My boyfriend has too many opportunities to cheat!

Tamara says:
My bf works with all women. He runs a dance studio. I was one of his students and we met this way and started a relationship. He instructs other women and women work for him. I am always insecure that he is around women. I am very attractive. Have a tight, fit body and he says I am the most beautiful, sexy and desirable woman he knows. 

But I always have a fear in my heart. Because he is charismatic and will have opportunities at every turn. I find this sometimes affects my relationship with him as I am jealous and I let him know when things bother me. I love him and we have the most incredible sex ever. 

But I do not know how to deal with this jealousy that I have. Is it rational? Irrational? He is a friendly guy too. What if someone puts the moves on him and he doesn't/can't refuse? How can I get over this without it ruining our relationship? Could anyone offer advice? Never been in this type of situation before. Oh, why couldn't he just be locked in a room working on computers all day, all by himself???

What you are feeling will find sympathy with women everywhere, and quite a few guys too! I have also had a few clients who came to me because their jealousy was destroying their relationship, so it's a very common issue.

The reality is that there are never any guarantees in even the best relationships. If your relationship is very good right now, my advice is always the same - trust absolutely until conclusively proven to be betrayed. Make his very clear to him - it's all or nothing. Pledge to him your absolute confidence in his professionalism and loyalty to you, but if he betrays that trust, it will never be given again.

Having drawn that line and made that open expression of absolute faith in him, instead of imagining him being tempted, imagine interesting things he's going to get when he comes home!

The key to dealing with your own jealousy is a combination of open acts of faith and keeping focus on happiness and gratitude. Worry is a prayer to the universe to give you your worst nightmare, and gratitude is a prayer for more good stuff please!

What do I do about my controlling boyfriend?

Anonymous says:
We've been dating for a year and a couple of months, he is 9 years older than me, and he is controlling. I attend The university of Texas, when we first met, I was still talking to guys (texting) that attended UT, and he was hanging out at his house having parties with girls... we grew out of that but he doesn't "trust" me at UT, hates how we live 3.5 hours apart, and wants me to move to a sister-college of UT that is closer to his town so we can grow as a couple... I have a scholarship at UT and if I move, I will lose it. I was really supposed to go to that other school originally, but this extra $2.5K a semester helps me...
now to today,
 
I am attending a community college at home, and I texted him and said how I am going to tutoring today, he starts to question me so much, and finally calls. He starts yelling saying how I was a "hoe" in the past and how he doesn't trust me anywhere. And he thinks i am meeting with a tutoring guy and said your not going to go to that and sit down with some guy, you are not going to that. He called me a C***, a stupid b****, a sl**.... I feel like I cant breathe... Its my school, this is my school...?! I love UT but i feel like aftr dating him I convinced myself that I hate it... I really want to be with him, but this just makes me laugh on why he acts like this... I dont understand. Its been a year since ive talked to any guy from UT and he still brings this up 

Dump this guy RIGHT NOW if you don't want to be hurt in every way, and end up being fitted with a mass of tubes in the Emergency Room.

This is very serious. The essential key ingredients in any relationship is TRUST and RESPECT and this guy has none for you. It is NOT going to get any better and he is NOT going to change. You are in serious danger if you pursue this relationship a moment longer.  

What does it mean when my boyfriend masturbates thinking about another girl that likes him?

Alexis says
I just want to understand why he would do that. I wouldn't care if it had been to a celebrity. But he masturbated to a girl that likes him. It's not some random girl. I'm upset but I want to understand all he's told me is he thinks she's pretty and he's checked her out. It hurts and I don't know what I should do.

His honesty with you is in one sense a good sign. Generally, even happily committed men fantasize about women all the time - that's the nature of men. However, so openly fantasizing about someone in reach is a bit much for any girl to take.

Your first option is to dump him on the spot. That is the safest if you don't want to be hurt badly.

The second option is establish a line. Firstly tell him you don't want to hear about his fantasies with other women you both know and at the first hint of a genuine flirt with another woman, he's out. If he can't keep this discipline you were never going to keep him anyway.

It's good that he's open and honest, but that's useless to you if he can't keep his penis in his pants.  

Should I be angry with my boyfriend?

