He doesn't want to introduce me to his parents

Susan says:
My boyfriend and I (ages 22 and 21, respectively) have been officially together for a little over 2 years. We are very much in love and everything is perfect except for this one thing - we are of different cultures and although he is loved and accepted by my family, its his family that would have an issue with him dating someone that is not of the same culture. As a result, he has never introduced me to his parents. I understand that cultures differences may be tricky, but I just don't see how this relationship can turn into anything further unless I can meet his parents.
He says that they will not be tolerant of me and it will cause a lot of issues in our relationship that could ultimately lead to its end, and he doesn't get why I'm even trying to push the issue. Ive suggested being introduced as 'just a friend' or even just casually bumping into his parents 'randomly' and having him introduce me then, but he's still even hesitant about that.
I know he's not 'ashamed' or 'embarassed' by me or anything like that because he's introduced me to all of his friends, so I just dont know what else I should/could even do about the situation.
Am I wrong for trying to push meeting his parents? Does anyone have any ideas on what I could be doing to resolve this issue? Ive been talking to our mutual friends about this issue, but no one can seem to find a solution. Please let me know what you think about this situation or any advice. Thanks! 

The answer depends on what you want. If what you've got is enough for you, let it go and accept it. However I suspect that ISN'T enough for you. You will always have the worry that his family will at some point intervene and end it. Are you prepared to live with at risk? Only you can answer that question, and the answer determines what you should do next. 

I am having sex with my cousin

Anonymous says:
Me and my cousin were like siblings - we grew up together and did the most amazing things. I am 17 he is 20 - we have so many things in common - we are both athletic, he works at gym we do gym together but a week ago we started having sex after a conversation about the girls he dated and sexual staff. He is my first - I was virgin and I must say that I love this! I am in love with him but its so wrong - I mean its my own blood! I feel shame but I can't say no to him - he is gorgeous and I am mad for him..our family have learned about it and are shocked but that doesn't stop us and I feel terrible.. 

In most places cousins having a sexual relationship is not illegal and its certainly not unusual. You are not genetically close enough to be categorized as incestuous. There is a slight elevated risk of deformity to any children however - that may be something you wish to discuss with each other.

Regarding the relationship itself, if it's working for you, I see nothing wrong. Carry on loving each other whatever anyone else thinks or says - it's THEIR problem.

My boyfriend has a wetting problem

Tiffany says:
Me and my boyfriend are 17. I recently learned that he used to have some wetting issues from his mother. She told me that he use to wet the bed occasionally until he is 14 and he use to wear diaper for bed but he doesnt do that anymore.She was laughing and enjoying herself and I thought that was funny too but my bf just went red and left the room.

His mom just kept telling us how he use to keep havin no #2 accidents at day too. Anyway after couple of days we were walking outside the town and we stopped at a hill to sit and enjoy the view.it was going really well we were talking and kissing and laughing. I started to tickle him (because he is very tickleish lol) and he was like no! no! Im gonna pee myself!

I thought he was joking and kept on going until i saw a tiny spot on his ligh blue jeans i stopped in shock.then he started yelling at me normally he is a total gent alman.he said that i almost made him pee himself and he doesnt want to go back to old etc.etc eventhough I told him thats its ok I'm not judging him because of his little accident, but now he won't listen to me and we havent talked since! I feel really guilty, please help

This is a surprisingly common problem. Its proper name is Enuresis. Often sufferers are quite normal in every other way. Enuresis can be treated by Hypnotherapy (so I've seen a few clients with this problem) and other therapies. It is of course a profoundly upsetting and embarrassing problem to have.

There's not a lot you can do if he is refusing to talk to you. Hopefully he will come round if you persist. The problem can usually be worked around in relationships by adopting some do's and dont's. You can also give him my contact details if he needs some free advice.

By discussing the problem openly together and learning from him how to manage it together, his need not be the end of the relationship but he has to see it that way as well. 

Is it over?

Rahul says:

Me and my gf have been together for 1year now. We are in the same college. When the college was going on she used to hang out with me all the time and we used to have sex a lot. Like 3days a week which is a lot given that she had to travel 2 hrs to come to my home.

Now the thing is that her family is very reserved and doesn't allow her to talk to any boy or get into a relationship. And we r having vacations of 2 months after the 2nd semester. During these vacations everything has changed. I initially used to msg her but she asked me to stop because she has to hide this relationship from her family and she can't risk being caught. Moreover she has reduced calling me also because she says that her family members r around her all the time. She nowadays calls me like 1 time a day or some days doesn't call at all. This initially pissed me off because I wanted to talk to her and I love her a lot. I used to miss her like hell. But she insisted that she couldn't talk and that she would be able to talk when these vacations r over.

