He's changed

Carissa says:
There's this guy that I've been really good friends with for a while and we recently started partying together, and like three weeks ago we were coming home from a party and I knew he wanted me because he had his hands all over me and I was laying on him but i didn't want to do anything because we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want it to be awkward between us. But last week Saturday we had a really intense make out session and we were completely sober and he walked me home after and it was really cute. But we went back to school on Monday and his face normally lights up when he sees me and he gives me a hug and all that but he didn't do that and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't even know what to do. I'm not sure if I like him and want a relationship but im certain I want my friend back and I don't know how to go about it. We're both 17 btw 

Guys are usually not good at expressing their feelings so the initiative will have to come from you. You need the courage to ask him what's wrong and tell him you don't want to lose his friendship. Be brave and good luck.

I want to commit suicide

Anonymous says
I'm 20 years old girl. I got married to my boyfriend. Even I left my family for him.
He promised me a lot before marriage but when we got married. He was some other kind of person. I left my studies for him. I was very bright student in my college. He promised me to continue my studies but he never stand with his words.
He did so many mistakes so I did.
Every time I forgive him. Since 8 months we r living separate but we talk on phone.
He lives in Australia. I'm in India. For some immigration reasons, I can't go to Australia. He doesn't want to come here but he can. He gives importance to his career not me. I still love him. Please reply all how to die easily.


You have a wonderful fulfilling life to come once this heartbreak has passed - do not cheat yourself out of it because of this. You do not need to end your life, you need to rebuild it again from scratch. If your own life does not bring you happiness, instead bring happiness to others. Get involved in some charity work and bring comfort to others - the sad, the poor, the lonely and the sick. Start making a difference to other people's lives. When our own lives brings us no joy, do not waste it, put it to use in the service of others. Do not die prematurely in a meaningless way - leave this life only when it has fully served the greater good.

Is being friends the right thing to do?

Ninjamuffinduck says:
we didn't break up because of arguements or issues between us, it was more issues at the situation.
We are both at uni and the distance got to him as well as him feeling that he didn't know where his life was going and he just didn't want this right now.
The actual relationship was good.
However he said he doesn't want to lose me cos I'm an amazing person and wants to stay friends.
Personally I think it'll be tough being friends but if we could get back together I would try because I think if the situation was right, where we could properly be together then I think the relationship would really work.
We're gonna talk about it soon but I just would like a bit of advice of what to do
Although I don't want to lose him romantically, I don't want to fully lose him out of my life either. 

You have made the crucial point yourself - it would be tough being friends because you would always be wanting more. I don't know if this helps but I met my wife whilst on vacation at uni. When I had to go back I was inclined to end it, but she was DETERMINED to make it work - she'd come to see me every fortnight at enormous expense. We've now been married 28 years.
I am inclined to suggest you fight for this love until you are convinced he doesn't love you back. If you end up friend-zoned, you will simply be frustrated and unable to move on. Fight for him or leave him completely behind, painful though that will be.

Do I stay with him?

Everly says:
In the past few years my husband and I have had ups and downs. He's been unfaithful, he's lied ( about silly things as well as about the cheating), and we're still together. Yes, we weathered the storm and now we're planning on moving forward together. He is very sorry for past mistakes; he loves me and wants to be a good husband again.... but while I care about him deeply, ( he is family) I don't think I love him romantically any more. I'm trying hard, because I know that potentially, we can have a nice life together. We get on well, we are good friends. But secretly I long for more. We haven't had sex for more than 3 years, because he has ED. This makes me feel sad and yes...a little resentful, given the affairs.... I dont want to hurt him..I don't know what I want. Is companionship and tenderness enough? Am I under valuing this aspect of our relationship in search of something possibly more transient? I sometimes feel content... ...other times, sad. 

ED is dealt with, now relatively inexpensively, with Viagra, and I should know! But that really isn't the crux of the issue. If you don't love this guy you are choosing to sacrifice your happiness for him. This gives you a stark choice - you hurt or he does.
This is YOUR life, and it's limited - spend it in the most fulfilling way, or you'll regret it bitterly when it's too late.

