. There were occasions when she offered to buy her son a house if he left me or would go long periods of time without speaking to him because he refused to break up with me. In 2010/11 we actually did break up for 10 months because of family pressure and it causing us strain.
My fiance broke down without me and turned to drugs, I shut down socially and kinda just kept to myself and my family. We got back together cause we honestly we belong together. I got him to get clean which his mother knows. Anyway a few months after he got clean his father became sick and I got pregnant.
We uprooted and moved back near his family to help them out cause his father had cancer and where we were we had no help or support with a child. I actually dropped out of college and he left a great job. I stayed with his dad during the day while everyone worked and helped out around the house as much as I could. My mother in law was starting to take out her frustration with the whole situation on us.
You gave been incredibly forgiving and tolerant with this truly ghastly woman, and big respect to you for making every effort to win her over. Unfortunately you have failed. If you were going to win her over, you would have done it already.
Unfortunately other people often carry a bucket load of issues that were there long before you ever came along. You are not responsible for any of these issues or another persons inability to be reasonable. In an ideal world, once your Father In Law has passed on, the ideal move would be to rid your marriage of this malign influence for good. However that requires your husband to agree.
At the very least, keep this woman at arm's length - you have wasted enough time already trying to win an approval that will never come.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
My marriage is in trouble!
Nicole says:
In July of 2013, my husband got with a group of people that he thought would help him in his business. They took him in, gave him a car, financed his club gigs, and kept him busy. Within a few months, he stopped coming home, started partying all night and hanging with strippers. He even told me he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me bitching about him not coming home. My husband was never like this before!! This went on for 5 months. I was so hurt, I would cry every day.
He would see me cry and walk right out the door. As it turned out, those people lied to him about a lot of things so he decided to stop associating with them. He came home and apologized and was back to the person he was before these people came along. My thing is, I can't get over it!
He was so arrogant and nasty to me when he thought those people were helping him. I hate him for it and he knows it. He's trying so hard to make me forget, and is being such a sweetheart, but I'm scarred. I get so angry with him and he'll just sit there like a little puppy. Honestly, i feel like I just don't know what to do. I'm still hurting from it 3 months later. Please help!
To say I forgive you is easy to say, but as you are finding out, very hard to do!
The fact is that your relationship has been damaged and will never be the same again, because now you know what he's capable of doing in the wrong circumstances. Trust, once lost, is very difficult and very slow to come back again.
If this relationship is to continue or if it doesn't, that hurt ISN'T going to ever go away. At best, it will become less painful and easier to carry with time. You have to accept that like you would for any bad experience. Your husband won't ever be able fix it.
The question is therefore not how to fix it, but do you still love him, and do you still want him? If the answer is YES then dictate reasonable terms for staying together - and if he breaks them, end it. But beating him continually over the head with what he did will not help you, him or the marriage. If you are going to carry on, you will have to be able to live with the hurt in return for being treated better from now on.
But only you know how strong you are and how deep your love is. Be completely honest with yourself. Only give him this second chance if you definitely don't want to be without him, and you are prepared to accept that he is not as strong as you would like him to be.
In July of 2013, my husband got with a group of people that he thought would help him in his business. They took him in, gave him a car, financed his club gigs, and kept him busy. Within a few months, he stopped coming home, started partying all night and hanging with strippers. He even told me he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me bitching about him not coming home. My husband was never like this before!! This went on for 5 months. I was so hurt, I would cry every day.
He would see me cry and walk right out the door. As it turned out, those people lied to him about a lot of things so he decided to stop associating with them. He came home and apologized and was back to the person he was before these people came along. My thing is, I can't get over it!
He was so arrogant and nasty to me when he thought those people were helping him. I hate him for it and he knows it. He's trying so hard to make me forget, and is being such a sweetheart, but I'm scarred. I get so angry with him and he'll just sit there like a little puppy. Honestly, i feel like I just don't know what to do. I'm still hurting from it 3 months later. Please help!
To say I forgive you is easy to say, but as you are finding out, very hard to do!
The fact is that your relationship has been damaged and will never be the same again, because now you know what he's capable of doing in the wrong circumstances. Trust, once lost, is very difficult and very slow to come back again.
If this relationship is to continue or if it doesn't, that hurt ISN'T going to ever go away. At best, it will become less painful and easier to carry with time. You have to accept that like you would for any bad experience. Your husband won't ever be able fix it.
The question is therefore not how to fix it, but do you still love him, and do you still want him? If the answer is YES then dictate reasonable terms for staying together - and if he breaks them, end it. But beating him continually over the head with what he did will not help you, him or the marriage. If you are going to carry on, you will have to be able to live with the hurt in return for being treated better from now on.
But only you know how strong you are and how deep your love is. Be completely honest with yourself. Only give him this second chance if you definitely don't want to be without him, and you are prepared to accept that he is not as strong as you would like him to be.
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
I want him to help him heal
Living Life says
Almost a year ago I made the biggest mistake of my life; cheating on my fiance/father of my children. I was afraid of commitment and was not thinking right, but never mind why I did it, point is it was done. I have realized how wrong I was and how much I have hurt him. I don't ever want him to know that pain again, and I know that I will never do this again because of that. I love this man more than my next breath, and just want him to be happy, but I'm running out ideas of how to help him. I've even tried telling him that he would be happier if he'd leave me, and I've waived my rights to child support if he were to do so. Can anyone give advice on how to help him?
There are three separate issues here. Firstly he needs to be at least willing to forgive you - that will come first. Healing however will take some considerable time, and you will need to be patient. It's a consequence of your action and you will have to live with it for some time - there is no quick fix. The third issue is trust - that will take even longer and may never come back fully. Again this is a price you will have to accept and pay. It's important not to keep going over in your mind what you did as that will help neither of you. You can only change what you do now. Focus on that, and if your mutual love is strong enough, your relationship will survive.
Almost a year ago I made the biggest mistake of my life; cheating on my fiance/father of my children. I was afraid of commitment and was not thinking right, but never mind why I did it, point is it was done. I have realized how wrong I was and how much I have hurt him. I don't ever want him to know that pain again, and I know that I will never do this again because of that. I love this man more than my next breath, and just want him to be happy, but I'm running out ideas of how to help him. I've even tried telling him that he would be happier if he'd leave me, and I've waived my rights to child support if he were to do so. Can anyone give advice on how to help him?
There are three separate issues here. Firstly he needs to be at least willing to forgive you - that will come first. Healing however will take some considerable time, and you will need to be patient. It's a consequence of your action and you will have to live with it for some time - there is no quick fix. The third issue is trust - that will take even longer and may never come back fully. Again this is a price you will have to accept and pay. It's important not to keep going over in your mind what you did as that will help neither of you. You can only change what you do now. Focus on that, and if your mutual love is strong enough, your relationship will survive.
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