Even though I know that her family restrictions are a lot and she might actually not getting time, I feel that she shouldn't have entered into a relationship if she knew she wouldn't be able to give time to it. I have a female friend who has been there for me to comfort me more often than my own gf.

Has my girlfriend stopped loving me as much as she used to before? Has someone else entered her life? Should I break up? 

 

Your third paragraph is your own answer - and you are absolutely right. This relationship has run its course and it's time to end it. 

 

 

I'm scared my mum is going to run off!

Emily says:

I know I know, she is a grown women and can make her OWN decisions & because she is MARRIED - but I can still be scared.
 
My mum has this online relationship with a guy younger then her. He is a beachy/surfy chill guy who "lives his life" with no rules appearently.
 
I recently found out they have seen each other and spent a whole WEEK together. We went to a place to help me with my depression, but the whole week she spent cheating on my dad!! And it's not private there are pictures everywhere on the internet of them to!

She says she just wants to 'run away' and to go to Italy and do surfing and live someone else and it's sounding like she really just wants to leave :( I'm scared I don't want my mum to leave but then again I do want her to be happy. What can I do to calm these thoughts :( I can't just get away from it! She is always texting him more then talking to our family. I am so worried :( 

I'm very sorry that you are in this position - if only mum loved Dad, dad loved mum and they both loved you. Unfortunately not all of us are in that situation. The bottom line seems to be that she cares for you, but if it comes down to it, she's going to put her own happiness first.

There is nothing you can do about it. Worrying won't make an ounce of difference to her choice - it will only make you more ill. At this point, all you can do is live one day at a time, and face up to the challenges of that particular day. Accept the fact that the future is completely uncertain and beyond your control.

What will certainly help is for you to think about your own future and what you want to achieve with your own life. Your current life is sadly crumbling underneath you and you need to start building a future one now. Good luck. 

What should I do about my Grandparents?

Eva says:
I have always argued a lot with my grandmother, we just don't get along, but it's never been anything serious. I love my granddad like I would love a father - I don't have one, because he disappeared 12 years ago, so I kind of consider my grandfather as a dad.
 
The problem is, recently the most important exams in my life have started. My grandmom has been very unsupportive, always telling me how I have already failed, that I don't study at all and such things that are NOT true. I did my best and have amazing results on every single of my tests. I have only 1 left. She never apologiesed for being so rude and never congratulated me on the success I have. 

My grandfather, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can have a serious relationship and I'm almost 20 years old, so it's perfectly normal. The man I date is the son of his best friend and I can't see where the problem is. They always buy me expensive presents as if they're trying to win me, but they never ask whether I want/like them. I can't be more than 10 minutes around them without starting an argument. What can I do?

This is not going to end well. You need to exclude your grandmother from your life as she will blight your happiness, and insist on only seeing your grandfather on his own if at all. I have severed relations with my father, mother, sister and daughter, but I have no regrets because these relationships were all dysfunctional and made me unhappy. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you owe them anything.

In your personal life, only maintain those relationships that build you up and you can make a difference to. Ruthlessly exclude all those who make you unhappy. You will not regret it. 

I am not getting on with my sister

Penny says
Me and my twin hate each other! We're both 16 but nobody listens to me! When my sister has a problem she starts fights with me. My guardian told us to behave and stop arguments but my sister kept hitting me and winding me up so I finally flipped and attacked her. I hate this so much! Since we were children we've done this. I've tried everything! I've ignored her, I tried talking to her about it, but nothing works! I need someone to help me! I'm getting to the point I can't take much more! 

It's very rare for twins to fall out like this so I feel very sorry for you. Sometimes sibling relationships don't work out. I am estranged from my own sister.

As far as possible keep your distance from her. You have the right to defend yourself if attacked, but don't stoop to petty acts of revenge. If you do not want anything to do with her, you have the right to say so. Explore the possibility of going to live with a relative. As a last resort you can go into care if you feel that strongly.

He hasn't asked me to marry him!

Melissa says:
My boyfriend tells me he wants to marry me all the time but I haven't seen a ring or heard a proposal, its more of actions speak louder than words thing on that part, but he takes care of me , never embarrassed of me when I'm not looking my best, I feel he loves me for me even tho I'm hard on him.
His birthday is coming up and I would love to marry him, i found the prefect engagement ring for him but I'm unsure if I should propose or just get the ring and wait until he does or just get him something else for his birthday.

