My boyfriend has too many opportunities to cheat!

Tamara says:
My bf works with all women. He runs a dance studio. I was one of his students and we met this way and started a relationship. He instructs other women and women work for him. I am always insecure that he is around women. I am very attractive. Have a tight, fit body and he says I am the most beautiful, sexy and desirable woman he knows. 

But I always have a fear in my heart. Because he is charismatic and will have opportunities at every turn. I find this sometimes affects my relationship with him as I am jealous and I let him know when things bother me. I love him and we have the most incredible sex ever. 

But I do not know how to deal with this jealousy that I have. Is it rational? Irrational? He is a friendly guy too. What if someone puts the moves on him and he doesn't/can't refuse? How can I get over this without it ruining our relationship? Could anyone offer advice? Never been in this type of situation before. Oh, why couldn't he just be locked in a room working on computers all day, all by himself???

What you are feeling will find sympathy with women everywhere, and quite a few guys too! I have also had a few clients who came to me because their jealousy was destroying their relationship, so it's a very common issue.

The reality is that there are never any guarantees in even the best relationships. If your relationship is very good right now, my advice is always the same - trust absolutely until conclusively proven to be betrayed. Make his very clear to him - it's all or nothing. Pledge to him your absolute confidence in his professionalism and loyalty to you, but if he betrays that trust, it will never be given again.

Having drawn that line and made that open expression of absolute faith in him, instead of imagining him being tempted, imagine interesting things he's going to get when he comes home!

The key to dealing with your own jealousy is a combination of open acts of faith and keeping focus on happiness and gratitude. Worry is a prayer to the universe to give you your worst nightmare, and gratitude is a prayer for more good stuff please!

Do doctors ever fall for nurses?

Holly says:
So I'm a 28 year old woman and I'm a student nurse. At the moment i'm on placement in a hospital... I'm only first year so this is my first time working in a hospital.. I realise I'm "at the bottom of the food chain" amongst the staff lol.
I spotted a gorgeous young doctor yesterday (my first day). A couple of times we made brief eye contact but neither one of us spoke to the other.
Does he think he's too important and "above me" to talk to me bacause I'm just a student nurse and he is a doctor?
Today I was in his way. I said, "oh sorry," and moved out of the way. But he didn't say anything back.
Is it possible he might find me attractive? Or is he just looking at me to see that I'm looking at him for his ego's sake? 

Doctor/nurse relationships happen all the time, between all ranks, but that doesn't men everyone wants you. You clearly fancy him, but that doesn't mean it's mutual. There's no evidence at all that he's remotely interested. Turn on some flirtatious female charm and see if you get a response, but keep your feet on the ground - you can't win 'em all.

My ex still hates me

Paula says:
He has a new gf, but he still stares at me and if he happens to be near me, gets so angry. Before we ended stuff, he was super happy and so sweet. Now he acts like a monster. If he's in a relationship, shouldn't he be happy??? I mean, he shows her off to the world cuz he thinks she's "hot". 


You have badly hurt him and he can't get over it. But that's his problem not yours - you've both moved on. Whether you deserve it or whether you don't, you can't change what's in someone else's head. Simply stay away from the guy as much as you can, avoid eye contact when you do see him, and live your own life the best way you can.

I can't find him!

Shannen says:
I met this boy when i was away and all i know is his first name and the company he was working for, i cant find him on facebook and i have messaged the company but i doubt they will get back to me as it is a very big company. Any other suggestions? 

If this relationship was ever going to happen you would have exchanged contact details before you parted. I'm afraid it's not going to happen. Shrug your shoulders and move on. 

My boyfriend can't stay hard

Yoo says:

We have been having sex for 2.5 years now. He takes a while to finish, which is awesome for me. He also has to take breaks now and then to jerk off and re-harden, which I understand is normal and I never minded.

But for the past few weeks, he has been unusually... Unhard. He can barely keep it hard for long at all. I understand this probably isn't his fault, and I always tell him sex was awesome. I suspected that he may be stressed because the problem started around when he started a new overnight job, so his sleeping schedule is way off.