I'm worried that I will never find love

Soniya says:
I hate the disparity between the sexes…a confident, attractive and successful woman of 34 is scared that she will never find love but a 40+ man almost always knows there are several options for him even women as young as 30-35 will want him..
how can a lady improve her chances? please don't say compromise..since we all want a partner we are attracted to and compatible with..
for example, I am attracted to taller (5.9) and above, good looking guys with good personality and decent work…since i offer the same.. 

I strongly recommend joining a dating site/agency. It would cut out all the "hoping the right one turns up" and would be well worth the cost, allowing you to pick and choose potential candidates. My best friend met his wife through such an agency.

What do I do about this difficult relationship?

Radostin Petrov says:
I think I must start with the fact that I'm a teenager and these things happen a lot to people at my age. I've been in a relationship with a girl (I'm a boy) for 4 months now being both happy and sad with it(mostly because I'm extremely jelious). I also am really egoistic and i know it. There' s another girl that has caught my interest who i am sure about 70% that likes me back but my girlfriend is really jelious of her. I would really like to spend more time with that girl but i think i may have had a bad influence with my gf and last night she even cried while we were on the phone that she is afraid to lose me and wants to be with me forever. I dont know what to do now as i certainly dont want to hurt her. She as well as the other girl is from my class and i am afraid that even a bad look from any of them caused by any reason would kill me inside. I know i act really selfish i just want to know how to get through the situation.
P.S. today i saw the other girl (not my gf) in the bus

To your credit you have been very honest about yourself - you have admitted you are jealous and hypocritical, but you have also shown a conscience and a desire to do the right thing.

I don't think anyone else can decide your next move for you, but these truths may guide you.
1. Relationships must include trust - no trust, no relationship, just a mess.
2. Often to do the right thing involves hurting someone's feelings - that musn't stop you doing it.
3. Always be honest with yourself about what you really want. Don't go for what you think you should want instead of what you really want - that will just make you unhappy.
4. Don't ever let fear determine your actions - you will feel fear anyway, so feel it but do the right thing regardless.

Good luck - trust what your heart tells you. 

My 13 year old daughter wants to date

Tim Says:
My 13 year old daughter recently asked me if she was allowed to date. She said she wanted to date this 14 year old boy (Let's call him Thomas). She has known the boy for about 8 months. I've met him several times and he's a really nice boy. He's only dated one other girl and their relationship lasted 8 months. I don't worry about her having sex because she is FTM (some transgender thing) and she is very uncomfortable with her girl parts. So Im just wondering if I should allow it or not?

I don't see an issue. I've heard it said that parenting teens is like holding a wet bar of soap. Hold too tightly and you will crush the bar or it will shoot out of your hand. Hold too loosely and it will drop away. So hold the bar gently but surely. Let her do her thing, give her freedom to make choices, but step in if and when her wellbeing is threatened. Short of this, let her learn through her own mistakes and successes.

She wants to take it slower than I would like

James says:
Met a girl about 3 weeks ago and we get on really well.
We've met up about 4/5 times now and i've been to her house and met her parents and she's been to mine etc.
Last night, I was at her house and she cooked dinner. We were in her bedroom and I told her that I really like her and attracted to her and asked if we could take things further.
She said she really likes me and and likes spending time with me and she's glad I told her . She's also turned down other guys for me. But she's starting a new job next week and for the moment, she's going to be working 2x jobs. She said she didn't have any expectations and wanted to focus on herself for a bit. We still passionately kissed and it was awesome.
I told her i'm in no rush as this is still kind of new to me. She still wants to see me. I said the last thing I want is to be friend-zoned and she said she's not going to do that to me.
Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation before? Not sure where to go from here to be honest. Feel a little bit heartbroken 

Easy tiger! I don't see a problem here. it is normally the prerogative of girls to set the pace. If you want her, you will accept that and enjoy your times together. The spaces between are good for you, keeping you interested and at the same time allowing you both to grow as individuals. Accept her reassurances and trust her unless/until you have firm evidence she no longer wants you. 