Laura says:
My best friend is close friends with my boyfriend and the other day she went to his house to study but they ended up just watching a movie, my favourite movie. It hurt my feelings because they never even told me that they were going to do that. They meet up alone sometimes and make plans with eachother, but I just feel jealous because I feel like that should be me. Just by the way she has a boyfriend but doesnt have a very good relationship with him. They talk and text all the time and Im usually fine with it but it just really bugged me this time. I feel silly bringing it up because she is my best friend and they didnt do anything. Its not that I dont want him to have any friends that are girls, I just dont think that its appropriate for them to do that without even telling me or my best friends boyfriend who doesnt even know about it. A while ago when I wasn't around they also went to the movies alone together.
What should I do? Do you think I'm being paranoid?
Thanks for the help :)

You're not imagining it - this isn't right. If he is keeping his meetings with her from you, they are spending time alone together and her own relationship is rocky, anyone would be suspicious. And you don't actually know if they did anything or not. I think expecting you to accept all this is too big an ask. Never trust a man who wants to be alone with another woman and wants you to accept it. I fear that your best friend may put her own feelings before any loyalty to you.
I'm afraid that this is not going to end well whatever you decide. The bravest and best thing to do is issue an ultimatum - this stops or they're both "fired". To be honest I would go further than this and dump the pair of them right now. The foundation of any relationship is trust, and you cannot trust either of these two.

What do I do about this difficult relationship?

Radostin Petrov says:
I think I must start with the fact that I'm a teenager and these things happen a lot to people at my age. I've been in a relationship with a girl (I'm a boy) for 4 months now being both happy and sad with it(mostly because I'm extremely jelious). I also am really egoistic and i know it. There' s another girl that has caught my interest who i am sure about 70% that likes me back but my girlfriend is really jelious of her. I would really like to spend more time with that girl but i think i may have had a bad influence with my gf and last night she even cried while we were on the phone that she is afraid to lose me and wants to be with me forever. I dont know what to do now as i certainly dont want to hurt her. She as well as the other girl is from my class and i am afraid that even a bad look from any of them caused by any reason would kill me inside. I know i act really selfish i just want to know how to get through the situation.
P.S. today i saw the other girl (not my gf) in the bus

To your credit you have been very honest about yourself - you have admitted you are jealous and hypocritical, but you have also shown a conscience and a desire to do the right thing.

I don't think anyone else can decide your next move for you, but these truths may guide you.
1. Relationships must include trust - no trust, no relationship, just a mess.
2. Often to do the right thing involves hurting someone's feelings - that musn't stop you doing it.
3. Always be honest with yourself about what you really want. Don't go for what you think you should want instead of what you really want - that will just make you unhappy.
4. Don't ever let fear determine your actions - you will feel fear anyway, so feel it but do the right thing regardless.

Good luck - trust what your heart tells you. 

Why am I so jealous?!

Elle says:
I have this guy friend and we are very close but he is 3 years older than me and we are in highschool. I like him and have a huge crush on him but I am just a friend to him. Recently another friend of mine (female) met this guy, she is one year older than me. This friend ahas a boyfriend but yesterday she told me she liked him. It was at school and I started to feel sick and sad. Today at school she said he knows she likes him and she thinks he likes her too. I was also unwell today so I went home at lunch. I got home and my female friend messaged me that she and my crush walked home together and it was funny (me and my guy friend usually walk home together) she is talking about him a lot and I feel very jealous. I don't even want to like him. I feel angry and sad and sick to my stomach about this stupid boy. Why do I have to be so jealous?!? 

Your problem is that boys and girls can't really be friends if one secretly has the hots for the other. You did what was the expedient thing rather than the best thing and now you're paying the price for that. There is still time for you to take one of two options. The best thing requires both courage and ruthlessness - to tell him how you really feel and always felt. Whatever happens, everyone will understand each other.

The other option is to accept you missed your chance, let him go and keep him at arm's length, and if he asks why, be straight with him.- you can't be his friend when you want to be his lover. This is a textbook case of what happens when you take what seems to be the easiest path - it just makes things harder!