What do you think this could be? How can I help this situation? 

 

You have not mentioned his age, which would be useful. However Erectile Dysfunction can happen at any age. There are many possible causes but age itself is the main one. It can occur at 30+ but is more common at 40+ and very common at 50+ - and I should know! It's embarrassing and upsetting for a man when it first happens, but very common. The cheap simple solution to try first is Sildenafil - generic Viagra.

 

He doesn't want to introduce me to his parents

Susan says:
My boyfriend and I (ages 22 and 21, respectively) have been officially together for a little over 2 years. We are very much in love and everything is perfect except for this one thing - we are of different cultures and although he is loved and accepted by my family, its his family that would have an issue with him dating someone that is not of the same culture. As a result, he has never introduced me to his parents. I understand that cultures differences may be tricky, but I just don't see how this relationship can turn into anything further unless I can meet his parents.
He says that they will not be tolerant of me and it will cause a lot of issues in our relationship that could ultimately lead to its end, and he doesn't get why I'm even trying to push the issue. Ive suggested being introduced as 'just a friend' or even just casually bumping into his parents 'randomly' and having him introduce me then, but he's still even hesitant about that.
I know he's not 'ashamed' or 'embarassed' by me or anything like that because he's introduced me to all of his friends, so I just dont know what else I should/could even do about the situation.
Am I wrong for trying to push meeting his parents? Does anyone have any ideas on what I could be doing to resolve this issue? Ive been talking to our mutual friends about this issue, but no one can seem to find a solution. Please let me know what you think about this situation or any advice. Thanks! 

The answer depends on what you want. If what you've got is enough for you, let it go and accept it. However I suspect that ISN'T enough for you. You will always have the worry that his family will at some point intervene and end it. Are you prepared to live with at risk? Only you can answer that question, and the answer determines what you should do next. 

I am having sex with my cousin

Anonymous says:
Me and my cousin were like siblings - we grew up together and did the most amazing things. I am 17 he is 20 - we have so many things in common - we are both athletic, he works at gym we do gym together but a week ago we started having sex after a conversation about the girls he dated and sexual staff. He is my first - I was virgin and I must say that I love this! I am in love with him but its so wrong - I mean its my own blood! I feel shame but I can't say no to him - he is gorgeous and I am mad for him..our family have learned about it and are shocked but that doesn't stop us and I feel terrible.. 

In most places cousins having a sexual relationship is not illegal and its certainly not unusual. You are not genetically close enough to be categorized as incestuous. There is a slight elevated risk of deformity to any children however - that may be something you wish to discuss with each other.

Regarding the relationship itself, if it's working for you, I see nothing wrong. Carry on loving each other whatever anyone else thinks or says - it's THEIR problem.

My boyfriend has a wetting problem

Tiffany says:
Me and my boyfriend are 17. I recently learned that he used to have some wetting issues from his mother. She told me that he use to wet the bed occasionally until he is 14 and he use to wear diaper for bed but he doesnt do that anymore.She was laughing and enjoying herself and I thought that was funny too but my bf just went red and left the room.

His mom just kept telling us how he use to keep havin no #2 accidents at day too. Anyway after couple of days we were walking outside the town and we stopped at a hill to sit and enjoy the view.it was going really well we were talking and kissing and laughing. I started to tickle him (because he is very tickleish lol) and he was like no! no! Im gonna pee myself!

I thought he was joking and kept on going until i saw a tiny spot on his ligh blue jeans i stopped in shock.then he started yelling at me normally he is a total gent alman.he said that i almost made him pee himself and he doesnt want to go back to old etc.etc eventhough I told him thats its ok I'm not judging him because of his little accident, but now he won't listen to me and we havent talked since! I feel really guilty, please help

This is a surprisingly common problem. Its proper name is Enuresis. Often sufferers are quite normal in every other way. Enuresis can be treated by Hypnotherapy (so I've seen a few clients with this problem) and other therapies. It is of course a profoundly upsetting and embarrassing problem to have.