How can I forgive myself?

fergiedoggy says:
I'm really upset and scaredHi all
I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low
I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached we were good friends and he helped me through a. Lot of personal stuff he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work they weren't getting in and she was this that etc
We began working together a lot and he was paying me compliments very charming Etc and sending me poems chatting to me for hours etc
I started falling for him and eventually we did kiss a few times
After that he became distant and cold and my confidence plummeted I didn't know what I'd done so I began calling and texting a lot
Last year he kept me at distance by text and would see me
Towards the end if last year he said my worrying and anxiety was getting too much and cut ties
I blamed myself and have tried 3 times since to see him at work and he's given me a final warning to stay away :(
I feel like one of those creepy stalkers and I'm not
Please help me forgive myself :( 

What's going on here is that you fell for a guy who used you, and you tried to cling on to him for too long and now you feel guilty about the whole thing.
When we fall for someone, we're no longer fully in control of ourselves. We do and say things our logic and intuition would rather we didn't. EVERYBODY when put in the wrong situation is capable of doing the wrong thing.
It's time to forgive yourself. he led you on and played with your feelings in the first place. None of this makes you a bad person. Time to get your focus on right now. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. What you experienced makes you a slightly wiser and different person, so stop punishing yourself for being who you were. All the things we regret in life help us lead better lives now.
Also, be aware that just because guys show you kindness and affection doesn't mean they're nice right through to the core. Time to move on sweetheart.

I'm confused about my guy

Jenny says:
The beginning of January I met a guy on tumblr. He randomly followed me and I decided to follow him back. After a few weeks of him following me, I decided to send him a message telling him I liked his blog. He replied and thanked me. I replied and said you're welcome. He ended up introducing himself to me and we exchanged KIKs. He lives in Canada and I live in California. It's now been a month since we began to talk and he's so nice to me. We don't talk everyday, mainly on the weekends because we're both busy with school and stuff. We end up talking for hours on KIK. He tells me I'm cute and sweet. He thinks I'm lovely. He told me he enjoys talking to me. We exchanged Skype names and sometimes we talk on Skype for hours. He calls me babe/baby. He also gets jealous when I mention my guy friends. Sometimes he gives me the "just friends" card and then he gives me the "more than friends" card. We've had intimate conversations (phone sex) over the phone too. I've told my best friends about this and they all tell me he likes me, but I don't know. Help? I'm confused. I'm starting to really like this guy. 

If you are looking for certainty and security, I'm afraid there isn't any. Relationships is a risk business! When it starts to get serious, it sometimes evokes panic and fear. This is understandable when there are absolutely no guarantees. Some relationships are passionate then fizzle out. Some start as a friendship that grows into more and lasts forever. You name it, and a relationship has gone that way for somebody.

I think you have fallen for this guy and it's frightening you, because when you fall for someone you lose some control. No one can say if it would work out or not. The bottom line is, follow your heart not your fear. Life's a risk. If the prize is worth the risk, and the heart says GO, hold your breath, close your eyes and take that plunge into the dark. I hope it leads to happiness for you.

Why can't I make friends?

Kuni says:
.. I wouldn't say I'm unapproachable I'm just kinda quiet and look a little depressed at times but that's just me. I feel like ppl look down on me especially since there at times when I can't do my responsibilities as a class rep sometimes ppl judge me while when my other classmates did something wrong ppl joke it off and maintain good relationship idk what's wrong here:( I'm the kind of person that can't refuse ppl my classmates also use me and make me do things although we are very not close I just can't refuse and when I finish the work no one seems to care about me although I did it they care about the one that ordered me , really makes me feel depressed and unneeded. Always in class, I'm always there , alone . While everyone is within groups having discussions full of laughter. I realized I can't keep up conversations too when I approach others especially since my classmates are the popular types which swears etc I'm not this type I prefer talking life stuff.
So why???
Thanks! 

Your issue is a simple one - LOW SELF-ESTEEM. You need to start believing in yourself. There's a very simple rule in psychology - whatever you keep thinking, you're going to get more of it! You need to shift your focus away from what you're not achieving and instead put it on something positive.

For example, you will have some kind of gift or talent, something you can do better than the average guy. Whatever that talent is, that's your destiny and fulfilment right there - you need to focus on it and the difference you can make with it. If you're not sure what you're good at, ask someone you respect to tell you.

You now need to do some research, firstly on ways to develop positive thinking and secondly how to develop your talent, so get Googleing! Once you realize what you're good at and what difference you want to make with it, you'll start to attract people who appreciate it and grow your own social circle.

Understand this - without self-belief there is only grief. Begin learning the discipline of positive thinking today!