When you feel something, you can't deny it because it's inconvenient. People are not motivated by logic, but by desire! You have now learned this the hard way. Make your play or back away.

Should I ban him from speaking to another girl?

Jane 17:
I always find that men and women have different opinions on this question, do you think its wrong to tell your boyfriend not to speak to a girl because you get jealous about it?

This depends partly on the circumstances. It is natural to be jealous and possessive, but that will destroy your relationship if you don't control it. Guys like to see their girls jealous - it boosts their ego. However you will need to get across that you want him to make OTHER girls jealous by affirming you in public. I would also consider a "trust pact". You will trust him absolutely unless or until it's proven he was unfaithful, then he's out, no second chance. Trust is essential to any relationship, but make clear you don't give it lightly and it can't be fixed once broken. 

Is it normal for my girlfriend to tell other guys she loves him?

Brock says:
Ok my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. She is in Choir and they have "choir children" and "choir parents" and she has a "choir son" who is a year younger than us. They constantly hug each other whenever they see each other and always tell each other they love each other. She doesn't ever hug me like she does to him and doesn't tell me she loves me in public like that either. I get really jealous when I see that and I don't know if this is normal or something?? He also has a girlfriend and I know she doesnt love him like that, but she still hugs him and says she loves him a whole lot more than she does to me. What should I do? I live in California 

What kind of bizarre choir is this?! It sounds like a well-meaning but very misguided way of doing things. If it was like adults looking after children, then I could understand it, but not when one "parent" is scarcely more mature than the "child".

You're not imagining it, this IS weird, and in my opinion, unhealthy. It means that you have to "share" her with this unwholesome setup. If I were you I would walk away right now, and date a girl you don't have to share with what seems to be a cult in all but name. 

Am I too paranoid about my boyfriend?

Lee says:
I saw that my boyfriend who I trust messages his ex gf on Facebook. The messages were casual he wanted to show her the music he's making. He messaged her first though and they haven't talked in like a year; she lives cross the country but I think she's getting ideas... I got pissed at him and he said it meant nothing and he just saw her on chat and was seeing how things were going. I kept saying it was disrespectful no matter how casual it was and he felt bad and cried. 

Were my wife writing this, she would have absolutely no hesitation about this! Under no circumstances whatsoever would she tolerate me fraternizing with exes, and to be fair she wants nothing to do with her own either.
I think this is probably best. So long as you don't fraternize with your own exes, that seems fair enough to me. I would tell him that you were sorry you hurt him but the deal is that if you're together, exes from either side have no part in your lives, in return for your 100% commitment to him. If he wants to be with you he will accept that.

He doesn't feel the same about me!

Anonymous says:
There's this guy I talk to him everyday and its been 7 months, we met online and in person once and we talk everyday. I thought he liked me because we would talk on the phone for 3 hours and because whenever I talked about guys he would get very jealous. He also trys to make me jealous by showing me girls that like him. 2 nights ago he asked me if I was talking to anyone and when I asked him why he assumed I was and kept saying I was lying when I told him I wasnt, and its the truth I only talk to him! Then he tried to play it off like he was only joking. last night I told him how I felt about him and we got into a huge fight b/c he wouldnt tell me how he felt and I kept saying I dont wanna talk to him anymore if he didnt want anything out of it because id be wasting my time. He pretty much told me he had no intention of dating me. Im going crazy I cant stop crying I want him! i ruined everything and I told him to lose my number we got in the biggest fight! ! WHAT DO I DO I FEEL HORRIBLE 

You DIDN'T ruin everything. There was never a proper relationship to ruin in the first place - it was clearly dysfunctional from the start. Everything about this encounter has FAIL written on it. You feel horrible because you liked the guy and you are conscious that you could have done things better. But even if you had, this is clearly a guy with issues who was never ready to be in a relationship.

There is much more to relationships than having the hots for each other. There has to be trust and kindness. These qualities are notably absent from your encounter - it would never have worked. please take one very important lesson from this - NEVER use jealousy to spice up a relationship - it only poisons it.

Dry your tears, take some time out and move on. I'm afraid getting your heart broken once or twice is kinda normal when you're searching for a partner. Don't despair - there really is someone for everyone, but it was never going to be this guy.