There's not a lot you can do if he is refusing to talk to you. Hopefully he will come round if you persist. The problem can usually be worked around in relationships by adopting some do's and dont's. You can also give him my contact details if he needs some free advice.

By discussing the problem openly together and learning from him how to manage it together, his need not be the end of the relationship but he has to see it that way as well. 

I got dumped after just two weeks! Was I too sexual?

Raynan says:
What I am not understanding is after we had our first sex, she was still sweet the whole week. She actually gave me a surprise visit that weekend. We agreed to just talk that day and no sex. I attempted once but when she declined, I stopped. She was still sweet that day. But the day after, she starts ignoring me. Then after 4 days of ignoring my texts/calls, she broke up with me. I am confused. What do you guys think? 

One of the more annoying things about girls is that often they don't just say "you're dumped". They just stop calling or find excuses not to call you. When/if this happens in future, it means you're dumped.

When you meet someone, unfortunately they can have all kinds of different agendas. They may act like they're up for a relationship and may even believe it themselves, but sometimes they're on the rebound, they're looking to get back at someone, they're looking for a "hug with benefits" or they're just plain confused.

When this happens there's nothing you can do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on. Move on long enough and you'll eventually find someone sincere. 

I'm scared my mum is going to run off!

Emily says:

I know I know, she is a grown women and can make her OWN decisions & because she is MARRIED - but I can still be scared.
 
My mum has this online relationship with a guy younger then her. He is a beachy/surfy chill guy who "lives his life" with no rules appearently.
 
I recently found out they have seen each other and spent a whole WEEK together. We went to a place to help me with my depression, but the whole week she spent cheating on my dad!! And it's not private there are pictures everywhere on the internet of them to!

She says she just wants to 'run away' and to go to Italy and do surfing and live someone else and it's sounding like she really just wants to leave :( I'm scared I don't want my mum to leave but then again I do want her to be happy. What can I do to calm these thoughts :( I can't just get away from it! She is always texting him more then talking to our family. I am so worried :( 

I'm very sorry that you are in this position - if only mum loved Dad, dad loved mum and they both loved you. Unfortunately not all of us are in that situation. The bottom line seems to be that she cares for you, but if it comes down to it, she's going to put her own happiness first.

There is nothing you can do about it. Worrying won't make an ounce of difference to her choice - it will only make you more ill. At this point, all you can do is live one day at a time, and face up to the challenges of that particular day. Accept the fact that the future is completely uncertain and beyond your control.

What will certainly help is for you to think about your own future and what you want to achieve with your own life. Your current life is sadly crumbling underneath you and you need to start building a future one now. Good luck. 

Does this boy like me?

Tahira says:
I have been liking this boy for ages now and we have been flirting - he calls me babe but I don't know if he means it. I have dated a lot of guys and he says "I would of dated you if you hadn't had a past like that" but what does that mean? Does it mean he likes me?

The most worrying thing is the statement "I would of dated you if you havent had a past like that" do YOU really want to date someone with that kind of attitude? When you find the right person, their past does not matter - unless they have a history of abuse. Don't date someone who looks down on you. You want someone to love you as you are. 

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

I resent her father coming to the party!

Jessica says:
I'm having a big party for my daughter (sweet 16 hall event) and her father who hasn't been in her life for 12 years is attending, last time she saw him was 3 years ago for 5 minutes.
 
How do I cope knowing this man is attending when he knows he has't been a father to her and knowing he will be there watching everything?! He confirmed he's attending the party never offered to pay for anything of this party and I paid for everything myself. 

I understand how hard for you this must be. However the bottom line is you cannot keep your daughter from your father unless your daughter doesn't want to see him. Your focus needs to be on your daughter and her best interest. I am acrimoniously and bitterly estranged from my daughter, but I never stop my wife/her mother from seeing her, as that would make my wife unhappy and resentful.

Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of the ones we care about. 

Why would this man say no to me?

Felicity says
Here is the story:
this girl is in love with this man but the man is in love with another woman who does not love him back! 