There are clearly many positives in your relationship and it would be a shame if you spoiled it with your impatience. Guys who take care of you properly and are fanciable as well are not so easy to come by. It's perfectly understandable how you feel but you need to let it go until he's ready, and just get on with loving each other and getting ready to be a family. Focus on what you've already got rather than what you haven't yet.

I've got a teen uncle!

Anonymous says:
I'm a 13 y/o girl, with a younger 11 y/o brother and we have an uncle whose 18 y/o. Little back story I got from mom, our grandma was 18 and granddad was 21, they were boyfriend/girlfriend, at the same time, became young parents to my dad and his twin (our other uncle)

Dad and uncle, grew up mostly with my great grandparents, so grandma could attend college, while granddad was away in the army. Our dad and uncle grew up to become army men themselves, when they were 21 y/o in the army, our uncle died, it left dad in a terrible state, due to the loss of his twin. Then at 23 y/o, dad became a big brother to our 2nd uncle, to ease the pain of the lost uncle, so, dad could have a brother again. This is the uncle, who is just 5 years older to me, 7 years older to my brother.
 
From my grade 1, till my grade 7, he used to be with us in the same school, now he is in college. We love him obviously and look at him as an 'older brother figure', he does have a protective nature towards me. But sometimes I feel weird, having to tell people that he is my uncle, I can't lie on it and have to tell that he is my uncle...people have mistaken him as my brother/cousin, at some point people thought he was my boyfriend O_o

Our uncle was given a space by dad, to live at our home and attend college at the same time. Dad kinda treats him like a 'son' rather than a brother and dad is 41, still in the army. I feel awkward at times, is it normal for such family age gaps ? 

You'd be surprised how common this is - there's plenty of teen uncles and aunts everywhere. It's all very normal, natural and often nice. Never be ashamed of those who care about you. Be proud and grateful. 

My mum doesn't like my boyfriend

Rathy says:
I mean she doesn't even know him well and she has never met him but my sister and my mum are saying that he's probably not even committed and that he is probably jut playing with me... Isn't it slightly unfair of them to say that when they haven't even met him and seen how lovely he is? and every time my mother gets angry at me, she always shouts at me by saying that when I'm older, I'll be having a lot of one night stands and basically labelling me as a S**T. I don't understand.
By the way, I come from India but i was practically raised in England and my mum has always told me that she's 'different' from other parents and that she would not mind if I had a boyfriend. But now that I do, she keeps judging me and its like the whole family has turned against me just because of the reason that I am seeing a guy who i really like. And now my mother is also saying that Im not allowed to go out to see him...but I like him and do you think it is okay for me to keep seeing him secretly? or is there a way to talk to my mum about this without her head literally blowing up with anger? :( Im sixteen by the way. 

Your mother clearly has issues from some kind of bad experience and is afraid for you. That said, you have the right to live your own life. If I was in your position I would secretly date the person until I was of age. Short of locking you up, I can't see her stopping you.

If you want to reason with your mother, try getting her head first - ask if she has had any bad experiences herself.

My 13 year old daughter wants to date

Tim Says:
My 13 year old daughter recently asked me if she was allowed to date. She said she wanted to date this 14 year old boy (Let's call him Thomas). She has known the boy for about 8 months. I've met him several times and he's a really nice boy. He's only dated one other girl and their relationship lasted 8 months. I don't worry about her having sex because she is FTM (some transgender thing) and she is very uncomfortable with her girl parts. So Im just wondering if I should allow it or not?

I don't see an issue. I've heard it said that parenting teens is like holding a wet bar of soap. Hold too tightly and you will crush the bar or it will shoot out of your hand. Hold too loosely and it will drop away. So hold the bar gently but surely. Let her do her thing, give her freedom to make choices, but step in if and when her wellbeing is threatened. Short of this, let her learn through her own mistakes and successes.

Should we stay or should we go?