So I am that girl and this guy after some months of chatting online told me that he does not want to delude me and I have to stop being in love with him because he is in love with another woman even though the woman does not love him and he told me that we are in the same situation, both heart broken.

So I asked him to delete me from his friend list so I could forget about him more easily. This happened some days ago. but now I am thinking that he said no just because he did not want to take advantage of me and because he is a gentleman, but if the other girl does not love him, why would not he want to be with me? is it possible that he will get back to me someday? Or am I just deluding myself? 

However good you might be for someone, you cannot make them love you. It takes two, and there's clearly only one on board here. Love doesn't obey tidy rules about who is good for who. If you persisted and if he got lonely enough, you might wear him down and he might go with you, but you would then be his comfort girl, not a true lover. It would only end badly.

I know what it's like when you have an overwhelming crush on someone - you will have them at any price, and hold on in desperate hope it will all work out. Nothing is certain but the odds are you're in for heartbreak.

My girlfriend texts too much

Adrian says

I've been spending some time with this girl the last month or so. Last week she gave me her number. And now she texts me every day. I don't mind the occasional message or two. But I'm really not that into this texting thing. I also fear it will lead to us not having anything to talk about when we see each other in person.

How do I tell her I don't really like doing it without making her feel bad/chasing her away? 

 

There is a fundamental difference between the male and female attitude to communicating. For men the purpose is to exchange relevant information. For women, the purpose is to maintain and affirm a connection. No surprise then most men think that their women talk/text too much!
I really would not attempt to stop her texting. When you are together, simply do the majority of the listening and nod and smile a lot - it works for most of us! But keep your ear out for something new and relevant between the standard fare. She will prompt you with questions when she wants you to speak! If she gets concerned about your not saying a lot, explain that nothing's wrong - men just work on an essential information basis.
Don't forget though to tell her how glad you are she's in your life - she needs to hear it daily.

A friend has cut me off

Justin says
I recently confronted a friend of mine who I have known for almost two years. I asked her why she has been acting cold towards me recently. The response that I got was that she had moved in with her BF of less than 4 months and that she could not afford to have anyone drive a wedge between them - her words not mine. 

Bear in mind that I live 300 miles away so its not like I could actually get in between them and that's not something I would do anyway. To me it sounds like she is going all gold digger and if that's the case then I wish her luck. But my question is would someone actually push someone away for any other reason? Just figured I would ask. 


Either possibility may apply. She may be genuinely concerned to show that she is with him or she may no longer be interested in you because you've nothing to offer. It depends on her particular character. I suspect you are hurt by this rejection regardless of her motives. But in the words of an old Rock legend called Phil Lynott - "If that chick don't wanna know forget her"

When someone closes a door on your relationship - for whatever reason - just accept it and move on, without concerning yourself too much about the contents of the other person's head. Just hang with those who like being with you. I practise what I preach. A casual friend has recently started ignoring me at my Saturday job, and even though our relationship was very casual, it kinda hurt. But it wasn't worth my mental energy to get to the bottom of it. I just accepted it and got on with it. I have plenty of other fish to fry.

Vaginal odour has undermined our relationship

John says:
I've been seeing my girlfriend for several months and she lived with me for a while. The smell from her vagina has never been the best, as a result our sex life has been rocky, I didn't have sex with her unless she was right out of a shower. I never explained why to her, until after we broke up (for other reasons) But we recently decided to get back together. She doesnt live with me now.

I cant predict when shes showered so our sex-life is non existent. She got so frustrated over it that she asked me if I was gay, and it certainly seemed like I wasn't interested. I finally explained why yesterday. I was nice about it, and we talked about it. She told me she didn't have insurance to see a gynecologist So I said I'd help her out with it. I was supposed to go see her last night, but she stopped talking to me and hasn't replied to my text or calls. Shes been on Facebook talking and replying to other people's comments. I'm not sure whats going through her mind right now.Should I just leave her alone and give her time? Is she going to break up with me over this? 