Jessica says:
I'm 20 and my sis is 19. Were Muslim but we want to move out together before marriage. our parents are fine with it. We want to be independent. We are also close and always dreamed about having our own apartment. we also have our own reason. I live with my dad and she lives with my mother. I want to also move away bc he is a bit controlling. My sister wants to also move away bc she and my mom fight a lot. My mother always kicks her out. She always complains my sister is wasting her money bc she doesn't have a job and my mom pays for her. My sister also doesn't want to live paycheck to paycheck and not have any food. My mother always blows her money on stupid stuff. I also think my sister should move out bc my mother is a bad Influence. She drinks, parties and sleeps with guys even married ones. She smokes around my sister even though my sister tells her not to. She also lets my sister do whatever she wants. Even if it's inappropriate. the thing is I feel guilty for moving because our family are against it bc it is haram also I don't want to go against our religion. I'm scared of what others who are Muslim will think. also I feel like my sis and I could just put up with it. I feel like were making excuses. For example even though my dad is controlling I should be able to live with it bc every one who's parents are Muslim and strict deal with it yet they still live with their parents. As for my sister she could just get a job and help around the house more. I feel guilty bc I feel like my sister is moving out bc of me and Its like I'm making her go against her religion. She says she want to move to prove she can save her money and not be like my mom. But again I feel like ppl will say why can't she just get a job and help out instead of move. I think it will be good for my sister on the other hand bc it will force her to be independent. She just lays around at home and does nothing. Should we move out or stay?
By pay check to pay check I meant my moms.  


I can understand why you both want to set up home together. It would certainly suit your sister but I'm not that sure it would suit you - you may be going from the frying pan into the fire! You are a devout young woman of faith but your sister is perhaps not as much as you. Living with a close friend or relative is like all the responsibilities of marriage with none of the privileges!

I don't think what anyone else thinks is the main issue - the issue is, can you live with your sister? I am not a muslim, but I know several who are, and they tell me that Allah speaks to them through their intuition. Perhaps then you ought to trust your intuition, and obey what your heart tells you. Don't go from one bad situation to another if that's what that Inner Voice says.

Possessive Mom

abcdefg says:
Well first things first i live with my mom and i help pay the bills..I would like to move out once i have a better job to support myself but i think my mom wants me to live with her for the rest of my life :( My sister mentioned that we should all live together to save money & i thought it was a great idea that way when i have my savings together i can move out & my mom wont be alone but my mom doesnt like that idea because she likes to have privacy(My sis has 2 kids) Idk what to do..What would you all do?? 

You have the right to live your own life. Your mother is NOT your responsibility, no matter what anyone says. Of course you can be concerned for her but the best way to help her is to be happy yourself, and if that means striking out on your own, then do so. If your mum loves you rather than is simply just clinging to you, she will let you go. Love never forces its own way. Live your life be free, whether mom likes that or not - it's YOUR life. 

He remarried and gave my half-sister my name!

Lynda Dixon says:
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3 years old, I met my real dad for the first time at seven years old by this time he and his new wife name there first daughter the same name as mine? Who would do something like this to a child, in a situation like this the damage it caused for me emotionally is so deep , my siblings my real sister and brothers never showed any concern or reassurance I was as important as the other lynda, no one cared, no one noticed,?? 

It is certainly a very odd thing to do! By your dad choosing to do this, he is suggesting you were somehow a mistake and your half-sister is the real deal. He might not have actually intended to imply that, but it is at the very least grossly insensitive.

Parents divorcing is always very hard on the child - there is often a feeling in the child that it's somehow their fault. However you are not alone - there are plenty of us who found themselves lower priority than someone or something else. You should always be made to feel special, but the reality is you were not.

Your choice is now this - are you going to spend your life feeling sorry for yourself for what you didn't get, or are you going to make something of your life? If you want to be happy, you will need to be tough - you will have to believe in yourself when no one else seems to.

Put your own gifts and talents to good use and make a difference with them. You will eventually attract people who can see what you've got and respect you for it, and you will feel justified but, you only really need one believer and that's yourself. Get yourself out there and be unique, be special and make a difference.

How can I make my parents realize?

Jen says:
I'm struggling - i am me and yet not fully myself because my parents always said I should be this, that, whatever! I'mm sick of it because its not me! I'm trying to convince them that I might be this or that, but they are always all "no, no, no, bad idea"! I don't want what they want me to be! I want to be who I wanna be - I feel like I'm a prisoner! I've always felt like this since I was a little girl.
Now I'm starting to open myself more. I'm in my second year in college and coming home twice a year. Please help! 

Speaking as one who is estranged from his parents I know how you feel. Your not imagining it, your parents ARE being unreasonable. They should love you and support you from who you are and who you want to be. Unfortunately you cannot make your parents realize, you can only go on doing your thing and hope that one day your parents accept it. And if they never do, you still did the right thing. You must always be true to yourself. 