You have done absolutely the right thing - you have been open and honest about how you feel. If vaginal odour is a problem for you then she needed to know. Unfortunately she's not obliged to take it well!
She is probably angry, hurt and upset - ladies especially find it really hard to be criticized in this way. But if she wants to be with you, she will need to get over it and address it or dump you. If she dumps you then fine - you know where you are and she was never the right girl for you.
She might however decide to "punish" you by keeping you hanging. By all means give her some space, but not infinite space. You will alone have to decide how long you are prepared to wait.
For long-term relationships to work, both partners have to be compatible. Being mostly compatible or fairly compatible won't cut it. She needs to be as open in her feelings as you have been. If she can't or won't, the relationship has run its course and it's time to move on.

I can never get round to telling my boyfriend something important

Mansi says
I have been trying to tell him something really important, but every single time I am up to tell him that, something goes wrong. It is actually something about what happened to me. It's something sad. So every time I think of telling him, I am afraid if he would ask a question like "why are you telling me this?" or "what can I do?" or maybe just maybe he thinks that I'm trying to seek his attention. I just over think these thoughts and drop  the idea of telling it to him. 

Just recently I sought my brother's advice, and the two of us planed that he would tell it on behalf of me. But all went wrong! My brother told only half the story and even the main thing! My boyfriend got angry! He thought that I could have said it for myself. I have been trying to tell him from a long time. but it just doesn't happen. Why should every single time must be the "wrong time"?
Now i am having some suicidal tendencies.. please help.
We have been together for 2 years. 

The simple answer is that you're scared to say it and you're hoping some imaginary perfect time will magically appear where you won't be scared. There is NEVER a good time to share something painful. What you require is COURAGE - you must share it even though you're scared.

If you want your relationship with this man to last, there has to be no secrets between you. And if he does not want to listen or cannot love you as you are and accept that you have a past, he is the wrong man for you anyway. The next time you are together tell him EVERYTHING and insist that he listens. You have delayed far too long already.  

Why am I so annoying?

Cornelia says:
I'm really annoying and I end up annoying myself, every day that will be me and I'll annoy the **** out of my friends, then I'll start to feel bad and wonder why I'm not normal. Then people think I'm sad and depressed. Now this is me on a regular basis and I feel that people are just starting to think I'm attention seeking.
 
I'm either really annoying to the point of where everyone hates me or really sad to where I think my friends are calling me an attention seeker. I always told myself when I was younger I wouldn't be the girl that would be so weird with emotions I'd always be that one great friend, but lately I've just been called complicated and confusing and over emotional I don't know what's wrong with me what do I do? 

You're trying too hard! You are scared of being ignored and overlooked. But you don't need to draw attention to yourself to be part of the group. You have two ears and one mouth to be used in those proportions. Do a little more attentive listening. Not only will you learn more about the people you hang with, when you listen, all that noise and worry in your head starts to calm down.

Look for opportunities to be genuinely helpful or say something nice rather than trying to entertain. You will find your place in the group and in the world as a whole by making a helpful difference, so be alert for opportunities to be genuinely helpful. Few of us are natural comics and comedians or entertainers, and we don't need to in order to be to be happy and get recognition.

When there are no apparent opportunities to contribute, that is the time to listen and learn. Taking up meditation about 15 minutes per day will also help you.

My ex posted a picture of my penis online!

Max says
So my ex girlfriend's friend posted a picture of a penis on her account profile pics, and I'm 95 percent sure it's mine, and I remember my ex kept saying that she loved my penis. Then she turned a little promiscuous, and we broke up, and now she's totally off hanging out with bad people (I haven't been with. her for a year and a half). So I see her friend posted a pic of me just belly-down so you don't see my face or anything. At first I was so angry, but should I call my ex, or ignore it since no one knows it's me? I hope she doesn't know herself it's me because I live near her! help! 
 
Welcome to the Digital Revolution - one disadvantage is that anything you do is all over the web forevermore. Your next move is a no-brainer - just let it go and put it down to experience. But learn your lesson! Think twice before you do anything in front of a camera in future.