I'm not doing well in Highschool

Rainyday says:
Im a freshman in highschool and I'm not doing very well
Algebra 1 F
Computer science b
Environmental sciene b
Biology F
World history F
English A
My mom thinks im really smart but really I'm not, i try really hard and turn in extra credit . I didnt even want to go to the highschool i go to now. I got to a highschool for eingeering and science with all these smart kids, but im not smart. I really lovw drawing and english and wanted to go to a highschool for but my mom made me come here so i could be a nerosurgeon?" I dont know anything about the brain and im failing biology. This is the second report card marking period and my accumalative grades so far are all c's. So i guess ill try harder in the third to get b's. I wasnt that bad in the first period, i got a and b and one c. can i still get into a good college? Im not very bright but i dont want to disapoint my mom :( 

Mom could do with loving you as you are, not the person she wants you to be. Clearly your forte is the arts not the sciences and you were certainly born that way. Two things must happen. Firstly you must accept that you're not dumb, just a round peg in a square hole. You need to be places that foster your talents not your weaknesses. Secondly Mom is gonna have to accept it. Does she love you or her dream for you?

Accept it or not, you will only be happy in life if you do what's right for you, not what others want you to be. You will need courage, but the alternative is misery. Good luck. 

How do I make my boyfriend quit smoking?

Chelsea says:
I'm in a relatively new relationship (a couple months) with someone with some really bad habits. One of these habits is smoking. I detest smoking for myself personally but really because so many in my family have developed lung cancer whichthe docs have attributed ro ther smoking habitsand, in the case of my grandfather, second hand smoke. So many have died and it's very upsetting to think that he smokes for no good reason. I don't know how much he smokes per daybecause when I am with him he doesn't. Some days I am with him for six hours, others only a couple. He hadmentioned trying to quitforme and because he had stopped aroundme I assumed he reallywas but then he was 30min late one day and he smelled like freshly smoked cigarettes, now he's backtracking saying that he only can if I'm around because I distract him from wanting his smoke. My problem is I can't see him for long becausemy parents don't know about him, but I can't until he quits but he cannot when I'm not around. 

The bottom line is that he is a smoker, and if you want to be with him, that's what you have to accept, unless you deliver an ultimatum or declare it a deal-breaker. You are wanting to have cake and eat it. Relationships are all about consent not coercion. If you are trying to force him to give up, you are undermining the relationship from the start.

Accept it and him or reject it and him, simple as that. You will have to decide what's more important - your feelings for him or your family-wide aversion to smoking. The right choice is whatever your heart rather than logic tells you. 

What do I tell my family about my sexuality?

Hannah says:
OK, so I'm a fifteen year old girl with a strict catholic family. Got any where this is going?
I have fallen for one of my best friends who just so happens to be a girl, bring on the hate. She always flirts with me, calls me pretty etc and I don't know what to do. Shall I tell my family that I am bi-curious? Shall I tell her my feelings?
I'm scared of people at School judging me.
Any help from LGBT would be great!
Kik me; Hannahjessika
Text me; +447505910986 

 I feel very sorry for you because I know the hard time you are going to have in the next few years. You are still only young and may be unsure of your own sexuality. There is however a good test - when you masturbate or fantasize, is it with girls or both boys and girls? Either way, lesbian or bisexual, it will be better in the long run for you to come out now. Also explain that you want to be accepted and loved who you are. Your family may be desperately disappointed at first, but if they love you they will come around. If you continue to fake it you will be even unhappier! There's no easy way - every LGBT has to go through this - my advice is to get it over with. Good luck.

Is my Dad abnormal?

My dad is acting very strange.Everything he has to do for me, he'll always complain about it and it's nothing special just basic things.
There is another problem, whenever my mom gives me food, he will always come to see, but it's seriously without a reason. Then sometimes he will even cause a drama about just any thing.
There are some times when he will go to the bathroom a second before i am going to take a shower (i always do it at the same time and he will continue doing this for a week). 

Unfortunately you haven't given enough information for a definitive answer. You may just be being too sensitive and putting 2 and 2 together and getting five. On the other hand he may genuinely have some issues. It could be both! If your dad is frightening you or upsetting you, you must at least make that clear to your parents. Unfortunately not all parents react in the right way, but at least they will know how you feel. At the same time, you must also get to understand how your parents are feeling. When you all understand each other, life is easier, although never perfect harmony! From what you have said, your dad doesn't seem abnormal to me, just a typical grumpy dad! That said, if you don't feel safe at home, you will need to tell someone.